(Closed) What is he thinking? Is he EVER gonna marrry me?

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Is he serious about marrying me?
    Yes : (0 votes)
    no : (101 votes)
    93 %
    maybe : (8 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    4830 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    loreley3 :   He sounds very impulsive.  I think he is saying just enough to keep himself living at your place.  And just enough to keep you hoping.   From the actions and words you describe I doubt he will ever follow through.  

    In my opinion, if you kick him out he will find another insta-fiancee and repeat the process.    

    Post # 62
    Member
    1815 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    And I guess I should point out that my husband is about as feminist as they get – because he was raised by a really strong feminist midwife lesbian mom – and he does all the cooking because I’m a terrible cook, and he does more than 1/2 the cleaning, because I’ve got health problems – so I certainly don’t live by some version of 1940’s housewife myself. I would, however, talk to him if we were living together and I wanted to get married – or I’d go ask him myself! It’s this fairy princess ‘he has to surprise me with the proposal and it has to be the perfect ring” mentality that annoys me more than anything. You want to get married – you’re a competent adult – go talk to him about it! I doubt 99% of men can read minds. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    mishybear :  You’re confusing apathy with being on different pages.  I actually agree with you and most women on here would too IF you said that when 2 people move in without discussing their future plans/desires, it’s very likely 1 or the other is going to have different expectations.  And if you get yourself into one of these situations where you see moving in together as a stepping stone to commitment and he sees it as convenience or his ideal situation, OF COURSE he’s not going to want to marry you.  By the same logic this guy who views a live-in girlfriend isn’t going to propose to you and have a lasting marriage if you refuse to live with him or have sex.  He’ll dump you and find someone that will.  AND THAT’S HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO WORK.  2 people with different life goals/expectations/desires that are fundamentally incompatible ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED.

    This is where OP is seeing an issue.  If her and her SO are fundamentally incompatible, ie she desires to be married and start that phase of life and he wants to continue in his current state, their relationship can’t survive as it has been.

    Post # 64
    Member
    4 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    loreley3 :  Of course he did 🙂 I know the type.. What a convenience to suddenly meet somebody who can provide for him. .I think you are his mealticket or something. Really, don’t let him play with your heart, tell him you are happy you never got married, because if you did, you would have been divorced by now.. And then run the heck away!

    Post # 65
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    mishybear :  Also, the fairy princess crap is totally true.  Maybe it’s just me but I’ve never had a “dream wedding.”  I just want to get the damn thing over with so my mom will stop calling me with a new “crisis” every week.

    Maybe it’s a good thing he doesn’t want to get married OP.  Then you don’t have to deal with all your family members going simultaneously insane.  (kidding, kind of.) 

    Post # 66
    Member
    1329 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

    I don’t think he sounds ready? Id talk to him and say how you feel, as usually people get engaged with the intent to get married

    Post # 67
    Member
    9816 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Nope, not gonna marry you.

    Post # 68
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2017

    loreley3 :  have you asked him straight-up “are we going to get married?”

    Post # 70
    Member
    309 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: LA Athletic Club

    He’s taking advantage of you and leading you on. Respect yourself enough to leave. If you look on this site there’s plenty of threads about people waiting for marriage and “promises” but it never happens and they leave.

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