I broke off a previous engagement and looking back now, several years later and planning my wedding with current Fiance, I realise all the mistakes I made.
Relationships are work. Pure and simple. Fiance read a great book recently that said “come to your marriage as though it is your primary job – the best job in the world, one you love, but not something you can just ignore and “have” without any effort.”
So you could see commitment, dates, sweet gestures etc as your work duties. It sounds very unromantic but it’s not trying to be cynical – if you approach relationships as though they should just “happen”, then they’re not going to be good, healthy or fulfilling.
Suspicion and jealousy is definitely a big no-no, from either one, especially if its not expressed! If Fiance has a problem with a male friend of mine, or with how I acted around someone else, I expect him to tell me directly, not that I will commit to agreeing with him, but I will always take his opinions into account and adjust accordingly. And vice versa. I look at how I value his happiness, and whether he could actually have a point, even if I don’t want to acknowledge it.
Fiance and I both have crazy schedules and work that cannot be compromised – he is LE, I work for the government, so we have to make a commitment to each other to spend quality time, and to say NO to friends and family when we’ve really been neglecting each other.
Fiance really hurt me once, not cheating, but something that was equally hurtful and trust-destroying. He’s had to work really hard to regain my trust and belief in him. I think there are some things that are forgiveable, some not – but I certainly don’t expect to be blissfully happy all the time, nor do I accept a long state of unhappiness – I am big on verbal communication and he is big on actions. It works out, but we are muddling our way through.
Make time for each other. Put each other first, even when they’re pissing you off and that’s the last thing you want to do. Keep up the romance. Don’t have expectations of grand gestures if you refuse to give in kind. Invest in and make time for your sex life – its damn important. You know yourself, so don’t give up something you consider important on a whim, but do not be inflexible either.