(Closed) What is he waiting for?????

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Why dont you just talk to him about what he is thinking.. you dont want turn turn into that girl who is hoping for something that he doesnt even realize you want right now.

Sometimes guys can be a bit daft

Post # 4
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I would ask him what he thinks about all the engagements and marrying going on around him… then you will start the subject on the right foot. 

Post # 6
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Maybe he’s comfortable now? I don’t know, I would be pissed off. Maybe in his eyes, you have moved in so what’s the rush? I would have a serious talk with him.

I just got engaged after a whopping 6 years of dating. For me I was ready after about 3 years but we just could not because of financial reasons. For him though, he wasnt ready until he asked. When I ask him why it took him so long he responds with “I just wanted to be sure”… You are deff sure after a few years but hey that’s how it worked out.

Really, just talk to him about it! It’s not some taboo topic that you should be afraid to discuss.

Post # 7
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@simone_s:  Does he feel that since he got the things he wants (dog, house, girl) he doesn’t have to “pay” for it in marriage? I know it seems harsh but some guys are like that. Hope yours isn’t, but I would ask why he is changing the subject all the time. He has to talk about it.

Post # 9
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@simone_s:  I would talk to him about how much that level of commitment means to you (marriage) and that you’d like to talk about a general timeline of how he sees the next X years of HIS life, and how you fit into that. 

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

You purchased a house together without speaking about marriage?  Honestly I think you should talk to him about it if you haven’t already.  It is the only way to know where he thinks things are heading

Post # 11
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

@simone_s:  

His responses seem pretty immature. How old is he? You should absolutely talk to him and make sure he’s on the same page because some men like to play house but they don’t want the actual commitment. You have a right to know if he doesn’t see himself as the marrying type. He may be avoiding the conversation so he doesn’t hurt your feelings. Or he may be avoiding it because he wants to surprise you with a proposal. You have to talk to him. Don’t let him change the subject. This is your life too and you have a right to know where you stand. You guys have taken all the steps a married couple takes but without the legal protection marriage provides. Is the home in both your names or are you paying towards something that’s only under his name? What happens now if you guys don’t work out and you have a house together? Talk to him.

Post # 14
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

There are so many posts like this on the waiting boards and they make me so sad. “nagging” issuch a gendered term, women are so afraid of it that some of us are afraid to speak up for our own needs. Talk to him, and don’t let him shut the conversation down. It’s your future too,  & you have bought in a hell of a lot to still have this much uncertainty about something so important to you. He owes it to you to have a serious conversation about your future, he is being inconsiderate and immature shutting down all marriage talk. But you have to push forward and let him know that getting married is important to you and openly discussing your future is something you need from his as a partner. Guys who like LTRs often talk a lot about marriage at first in my expetience, and they often aren’t serious about it. I don’t know if it’s to draw a woman in harder and faster or if they really just get carried away day dreaming. It seems like he wasn’t all talk, he is serious about you, but he might not be thinking about marriage and he owed you that info & a serious convo before the move & dog & house.

Post # 16
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You need to ask him the following two questions:

“Have you thought about us getting married?”  Don’t be upset if he says no, because then you ask him, “Why not?”

Give him a few days to think about it before asking him again, “Have you thought about us getting married?  Maybe you should think about it.”

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