- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
Well, I’m sorry a random person’s opinion the the internet bothers you so much.
It’s not one person’s opinion, but the implication that those who may have an expensive ring (which is relative, by the way…) should somehow feel guilty, shameful, or have their character called into question. I see this is a continuing theme here (and in our society, for that matter). As another poster mentioned, if the tables were turned and someone said, “Well, if you don’t have a ring that cost $10K (or whatever is “insane” to you), then why bother?? It’s clear your FH doesn’t give a crap about you… Just don’t wear a ring at all if you can’t wear a worthy ring!”, people would be totally pissed off –and with good reason! Those comments would be judgemental, not to mention way out of line to assume there is a correct/incorrect amount to money to spend on a ring.
It’s the sentiment that “wealth is bad” and “those who have are of lesser moral character than those who have not” that bothers me. There will always be people who have more or less than you have — that doesn’t mean you should feel bad for where you stand among them… whether it be when comparing clothes, housing, rings, or anything… Some are born into wealth, some work their way up from nothing to achieve a nice income… regardless of how these people obtained their wealth, they don’t owe anyone an explanation or apology for their spending habits or what they have or don’t have. It’s their budget, their lives, their business.
The question of what was considered “insanely expensive” for an ering was asked on a public forum, so obviously answers will vary greatly, as members are from many different cultures and walks of life. To assume that someone’s spending habits are indicative of their moral character can come off as preachy and judgemental. Period.
It certainly IS a good thing that I don’t have an expensive ring. (I think you meant to imply I don’t deserve one anyway? lol, pretty rude of you, but whatever. As a matter of fact I agree, I don’t think I’m entitled to a diamond at the cost of environmental degradation, and even perhaps lives).
No one on this entire thread has mentioned the idea of “deserving” any ring, nor has that even been implied… so I have no clue as to how you came to that conclusion with any statements on this thread, much less mine. I simply said that if it bothers you so much, then it’s good that you don’t have to worry about it (as you said, you picked out what you wanted) — since you said you “wouldn’t be able to live with yourself otherwise.” LOL
To imply that a larger/nicer/more expensive diamond automatically comes at the cost of “environmental degradation” or [human] “lives” is a rather rude, uneducated, and condemnatory assumption to make… I won’t even go into the melodramatic and preachy undertones associated with this statement. For the love… I mean, really?! If you insist on going down that road, how can you assume that your ring hasn’t degraded the environment or left a left a mine worker enslaved or dead?? I’m pretty sure they find smaller diamonds much more often than the larger ones. Even if you have a lab-created gem, who is to say that your ring didn’t support unethical/unpaid labor or environmental degredation by the introduction of chemicals to the earth during the synthesis of such materials??
I hope you can at least see the ridiculousness that your statements can imply…
Anyway, I chose my own ring according to my own values, to please myself and my partner, and not you.
GREAT! So did I — so don’t make blanket assumptions based on your values, finances, and opinions on what is “correct” to spend on anything, as this only holds true for you and not everyone else.
I may judge people privately in my own head and I’m free to do that, but FWIW, I didn’t yell at anyone or say anyone is immoral in this conversation, nor do I do so IRL. I was speaking for myself.
Of course you are free to do anything you want — in your head. But you chose to post on a public forum. I understand that you may not have meant to say something judgemental, but that’s how your statements can come across. To say that you “wouldn’t be able to live with yourself” if you had a ring that cost $1K or more implies (according to what you expressed on this public forum) that those who do indeed own erings of $1K or more should feel guilty or shameful in some way… it comes across as shaming/guilting those others in a passive agressive fashion (without having to yell), regardless of how you meant it.
I’m continually amazed that it’s considered acceptable to try to shame or question the morals/character of those who have nicer things, but it would be unthinkable to shame those who have less… It’s a total double-standard, because neither is acceptable.
Having grown up in a family that could barely afford to clothe ourselves and pay rent at the same time, yeah, I might have developed some differing opinions on finances.
Unless you feel everyone grew up the exact same way that you did, then it would be safe to say that there are vastly varying opinions on finances… It doesn’t justify the judgement of others, regardless of how it’s written or presented.