(Closed) What is it about being told to "calm down"?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: When you are irritated, does being told to calm down make you
    Irate : (22 votes)
    32 %
    More angry : (44 votes)
    65 %
    Have no affect : (0 votes)
    Help you calm down : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 4
    327 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn

    It pisses me off even further, because when I’m agitated, angry, pissed off, whatever your term is, I’m already doubly pissed because I sometimes have issues controlling my emotions, so I’m already putting a significant amount of energy in attempting to calm down and work things through. When someone else says “calm down” I want to scream “WTF do you think I’m trying to do?!” But that just forces the person who said it in the first place to repeat themselves or look at you like you’re crazy. It’s maddening.

    Post # 5
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Natalieh86:  Same!  I didn’t see irate until after I voted. 

    My fiance and his brother will argue about certain issues in politics with me.  They frequently say, “You’re getting emotional, you can’t argue emotionally.” AND I GET SO ANGRY.  Because no, I am not getting emotional.  I am passionate about the subject.  I am thinking just as clearly and reasonably as they are — I just happen to be a woman, and I just happen to disagree with them.  

    Post # 6
    1251 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    UGH. That is the WORST thing to say to someone when they are already clearly upset/irritated.

    Post # 7
    4606 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I hate it. FH rarely ever tells me to calm down though because he knows how angry it makes me. 

    Post # 8
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I will also admit that I have used this as a method to demean the person with whom I’ve arguing.  Mostly fiance.  It’s really effective.  =(  

    We don’t fight like that anymore, though, because we’ve learned to actually listen to each other.  THAT’S a huge positive!

    Post # 9
    5657 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    It depends on the situation. Sometimes I like to be told to calm down if I am actually being ridiculous, but only by my husband. He doesn’t tell me to calm down unless I am actually being unruly.

    One time I was at a restaurant for lunch and ordered a beer. The waitress asked for ID  but she apparently didn’t recognize a Quebec ID (we were in Ontario) because she immediately said “I cannot except this”. I answered with “Oh, I don’t understand, why not?” in a very level, calm (even quiet) voice and she responded to me by throwing her arms back and loudly saying “Just calm down! I’ll get you your beer, don’t worry about it!!” It made me extremely angry because she was acting like I was out of control and made a scene when I was completely calm.

    Post # 10
    3772 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Sometimes it helps… but most of the time it makes me more angry. Why? It makes me feel like I’m not allowed to be upset at whatever made me upset and that the other person thinks I’m behaving like a child. UGH. Irritating.

    Post # 11
    901 posts
    Busy bee

    The only worse thing to say is “you need to get a hold of yourself”. I’ve used that one on more than one occasion (not in my relationship) and it has the potential to make someone EXPLODE. I said it to a drunk, crazy woman on NYE who was getting aggressive. 

    Post # 12
    5001 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Haha, I dont think my Fiance has ever told me to calm down, but it would probably piss me off. I think I’ve said it to him, probably pisses him off too!!

    Post # 13
    2107 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    “Calm down” is quite possibly my most hated phrase at the moment.  I had a student who told me to calm down one day in class after I got upset with him for not doing his work and talking (this was after his fourth warning).  I turned to him, and told him that there are three people he should NEVER say calm down to: your teacher, a woman, or a pregnant woman.  Then I told him that considering I was a pregnant woman teacher, he better retract his statement and apologize, or he would really need me to “calm down”.  It was one of those satisfying moments where the entire class ended up laughing at him. 

    Post # 14
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    TOTALLY depends on the tone.  Sometimes if Darling Husband is being sincere and lots of sweet words follow, it’s not a big deal.  Other times, though…watch out!

    Post # 15
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Yeah.  It just pisses me off more and then I want to be defiant.

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