(Closed) What is etiquette?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 5
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I always thought etiquette was about being polite.  I also believe there is a general consenses (per culture) about what is proper etiquette.  From my understanding, in the US, Ms. Manners and Emily Post are the authorties on etiquette.

I think the big problem when talking about etiquette is that an individual is not offended by a certain act and thus assumes, and sometimes even declares, that no one else should be offended by the act and those who do are “stuffy.”  They forget that others have different view points.

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I always thought etiquette was about being polite

x 2

Post # 7
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

All right, cross post:

My biggest beef with that thread was that I was accused of being sanctimonious and condescending when the posters arguing my viewpoints were being sanctimonious and condescending themselves.

Ladies.  This is an online discussion forum.  I have just as much of a right to tell posters whether or not their idea lines up with etiquette as you do.  You’ll see from my other posts that I am not snarky, I never name call.  I simply try to warn people how their behavior may be viewed.  And unless someone gives a poster advice that really has a chance of offending their friends and family, I will not specifically call out posters and tell them they are wrong.

Post # 8
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

To me, it’s an outdated list of rules found in a book written by someone who is no longer alive, and only known to brides/mothers of brides who go out, buy the book, and refresh their memory on the roules. Meanwhile, the guests remain clueless as to what is expected of them, thus rendering the whole thing obsolete and pointless, as they are not rules followed by the whole of society, just people who have taken wedding planning a bit too far.

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think that’s a really good way to put it.  I think it’s hard on the internet because we’re all over the world and people ask questions that deal with what’s appropriate for their guests…but we don’t know their guests.  We can suggest what’s appropriate based on our own experiences, or in most situations, but not about her specific guests.

Another added complication is that we’re all on a wedding forum, where we’re coming for a respite from attacks on our decisions by the people in our lives; I think we get here already defensive.  And we get here rebellious, too, so even if we don’t mean to come across as saying, “My mom flipped when I told her I wanted to do this so I’M DOING IT!” that’s how we come across, and that’s just the wrong reason to break with etiquette (rebellion for rebellion’s sake).

We also see a few of the pretty princess girls who forget that they’re hosting a party.  If someone’s making it so that grandpa can’t sit in a chair for a few hours because it doesn’t match her “vision” then of course people speak up.  Even if someone says that their entire family expects a hosted bar but they just don’t want to do it because it’s too expensive while simultaneously talking about how expensive the dress, limo, etc. is in another thread, of course people speak up.  When you host a party, you need to take others into account; otherwise you should just elope.  Very few people forget that, but sometimes it happens.

Post # 10
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@crayfish: Took the words out of my mouth.

Post # 11
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@crayfish:  Nailed it.

 

Its a fancy way of saying “thats tacky”  based on our subjective individual/cultural norms.

Post # 12
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@crayfish:  It doesn’t only apply to weddings though.  Any formal social function you host would be subject to the same etiquette. 

Overall the theme of etiquette is to provide a social structure so that people know what to expect.  For example you know that if you see only your name on the envelope that you are the only one invited, so you don’t respond back for 3 guests.

 

Post # 13
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@crayfish:  100000000000000% agree 🙂

 

also, I was always told that giving unsolicited advice or correction is rude. So that’s my view on it. 

Post # 13
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@andielovesj:  Precisely, etiquette goes both ways.  Just as I am inviting all significant others, I will be calling anyone who puts extra names on response cards that are NOT sig. others and saying we cannot accommodate them.  And I would never, ever, ever be so tacky to point out improper etiquette to a bride at her wedding.

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