(Closed) What is “being engaged”? (vent)

posted 9 years ago in Paper
Post # 17
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow – I can/will never understand why people have to make petty little comments to make themselves feel better.  Sounds to me like she was jealous….or a massive “biotch!”.

On a (funny) sidenote…. my future Mother-In-Law was telling people that her son and I weren’t actually engaged because we hadn’t had an engagement party.  It’s funny because she was actually there when my Fiance proposed.  Luckily my future Father-In-Law stepped in and explained to her that it really isn’t a requirement/tradition anymore to have an engagement party!

Post # 18
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My mom never even had an engagement ring!  So would your charming friend have even considered my parents to be “engaged”?  Because they certainly ended up married.

I think this person is very materialistic and naive.  You certainly don’t need a ring to be commited to a person, and you certainly can have a ring and not be committed. So screw that person!

Post # 19
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’ve been engaged for almost 18 months with no ring.  I don’t wear jewelry, nor do I like the stuff.  I’ll be getting married in two months, and although I did get a plain band for the ceremony, only time will tell if I end up wearing it daily.  Most likely, I won’t even make it through the reception with the ring on!  

Engagement is the period in which you commit yourselves with intent to marry…nothing to do with jewelry.

Post # 20
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

well in some cultures, they don’t even have the concept of engagement rings! my traditional korean parents got really excited when i told them Fiance and i were *finally* looking at rings… then 3 months later, when i told them he proposed, they were were really confused. “wait, are you married now????” they thought Fiance had given me a wedding band. so i had to explain that i got TWO rings in western culture.

my mom was soooo impressed. Cool

Post # 21
Hostess
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@bijou214: haha I love the way you wrote “My mom was so impressed.” I’m not sure why, but as someone who’s been the “foreigner” in another culture, that struck me as so funny. 

Post # 22
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I had the same situation as the OP. I’ve been with my faincé for 7 years and we’ve been “unoffically” engaged for a couple years now, even filing fiancé paperwork with the government but I didn’t have a ring until a couple weeks ago. I didn’t consider myself fully engaged until he got down on one knee and proposed (and the ring was a nice touch). We had been planning to marry for years so it was more a formality and something I wanted than something that was necessary. We didn’t change our facebook status to “engaged” until the official proposal though. It’s just a matter of personal opinion I guess but the b*tchy one had no business making those decisions for you! Esepcailly not a week before the wedding.

Post # 23
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

And on the other hand, you get people posting who have discussed marriage with their partner and agreed to marry (in some cases they have booked the venue and some of their vendors), but say that they aren’t engaged because they haven’t had the proposal and the ring.

In my opinion, you’re engaged when you agree to marry, whether or not there’s a ring involved… 🙂

Post # 24
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

Maps in intimacy.LOL

What a butthole. People buy rings all the time, and they don’t always get married.

I guess my parents marriage is null and void since my mom only has a wedding band…I guess my dad didn’t REALLY intend to marry her. Geez, I need to go rethink my life! 

Post # 25
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

First off… CONGRATULATIONS (as you should be a Mrs. already)

And yea.. I totally agree that a ring does NOT = engaged totally, only, and completely.

DH totally “officially” proposed without a ring and then “formally” proposed later when we found and were able to get what I wanted.

So glad that you don’t have to worry about that anymore though 😉

Congrats again… can’t wait to see a recap =)

Post # 26
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can definitely identify with this… we dated for over 5 years before I received a ring, but we were planning for eventual marriage after about 8 months of dating. Stuff just happened… new jobs, moving out of state, carrying on a long-distance relationship, moving back in state… but we knew we were going to get married.

Sure didn’t stop someone from saying, “Oh, you’re getting married? Let’s see the ring! …no ring? Well then, you’re not really engaged, are you? ….justkidding…”

The “justkidding” did NOT make up for the fact that he was a jerk.

Post # 27
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

I don’t think you need a ring to be engaged either, but I do feel that ‘being engaged’ implies some sort of action leading down the road to make that marriage happen.  You can know you’re going to marry someone eventually, but maybe some other people feel like the ‘engagement period’ is the time from which you decide to lock it down- and that could mean actively saving for a wedding, planning, or searching for the right way to do it- until the wedding day.  I’m playing devil’s advocate here.  

Post # 28
Member
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

What

View original reply
Miss Tattoo said.  We’ve been together 7+ years, we got engaged a year and 4 months ago – that’s when we formally decided to get married, told everyone, etc. We’d known for years beforehand that we would probably be getting married, but I didn’t consider us “engaged” until we’d had that talk.

And, for what it’s worth, we didn’t get an engagement ring. My only ring will be my wedding band. Given that I’m getting married in a little over 3 weeks, however, I definitely consider myself engaged, no matter what that idiot “friend” thinks!!

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