Post # 17
i think the poll says it all– go on with your plans and dont let a selfish caught up in the tornado that is wedding planning bride keep you down.
its probably not ideal for her to have another family wedding 6 weeks before hers, i get that, but she has no right to hold you back or tell you you are stepping on her toes. it amazes me how selfish people can be.
Post # 18
One of my best friends got engaged 8 months after I did, and about 3 months after we set our date. She and her fiance decided to get married just 3 weeks before me. I’m not upset at her at all – I mean, it would be really rude of me to dictate when she chooses to get married. They have constraints of their own, like we all do, and they deserve to have the wedding they want, when they want it. The only thing that disappoints me a little about it is that a) I will lose a weekend of preparation right before my wedding (I’m not at all upset at her for this – I’m so excited to go to her wedding, I’m just a little stressed!) and b) most of our friends live on the east coast, and have to travel to our weddings. Since hers isn’t as remote and expensive to get to, many of our friends who can’t afford to come to both either time or money-wise, are attending her wedding and not mine. This is disappointing because I’d love to have them at my wedding, but I’m excited to see them at hers and know I’ll get to spend more quality time with them when I’m not the bride.
I know your situation is different because the person is in the family, but especially since your wedding is going to be small and you have legitimate reasons for changing it (you aren’t trying to steal her thunder – you are trying to make sure your loved ones can be with you) she shouldn’t be upset. I’d try having a conversation with her explaining your reasons, and hopefully she’ll come around.
Post # 19
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I agree that she’s being unreasonable. Some brides think that the world has to revolve around them throughout their entire engagement and wedding planning. 6 weeks is PLENTY of time between weddings.
Post # 20
@CorgiTales: I do understand what you are saying, but our family dynamics are nothing like that. Step-sister’s (real) mother has been doing all of the planning with her. FI’s mother (the overlapping mother in this case) is not really big into planning of these functions, so I’m sure that she is not worried about losing the helping hand.
The only conflict that I can recognize is that all of a sudden my wedding (which was originally going to be 9 months after hers) will be 6 weeks before. I understand that that is what she is upset about, although I definitely don’t agree with her for being upset about it. We are not trying to steal her spotlight. Fiance and I have been engaged for almost a year, we have a son together, we just want to get this part behind us, we see no reason to wait, ESPECIALLY because of my grandparents failing health.
Post # 21
I think your plans are completely fine! I hope she can come to her senses and see that your wedding is not some type of threat to her wedding! I think more girls need to realize that weddings happen all the time and that they personally get one day!
I have a good friend getting married in July this year, I am getting married in Sepetmber and then my other close friend is getting married in October. Like I said wedddings happen and the dates for a wedding are a personal decision so she should calm down. 🙂
Post # 22
Yea I think you have a consensus here. Do it 🙂
Post # 23
It seems pretty clear that she’s being ridiculous. But I say give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that you surprised her and she instinctively acted defensive and now that she’s thought about it she’s going to get over herself. It doesn’t hurt to assume the best of someone and it might help her behave up to your standards if you act like of course she’s going to be happy for you. The happier and more excited you are, the more everyone else is likely to follow your lead and she’ll look like sour grapes if she sulks. If that happens, just figure it’s not your problem and you can’t control her behavior – after all, you’re not going to change your date for her (it sounds like) and disinviting her would probably be worse, so you’ve done everything you can, her attitude is up to her, the end. The one thing I wouldn’t do is try to discuss the (non-)problem with her much, it could turn into a whole big thing, and you don’t have time for that! (at least I assume you don’t, I’m getting married in July too and I’m way busy!) Good luck!
Post # 24
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I really feel like it’s ridiculous when people get all upset over someone getting married too soon before or after them. You get a wedding DAY. Not week, or month, or year. She’s being completely unreasonable, and I think you should go along with your plans to marry in July.
Post # 25
She gets a day, not a month or 6 weeks!
She is being UBER unreasonable. You were being polite by letting her know and she seems to be jealous that you will now be married before her – god forbid! LOL
I agree with EJS comment – reply back saying “I am sorry you feel this way it was not our intention we just want to be able to share this day with our grandparents who may not be around too much longer!”
I get SOOOOO angry when brides act this way! UGH! Fiance and I happily postponed our honeymoon for a wedding that is a week after ours!
Post # 26
I agree with Future Mrs Martin. She does not own the month or even the year! I understand your reasonings for bringing it up since you want the grandparents to be a part of the day. It sounds like you don’t have a lot of the same guests so I doubt there are going to be problems with them not being able to make it to both weddings. Also, your wedding is going to be small so it won’t ‘steal her thunder’ not that it should anyway.
Post # 27
I think for her to overreact that way, she must think you’re changing your date for the wrong reasons. She probably thinks you’re trying to steal her spotlight, or trying to get married first, or whatever nonsense reasons. I would just call her up, and explain the situation, not that you should have to, but to keep peace. Make her understand WHY you want to change your date, and not that it has anything to do with her wedding. But really, you have good reason, and end it with, I hope you will understand because I really need my grandparents to be there. I dont know how she could be a b*tch after that.
In the end, she will get over it, hopefully your family doesnt see it the way she does, otherwise it might not go over well. A lot of people are really funny about things like this, but you have good reason.
Post # 28
If there was going to be a large overlapping guest list or you were basically forcing people to pick between traveling to your wedding or her wedding, I’d object. But you’re having a 25 person wedding SIX weeks before her wedding and the guest list barely overlaps. Its no big deal, do it.
Just explain to her it was the only time you could do it unless you waited a year, and that isn’t fair to you and Fiance. You made sure not to get married the same month as her, you were being considerate.
Post # 29
I couldn’t understand more where you’re coming from as I was in this exact situation not 6 months ago. And I was a freaking mess over it.
My Fiance and I got engaged in October 2009. We wanted a short engagement, so we were looking for a summer date in 2010. My FI’s brother, who at that point had been engaged for a year, is set to be married October 2010 and his fiancee sort of freaked out. After a 2 1/2 year engagement, she felt that we shouldn’t even come within the same year of their wedding and we should wait the appropriate amount of time after. I was so upset, and stated a lot of the same reasons you did- grandparents with failing health, wanting to start our lives and family, and also he has no health insurance. She didn’t care and was very upset, giving us the cold shoulder for weeks.
All that being said…we went ahead and planned it anyway. We’re getting married on 8/21 and they’re getting married on 10/3, so it’s about 6 weeks before. And ya know what? They got over it. And the rest of the family never breathed a word of criticism to us and now we’re all just looking forward to BOTH weddings.
Go ahead and plan for July 2010…even if they’re mad at you at first they WILL get over it. You’ll all be family and be stuck with each other soon enough 🙂
Post # 30
I voted yes! You need to do what’s best for you and your Fiance and so long as it’s not mean or intentionally hurting his stepsister, then I say go for it! I completely understand about the grandparents. I wish more than anything that my grandmother were still alive to be at my wedding.
Fiance and I got engaged in September 2009 and we’re getting married in September this year. My sister and her Fiance are getting married in a few weeks in a small civil ceremony because it’s the only time her FI’s aunt can be here for their wedding (he’s from out of the country and wanted to have some family here). I’m so happy for them and I’m not angry that they’ll be married 4 months before me! I think that’s completely rediculous!!!!!
Post # 31
Maybe she just had a knee jerk type reaction before thinking about what she said? All the attention had been on her for this year and she probably felt she had to “share” when in reality, she doesn’t. You will each have your time in the spotlight.
I think you’re absolutely fine to have it 6 weeks before!