Post # 1
So, my wedding is less than a week away, and I may just be buzzed on all the excitement, but I’m thinking about something tonight that I just wanted to vent about…
My fiance and I have been planning for the wedding, with a ring on my finger, for 6 months. We have been dating almost 4 years now, and have been steadfastly committed to marrying each other since Christmas of 2007 (without a ring). That has not changed, not even for a second, since he asked me to oneday be his wife back then (even though we knew it would be a ways off because of money/distance/school)
I was just talking to a friend and she was telling me about a conversation I came up in. She was telling someone how she was so happy for me that the wedding is finally here because we’ve been engaged for sooooooo long. This other person was apparently very smug and said, well not really – it doesn’t count without a ring. Excuse me, I may not have had a date set for the past four years, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t absolutely pining to be his wife. No, I haven’t been coordinating colors and doing wedding details for this whole time, but that doesn’t mean that my commitment hasn’t been real, and believe me, it has been a long wait. Way to be a downer and a hater! I’d like to think that being engaged means just a little bit more than putting down cash on a ring and planning a party.
That feels better. Thanks for listening ladies.
Post # 3
I agree with you, there is a lot more to being engaged than just having a ring. There are quiet a few couples on here who are planning and wedding and don’t have rings because they don’t want to or can’t afford it.
Post # 4
This was not supposed to be in “Paper”
Last time, I put a post about maps in “intimacy”. I suck at weddingbee.
Post # 5
I agree, i think people are too hung up on the ring. some people get married without an engagment ring at all, does that mean they were never engaged? no. that’s just ridiculous. I think as long as you both mutually agree you want to get married to each other, you are engaged.
Post # 6
To sum up what you said about that woman’s comment- “What an asshole”
Post # 7
Seriously. Planning a wedding has been fun, but at times, it has really made me upset with consumer culture. Throughout the process, I’ve often gotten the feeling that many vendors think a wedding is a competition for who can throw the most awesome party. I’ve DIYed and gone bridal crazy with the best of them, but now that it comes down to it, I don’t care that I didn’t do every single project that I wanted. And I don’t think I’ll care if something goes wrong. I just want to be his wife.
Post # 8
i understand. I went out with my Fiance and is cousin and his wife (they got engaged after us and married before us), well I forgot my ring at home. I am te type of person who doesn’t wear my ring around the house or to school/work (I’m a nursing student). As soon as I got in the car she noticed that I didn’t have my ring on.
I don’t think that wearing your ring all the time means anything. I was in a rush when I was leaving and i forgot to put it on. She was shocked that I would not wear it.
A ring does not mean your commitment is stronger.
Post # 9
Engagement is a frame of mind!
Post # 10
That’s ok I am planning my wedding in a few months without a ring or a proposal even…lol. I refused to let him propose until his divorce was finalized, which it finally will be. My ring is currently being made for us so I probably won’t have that until right before the ceremony…lol. My friend’s father is a jeweler so he is custom making our rings. So according to that I am not engaged and technically he is still married to someone else, so I guess technically we are not even considered a couple. Although we have been living together almost 2 years….lol.
Post # 11
Bleh. My mother was always like, “You’re not engaged unless you have a ring and a date.” WTF? It’s a very old-school thought, though, and some people are super traditional. In the end, it really doesn’t matter at all what people think or say. If you guys have been engaged since even before the ring went on your finger, then you’ve been engaged for that long. And congrats and good luck on your wedding day!!
Post # 12
It’s amazing what jerks people can be. I think it’s just an old standard that if you’re engaged there must be a ring. Pretty silly tradition if you ask me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my DH and my ering, but it’s funny to think that a man you plan to spend the rest of your life with has to buy you a sparkly present in order to get you to agree. It takes a lot more than that.
Post # 13
I was engaged for over a year before I had a ring on my finger. Nobody questioned me when I called DH my fiance during that time, but if they had, I would have told them that I was engaged the moment I said yes, and a ring is just a symbol that choice that one chooses to wear.
Honestly, am I any less married when I take off my rings to shower? Are DH and I any less in love if we’re not giving each other gifts every day? Material world indeed…
Post # 14
hahahaha, I’m sorry. Don’t worry about this “friend.” And if it makes you feel any better, my wedding is in a week and a half and I’m not wearing a ring. I’m only going to wear one ring, so its saved for the wedding. So your feel free to have your “friend” put than in her pan and fry it. ; )
Post # 15
@kayp23: engaged means that you both agree to marry and plan a wedding. You don’t need a ring.