Post # 1
FH and I are long distance. I am finally making the move to be with him in about a week and a half. What comes along with moving is seeing just about everyone I know before I leave. I got a message from a friend of mine this morning who asked if we could get together before I leave. This is a guy friend of mine. We are totally just friends but did have a fling a few years ago, way before FH and I even met. We have remained friends though. He helped me out a lot when I was applying for law school and whatnot. So we have stayed in contact but I haven’t actually hung out with him in forever. My question is would it be appropriate for he and I to get together before I leave? FH can’t be there. I am torn on how I feel about me hanging out with a guy alone or he hanging out with a guy alone, even when it is totally platonic. I don’t want to do anything that might make FH uncomfortable. I will talk to him about this of course, but I wanted to see what others thought. Thanks!
Post # 3
There’s no law that says we can’t have frineds of the opposite gender. Suggest that you meet for lunch or brunch at a very public restaurant.
Post # 4
Well… considering you two have been intimate, you can’t really say it’s totally platonic. lol (just saying)
It sounds though that you aren’t comfortable haning out alone with him w/o your SO there so I would say to not. Maybe ya’ll could get a group together.. or something else so that you’re more comfortable?
Post # 5
I would be up-front with your FH that you are getting together with him so it doesn’t seem shady, but don’t make this a bigger issue than it has to be. You’re making a big move to be with your FH, and this is the last time you’ll probably see this friend in a really long time. You say this fling was a few years ago and hat you’re still really good friends, so this shouldn’t be any different than if you were to get coffee with a girlfriend before moving. Don’t over-think it!
Post # 6
If you are torn, I would always go the route that dosen’t (or can’t) ever hurt your FH.
Post # 7
Simply because you are so confused about it, I would say no. If it were a simple “we’re just friends, no big deal” then this wouldn’t be an issue at all. The fact that you think it could possibly hurt your FH means that something doesn’t feel right to YOU – and that’s ok! You don’t have to hang out with this guy if you don’t feel like it’s the right thing to do. What I’m saying is, since any part of you feels weird about it, why bother?
Post # 8
If your FH is cool with it then I think it’s ok….however if my SO wanted to get together with a girl he had not seen in a while and had a fling with a few years ago I would probably say ‘eff that’! I totally, completely trust him but it would still bother me. Good luck with the move!!
Post # 9
@julies1949: I think what you said makes really good sense. Go to a really casual, very public place if you’re worried about giving him the wrong idea or making an uncomfortable situation. A candlelight dinner at Cheesecake Factory would hardly be appropriate, but coffee at Starbucks or burgers at Chili’s would be totally fine, in my book.
Post # 10
I think if you need to ask yourself if it’s appropriate then other people will certainly ask the same question. I know in my own life I have always taken the stance that I would not be comfortable with my man spending time with anyone he has a romantic/sexual past with so I wouldn’t put him in that position either. Obviously each relationship is different, but setting boundaries or expectations in this way has worked for me in every type of relationship I have so it is a good rule of thumb.
You have to ask yourself how important this guy friend is to you and what your relationship truly is like today. Don’t tempt yourself if there are still lingering feelings or passion between the two of you. That will only spell disaster no matter the situation.
Remember that you are picking up your life to start a new one. If this guy is just a figment of the past, I would suggest you leave him there. If he hasn’t been very important and at the forefront of your current life then why risk hurting your man?
Post # 11
@misskittykakes: I think what you said is what I am feeling. While there is NOTHING at all between this guy and I now, there was in the past. There are absolutely no lingering feelings at all however I don’t think I’d like it if FH got together with someone he has been with in the past. I also totally trust FH and know he wouldn’t do anything shady but something about it just doesn’t seem right to me in general.