(Closed) What is an appropriate time to wait between weddings? (Long…)

posted 10 years ago in Family
  • poll: Is 6 weeks enough time between weddings?

    No, you are stepping on her toes. Wait until 2011 to be married.

    Yes, it is ample time. Continue with your July 2010 plans.

  • Post # 32
    651 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    It’s fine, 6 weeks is more than enough time!  She’s just being selfish.

    Post # 33
    1315 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    You’re getting married on my birthday!! Enjoy it!! 🙂

    Post # 34
    3041 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    6 weeks is PLENTY of time inbetween. She may have had a crazy moment & will probably calm down soon.

    Post # 35
    257 posts
    Helper bee

    I wouldn’t care if my mother was getting married 2 weeks after mine..  but so what as to when you choose to have your wedding.  I don’t see at all people stepping on anyones toes..  You get married for you and your h2b. not to the plans of family members unless they are ill. She’s not ill so too bad.. 

    Post # 36
    1 posts
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I would just let her cool down a bit, have her big huff ‘woe-is-me’ moment, and then call around with your fiance to see her (after all, she is his relative, not yours), sit her down and explain your reasons (your main argument being, as others have said, your grandparents xo). It is very easy for these things to escalate over text message or be interpreted the wrong way, and likewise it is easier to hide behind her phone then to have to look you in the eye and act like a grown-up. I think if you let one person dictate when you have your wedding, and then put it off and then have a grandparent possibly not be in attendance, the regret you’ll have will far outweigh one guest at your small wedding being a bit miffed.

    We got engaged September the 4th last year on our first anniversary…my fiance’s brother popped the question to his partner of 10 years (after saying he’d never remarry) about a month later. We set our date to October the 2nd this year, prior to them getting engaged, and then loh and behold they have set their date to September the 4th this year: 3 weeks before us, the date we got engaged, and on their twin niece’s first birthday. They never actually had the courtesy that you had to mention it to us or the twins mother, we’ve all just had to run with it. I think it will be fine, I’m hoping that theirs will be so different to mine, and because ours is our first wedding, that my fiance’s family won’t be bored at ours. So kudos to you for checking with your SIL, and please don’t feel like a villain, because you’re not!

    Hope it all works out!

    Post # 37
    4544 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    No way should you have to change your wedding time! 6 weeks is beyond plenty of time. As someone else said, she gets a DAY not a month or week or whatever.

    Post # 38
    617 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    Keep your date!  She needs to get over it really.  I agree with the other posters that said a bride gets one day-they are absolutely right.  I don’t think it is the end of the world; you have given plenty of time between the dates and have very very valid reasons in my opinion for moving the date up.  Best of luck to you and hang in there.  Try not to let it get to you and maybe discussing it with her a bit more may help.  I think reassuring her (even though I wouldn’t even want to at this point!) that you aren’t doing this despite her and you care about her feelings but this is the most feasible.

    Post # 39
    1509 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    This post makes me laugh.  You are WAY too NICE!  6 weeks is a ton of time!  FI’s brother got engaged after us, planned his wedding for shortly before ours, his cousin is getting married 2 weeks before us and another cousin is getting 3 weeks after us.  All of the weddings are across the country for us… oh and our date was first. 

    Don’t even worry about it.  Six weeks is plenty of time.  I wish people in my life were as considerate as you!

    Post # 40
    647 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I say get married when it’s right for you.  You can’t please everybody, and she is way out of line trying to dominate more than one day.  Do what’s right for you.

    Post # 41
    117 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Ok so I was in this exact position, except as the role of your fi’s step sister. Looking back I’m sort of embarassed at how upset I was when I felt stepped on, but I really was only reacting out of hurt. I definitely think you should go ahead with your plans, but try to talk to her about it again.

    Post # 42
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Personally I think 6 weeks is more than enough time, though I do second the previous posts that have mentioned writing her again and explaining exactly why you’ve decided to change your plans. After that doing that I would just let it go. Either she’ll come around or she won’t- its ultimately her choice and if there’s anything I’ve learned in wedding planning its that you just can’t please everyone. My Future Sister-In-Law got married in October and we’ve had comments from some in his family that our July wedding (9 months later) is too close to hers! Some people are just ridiculous and its not worth wasting your tears over if you’ve done all you can do (within reason of course).

    Post # 43
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would let her cool off and then talk to her again. She may just need to make her feelings known, and then she can get over it. I was in her sort of position when I got engaged – I’d been with my Fiance for 4 years when he proposed, so it had been a long time coming. 6 weeks later, my brother (who’d just gone through the break up of his first marriage) proposed to his girlfriend of 3 months. I was furious. It was purely selfish and bridezilla-y, but that was how I felt. It took a couple of weeks and a good heart-to-heart with my brother to get over it, but I did and it’s fine. I’m sure it’ll work out for you. 


    Friends of my Fiance who got engaged after us have arranged their wedding for 2 weeks before ours, and we’ll be sharing about 1/3 of our guest list, who’ll have to travel out of town to the same place (where we were at Uni together) twice in 2 weeks. In fairness to them, the did check to make sure the dates didn’t actually clash, but I’m still not sure I can make it that close to my wedding – I’ll be soo busy. We’ll see. 

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