Post # 16
That is a very smart idea. I wish I had thought of that sooner. I did not expect such difference in opinions since I usually get along so great with my mom. I mistakenly assumed that other couples just worked with 1 big lump sum.
Actually, I think I am going to propose that we do just this. Split the budget into: fiances parents side, our side, my parents side. Then allocate fairly what each section covers. That way, no hurt feelings that someone is paying for something they don’t think matters, or not getting their fair share of say in something they want. It will be more complicated but I am prepared to do some math in order to make sure everyone is happy (and we don’t end up spending an enormous amount of money)
Thank you for the inspiration! Its always interesting to hear how other couples do things when I never would have thought of it!
Post # 17
Huh, ok, that sounds very confusing. Your parents seem to want their money to be in a lump sum but specific at the same time and that doesn’t work! Maybe you need to revisit this whole thing and ask what they want to specifically pay for? I think it’s perfectly reasonable for you to include everything to do with the wedding in the budget. As you say, it’s not like those costs disappear if you don’t officially include them. Certainly I don’t see how you could not
include things like wedding bands and invitations.
Post # 18
Glad to help. I think PP also have some good ideas. I think it is fundamentally about setting out what you want, where you are flexible, and then setting those expectations in yourselves and others.
Post # 19
We haven’t even sat down and made a budget yet …. but in my mind my engagement ring and our honeymoon are seperate than our wedding budget. Why? I don’t know! Makes absolutely no sense 🙃
Post # 20
Our wedding budget consisted of absolutely everything associated with the wedding, except for the honeymoon which we set money aside for separately (not including our flights and car hire, which were an engagement gift from my dad and step mum).
We also went thirds with my Mother-In-Law, and my dad and step mum on paying for the wedding. When they told us that they wanted to contribute, we asked if they would like their contribution to pay for anything in particular (ie flowers or a band) – all of them said no, that we could do with it what we saw fit (providing it went to the wedding of course). We asked their opinion on a lot of things and ran a lot of things by them (such as the guestlist and meal choices), but they were all pretty happy for us to do whatever we wanted.
I think your mother needs to realise that, just because she is contributing towards the wedding doesn’t mean she gets to call the shots for the whole wedding. Your in-laws are also entitled to a say, as are you and your Fiance. Can you sit down with her again to revisit this whole budget thing? Tell her that you understand she doesn’t want to pay for alcohol, but that it still needs to be a part of the budget (as it’s what your in-laws and yourselves want – all of whom are paying so deserve equal say) so what does she actually want her contribution to go towards?
Post # 21
Our wedding budget included absolutely everything in the wedding that needed paying for (except for the honeymoon). What we did was we sat down with our parents and discussed what my FH and I were willing to pay for the wedding (10K). That would mean that we had an extremely small wedding and wouldn’t have invited a bunch of our extended family members. That didn’t fly with my mother, so they offered to pay for a good chunk of the reception. I’m OK with this simply because I know my mother, and she won’t push things on me that I don’t want to do. My FH’s family is paying for the rehearsal dinner, as well as late night snacks for the wedding. This is reasonable to us, and we are making sure to inform everyone of all the decisions that we are making-but are being firm when either side try to push something that we don’t want.
I think that you need to sit down with your mother (before you accept any money whatsoever) and talk about what you want in a wedding and what she wants. If she is going to be pushy about things that you don’t want, then don’t accept her money. I would also go there with a list of everything that you think you will need to purchase for the wedding, and if she’s not OK with some of it-then pay for it yourself. At the end of the day, it’s your day and you should have what you want…but you can’t make somebody else pay for it
Post # 22
I think it perfectly reasonable for your mom to direct her contribution to what she finds important. It’s her money, after all. If she wants to spend $5k on flowers, that’s great! But don’t expect her to pony up more just because you thought you’d only spend $3k on flowers and $2k elsewhere.
Post # 23
i didn’t count rings (ering, wedding bands) or honeymoon as part of the wedding.
everything else that was needed for the actual wedding/wedding weekend was what i included in my total cost.
this included brunch on sunday for hotel and special guests and parking for guests at our venue.
Post # 24
Yeah, this sounds so confusing! Do you have an itemized wedding budget? It may be necessary so that all parties understand what you’re able to spend on different categories. I mean, does your mom know that she’s looking at things above your price point? From your posts, it’s not clear you’ve candidly said “that’s actually more than we planned to spend in that area.”
As for your original question: we included anything we paid for that was used during wedding week as a part of our budget. So that included hair/makeup but didn’t include dress cleaning. We included our wedding bands and honeymoon too, but I don’t know if I’d say that makes sense for anyone other than us. We also excluded the rehearsal dinner from our budget since the in-laws were hosting that and paid for it in full. Both sets of parents contributed lump sums, although my mom earmarked her’s specifically for my dress. Had that amount been higher than my dress budget, we would have discussed reallocating some of it, but since her contribution was fairly small, we didn’t need to talk about it.
Post # 25
I can only share about my friends who got married and perhaps it’s a different world here at the weddingbees. I have noticed that the brides and grooms never include the rings and the honeymoon as part of their wedding budget. Everything else I did not mention is included.