(Closed) What is life like after ending an engagement?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’m so very sorry you are going through this. I didn’t break an engagement, but my ex-FI of 12yrs left 4 wks before we were due to get married. I was heart broken and depressed for a long time. I thought I’d never sleep the whole night through, never think about anything else, never be happy again, and never love again. That was 17 months ago. Now im the happiest I’ve been in my life. It’s been hard, and I’ve had ups and downs and regrets and strong times. But all in all I couldn’t be happier. My new relationship is so different and has changed me for the better. I’m excited about my future for the first time that I can remember.

So yes, it will take time and you’ll have good days followed by steps backwards, but you’ll always be moving forward. Remember : regardless of how bad today is, tomorrow is a new day. 

Post # 5
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@klee13:  Not me personally but my sister went through this.  The man she was engaged to was a horrible compulsive liar and I won’t go into the details.

I remember her being sad, I think she took some time off work.  I remember her crying and me hugging her and telling her that I loved her.  I’m sure the feeling can be very lonely so its important to have friends or family around you.  I’m sorry this is happening to you.  All the best.  I don’t think my sister started dating again until about 6+ months after the break off but she is quite a shy person so just took her time.

Post # 6
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@klee13:  Even though I knew I was doing the right thing, actually breaking the engagement was hard. I cried for a few days and wondered if I was making a mistake. After a few weeks things got easier and I realized I was free and happy. It was one of the smarter choices I have made in life.

Post # 7
11418 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

It takes a great deal of courage to break an engagement. And, it hurts. However, the feelings of pain and loss definitely lessen over time, and there is an immediate sense of relief as well.  It’s like stopping a fast-moving freight train in its tracks that otherwise had been on a collision course with your future.

Post # 8
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@klee13:  I felt sad, guilty, confused and sooooo liberated. It was a long time coming (stealing, drugs, cheating with other men) and it was still really hard to end it. They say, “to thine own self be true,” and I was positive that, despite the hurt, I was doing what was right for me. The tricky part was trying to be friends afterwards. I found that, as long as one person still as feelings for the or (my Fiance for me) it doesn’t work and gives false hope to the one left behind. But, everyone has heir path, and I’m sure other Bees have had other experiences.  In any event, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s not any easier being the one who’s leaving.  My Darling Husband is nothing like my old Fiance, and I would have really sold myself short (and have a divorce under my belt) if I had stayed.

Post # 9
2118 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I ended my engagement in September. My story might be a little different than most, as I went through the breakup process in my head from April till September, when I finally just did it. I had realized I was unhappy in April, and spent the next few months grieving the loss of the relationship, fighting with myself about how to handle my unhappiness, and finding the strength inside myself to act. From the day I broke up with him to today, I have yet to cry or even feel sadness. I’ve only felt relief. But from April until that day, I was brokenhearted, cried nearly daily, and just felt really guilty.  I had spent so long greiving the loss of my engagement by the time I actually ended it. I waited so long because I wanted to make sure I was 100% sure ending it was the right move. When I ended it, I didn’t have a doubt in my mind and literally reached the point where I could not be in a relationship with him another second and still respect myself.

My ex was furious with me and said some really cruel things in the weeks following the breakup. Those stung badly, but just showed me yet again that I had made the right choice- his true colors really showed themselves. He is now in a relationship with someone else and I’ve heard through mutual friends that he is happy. I am truly glad he is, because I am as well.

The day after I ended my engagement, I met my current SO, who is incredible and has showed me a level and type of love and happiness I had never experienced with my Ex-FI (he was my first relationship). I essentially said “Screw ‘acceptable’ timing, I’m doing what makes me happy!” and my now-SO and I began to quietly date not long after meeting. I’ve never been happier. I respect myself so much more now, and couldn’t even imagine my life today if I hadn’t ended things. 

I am so sorry you are in this situation, just know that if you’ve decided you need to do this, it’s the right thing for you. It will hurt, but life will get better and you will be happy, and happier than you are now, again!


Post # 10
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I didn’t. But my BFF ended her engagement about 6 years ago, and I was there with her during the worst parts. Yes, it’s hard. You may want to reconsider, DON’T. Remember that there was a reason. You will feel sad/angry/hurt at times. Don’t shut yourself off. Talk to your friends, they want to help you get through this. And most importantly, remember that things fall apart so better things can fall together. You will find love again, and you will be grateful for this experience. You’ll learn things you never knew about yourself and realize just how strong you can be.

also, that friend I mentioned? She met someone 10x’s the man her ex-fiancé was. And they are getting married in October 🙂

Post # 11
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would recommend the book You Didn’t Complete Me if you are spiritual in any way. While the book has an overtly Christian slant, the author does write about her life and time after having her engagement broken off, while being sympathetic and sometimes entertaining. Hugs to you, dear.

Post # 12
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I had so many people tell me “We’re so glad you didn’t marry T.  He was such a loser.”  Which made me think “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”  Afterward I became very selfish in the sense that I realized I had given up who I was and my dreams and ambitions to be with him, and I didn’t like that.  So I invested in myself, doing the things I wanted to do (go back to school, get a job, follow my passions, and take myself on dates).  I didn’t really think about dating again until I met my Fiance and then it was like “Okay I want to date again, but I want to date him (my FI) not just any guy.”

I feel for you, it’s a very rough thing to go through, but you’ll discover that you’re stronger than you thought possible.  My thoughts are with you.

Post # 13
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Didn’t break off and Engagement

But I got a Divorce after 20+ Years… and that was pretty devastating all around.

Took YEARS to recover from

Was it hard… YES

Was it worth it… MOST DEFINITELY

I knew it was the right thing to do, but that didn’t make it any easier

And eons to figure it all out in my head.

But here I am some 10+ years later… and I can honestly look back and say that it was the best thing I ever did for my emotional / mental well being.

My current husband can run rings around the relationship I had before

Not even on the same wave lenght / stratosphere… by miles !!

No Regrets.  Best thing I ever did.

Hope this helps,


Post # 14
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

You know in your gut that you made the right decision for you life moving forward. Allow yourself time to grieve the loss, but also reassure yourself that you made the best decision for yourself. 

I think you’ll instinctively know when the time is right to begin seeing new people. Don’t jump too quickly though, allow yourself some “selfish” alone time to process your feelings and attend to your own needs and wants for a little while. 

Post # 15
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was in a relationship for five years that pretty much felt like marriage (without the engagement or wedding) that I ended two years ago. For the first week or so, I was bummed out and confused about where my life would take me next. But after that, things slwoly got better and now looking back I truly am happy that I ended things. I am in a much better place now emotionally and look back at those few years as a learning experience and way for me to grow as a person.

I agree with the other posters…things WILL get better, and a whole lot sooner than you think too. Just take a bit of alone time to help nurture your soul.

Post # 16
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

sometimes the hardest part is actually calling it off.  you’ve done that so now it’s mainly just emotions.  yes, you will probably cry and feel bad but every day it gets better.  try to keep yourself busy.

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