(Closed) What is appropriate in this situation?

posted 7 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
46382 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There’s no law that says we can’t have frineds of the opposite gender. Suggest that you meet for lunch or brunch at a very public restaurant.

Post # 4
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Well… considering you two have been intimate, you can’t really say it’s totally platonic. lol (just saying)

It sounds though that you aren’t comfortable haning out alone with him w/o your SO there so I would say to not. Maybe ya’ll could get a group together.. or something else so that you’re more comfortable?

Post # 5
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would be up-front with your FH that you are getting together with him so it doesn’t seem shady, but don’t make this a bigger issue than it has to be. You’re making a big move to be with your FH, and this is the last time you’ll probably see this friend in a really long time. You say this fling was a few years ago and hat you’re still really good friends, so this shouldn’t be any different than if you were to get coffee with a girlfriend before moving. Don’t over-think it! 

Post # 6
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you are torn, I would always go the route that dosen’t (or can’t) ever hurt your FH.

Post # 7
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Simply because you are so confused about it, I would say no. If it were a simple “we’re just friends, no big deal” then this wouldn’t be an issue at all. The fact that you think it could possibly hurt your FH means that something doesn’t feel right to YOU – and that’s ok! You don’t have to hang out with this guy if you don’t feel like it’s the right thing to do. What I’m saying is, since any part of you feels weird about it, why bother?

Post # 8
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If your FH is cool with it then I think it’s ok….however if my SO wanted to get together with a girl he had not seen in a while and had a fling with a few years ago I would probably say ‘eff that’!  I totally, completely trust him but it would still bother me.  Good luck with the move!!

Post # 9
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@julies1949: I think what you said makes really good sense. Go to a really casual, very public place if you’re worried about giving him the wrong idea or making an uncomfortable situation. A candlelight dinner at Cheesecake Factory would hardly be appropriate, but coffee at Starbucks or burgers at Chili’s would be totally fine, in my book.

Post # 10
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think if you need to ask yourself if it’s appropriate then other people will certainly ask the same question. I know in my own life I have always taken the stance that I would not be comfortable with my man spending time with anyone he has a romantic/sexual past with so I wouldn’t put him in that position either. Obviously each relationship is different, but setting boundaries or expectations in this way has worked for me in every type of relationship I have so it is a good rule of thumb.  

You have to ask yourself how important this guy friend is to you and what your relationship truly is like today. Don’t tempt yourself if there are still lingering feelings or passion between the two of you. That will only spell disaster no matter the situation.

Remember that you are picking up your life to start a new one. If this guy is just a figment of the past, I would suggest you leave him there. If he hasn’t been very important and at the forefront of your current life then why risk hurting your man? 

The topic ‘What is appropriate in this situation?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors