Post # 1
Some background… he is 39, I am 27, we have been together 2 years, lived together 1.5 years, both have great jobs and a puppy. In October 2015 we mapped out a timeline, and he said that he wants to be married by the end of 2016. We don’t plan on a huge wedding or anything, but I had told him that I want to be engaged for a while before we get married. We had a talk (fight?) about the whole thing in February and he said it would happen by the end of summer, which would leave us about 3 months to be engaged and plan a wedding? I explained to him that most people are engaged for at least a year, and that I don’t want to rush everything once he proposes. He said he would handle it. I kind of assumed (incorrectly) that meant it was coming very soon.. April is pretty much over now and I am starting to get worried… has he changed his mind? The whole thing just doesn’t make sense to me, if he knows he wants to be married this year what is he waiting for? I am just getting worried that the end of summer is going to come and go with no proposal and he is going to back out. I would rather know now so that I can start making other arrangements… Or there is the (likely?) possibility that I am just crazy 🙂
Post # 2
ellcee: You’re not crazy at all. 3 months is not enough time to plan a wedding. Have you considered talking about it again with him? It’s been several months since your last discussion.
Post # 3
Why did you fight about it in February? What was the argument about? I agree that three months is not long enough for most people to plan a wedding, but why must you be married by the end of 2016? I guess I would rather the proposal happen organically when he wants to and the wedding be pushed back a little to allow adequate planning than push the issue and start another fight.
Post # 4
I would discuss it again.
Post # 5
What’s the big deal about getting married this year anyway?
Post # 6
Sounds like he wants you to back off and let him take the reigns! He’s probably being obstinate and waiting just so it’s a surprise or so he can get the proposal just right. I’d calm down and if summer comes and goes I’d talk more about what you are both wanting.
Post # 7
You could always take the radical option: speak with him frankly and honestly and ask him what’s going on.
Post # 8
Honestly, you’re overreacting. He said by the end of summer and we’re barely out of spring. And when it’s all said and done, do you really want to pressure a man into proposing?
Post # 10
I’m in the same boat. In January he had said he “figured” we’d be engaged by the end of 2016 and get married in the summer of 2017. I told him I wasn’t planning a 300 person wedding in 6 months (I want a smaller wedding, but he has a ridiculously large family so even just inviting through aunt/uncles/cousins we’re close to 300). We talked about how long I thought it would take to plan and what all we wanted. He just didn’t realize how much went into planning a wedding of that size and now he’s also saying summer. So maybe having a frank conversation about what type of wedding and how much planning everything will take. But I mean we’re in the middle of spring and he said summer, though I agree 3 months is ridiculous. I couldn’t even find a dress in 3 months, but that might just be me.
Post # 11
My fiance said we would be engaged by the end of 2015… he proposed a minute into 2016, it didnt go well as it felt like he ran out of time and just crowbarred it in it, I actually didnt even expect it but it ended in an argument, panic attack and he said some pretty nasty things about feeling forced
its all sorted now but im so over this ‘by a certain date’ thing, men dont cope well with them even if they set it themselves and honestly it SUCKS to get a last minute, crappy and un-fully-commited proposal because he panicked – there is nothing special in a forced or nagged decision
and to be honest 2 years is nothing so let him decide – I look back at how immature our relationship was compared to now (8 years on) and honestly if we had married then im pretty sure a divorce would of been filed before now, relationships are like children/people – the older they get, the wiser they get because everyday your together you learn how to cope and deal with each other… majority of long term relationships I know that didn’t ‘make it’ broke up at the 5 year point so id take that as my guideline
Post # 12
maybe just touch base to make sure the timeline is on track.
you can definitely plan a wedding in three months- I know a couple that planned a gorgeous wedding in three months and another that did it in less. The one that did it in less e-mailed invitations to keep things speedy and bought a dress that needed minimal alterations rather than getting one made from scratch.
I have a year to plan mine but got everything done in the first month. Just got a list off pinterest and did one element at a time. Would e-mail a set e-mail to a dozen vendors to get quotes- check out the top options and then pay the deposit. Did one thing a night and worked through it quickly.
Doing it quickly stops you wasting time and as long as you weigh options and get quotes you can save money because you don’t have obsess about pinterest ‘essentials’.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
Could it be that he didn’t realise how soon that actually is? My boyfriend is like this – throws out timelines etc before realising that said timeline is actually a lot sooner than it sounds. Eg he gave me a timeline for a year for a certain something, which flew by a lot quicker than he realised
Post # 14
At 39, is he what used to be referred to as a “confirmed bachelor”?
This also used to be called a “dance away lover”. Tons of good intentions, thoughtful, attentive, but just can’t get to a commitment.
How does he come to be single/available at 39?
Post # 15
Thank you all for your responses, I really appreciate all of your different perspectives. I really don’t want to pressure him, that’s why I didn’t bring it up after our talk in February. I decided to kind of touch base on it this weekend though… maybe I shouldn’t have, but I think I needed to release some of my pent up waiting crazyness… We were at dinner and I said “I don’t want to talk about it, but can you just tell me if you have been thinking about what we talked about before?” and I really was not expecting the reaction I got, but he got all lovey-dovey and said “marriage? yes, definitely, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you!”…. so I think it is coming soon…. he has been extra super nice and affectionate and I can just tell something is up….
As far as the wedding planning goes… I guess we will just have to figure it out!