(Closed) What is one "wedding etiquette" you disagree with?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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socalgirl1689 :  I’m really not trying to be obstinate or pick a fight.  I was just pointing out that etiquette is just etiquette – the first time many people feel like they need to deal with it is a wedding, but the guidelines apply to all areas of life.

Post # 47
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832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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grapefruithero :  
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SaraJeanQ :  Trust me – as the permanently single friend (until age 37) I have been forced to endure SO MANY bouquet tosses.  It’s terrible.  It made me feel so sad and singled out, which, since I was at a WEDDING, I was already feeling anyway.  (No one ever gave me a plus-one either).  

At my wedding, there were no tosses and everyone was invited to bring a guest.  I didn’t want anyone to feel how I felt all those years.

Post # 48
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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Jacqui90 :  Come on Jacqui.  You’ve been around long enough to know the answer on this one.  Yes, I know it can be cultural, but at many weddings it creates 2 classes of guests – those who would like to partake and can afford it, and those who would like to partake and can’t afford it.  

No one has ever said you have to host alcohol, just that you have to host whatever it is that you choose to provide.

Post # 49
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1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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fredthebasil :  Agreed. Would you invite people to your wedding and say, “we’re serving hamburgers, but if you pay for it you can upgrade to filet mignon.” I really fail to see the difference between that and a cash bar. 

Post # 50
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

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NoItsBecky :  

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hunting_bride :  

I so agree with this one.  Plus liquor is so expensive and I feel that some people take advantage of an open bar… I wish my future hubs & I could get away with providing only wine & beer, but giving the option to purchase cocktails (only a couple dollars, it’s not like we’d charge crazy amounts).  But I think people would give us lip about it.  We’re footing the bill though so I guess it will only be wine and beer!

Post # 51
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7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

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fredthebasil :  I wasn’t asking a question. I know around here it is considered poor etiquette. The thread is about what etiquette you disagree with. I don’t think it’s a good idea to eliminate alcohol altogether if people want it. People can still get alcohol if they want it (assuming they can afford it, as you pointed out). There are likely going to be more pissed off guests if there is no alcohol at all, I know our guests would be.

As I said, we haven’t decided one way or another. It depends on budget and what priorities we have.

Post # 52
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

Surprised many bees think it would be fine to just ask for cash.  It’s super tacky in ANY life event to tell guests/friends what to give you.  “Hey for my birthday party, I’d love..” or “For the baby shower, don’t get him/her an outfit, I’d love a gift card to pick them out myself!”

 

If you don’t have a registry, some people will give you money.  Others?  They don’t WANT to give you money and that’s their perogative as gift-givers.  

Post # 53
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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bayoubee :  That’s because there is no difference LOL.

Post # 54
Member
6370 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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eliii90 :  “Just say – I want cash so I don’t awkwardly turn up with an envelope hoping there’s a box to put it in.”

Wait what? I feel I’m not reading this right because I’m not getting the issue here. You think it’s awkward to show up with an envelope to a wedding?

Post # 55
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

We couldn’t stand how the guys “had to” enter from the side and got like 2 seconds of attention in their minimal entrance to the front of the aisle. So we had the GMs escort the BMs down the aisle so that they got some entry time (which, that’s not necessarily ettiquette as much as it is a riff on tradition). But my groom walked himself down the aisle so that he got that moment too. Still one of my favorite moments was seeing him get to be the center of attention before I walked out. <3

-Hate how you can’t wear white to a wedding. Like, I’m sorry you’re having a summer outdoor ceremony. I would love to wear a white sundress but no, someone might confuse me, the married guest seated in the audience, with the bride walking down the aisle in a formal gown. *eye roll*

-I wish thank you notes weren’t such a huge effing deal. Don’t get me wrong, I write them and I fully support a heartfelt thank you for a gift/attendance. But I wish it was acceptable to thank guests at the wedding and save the thank you notes for folks who sent gifts but did not attend shower/reception in person. Until then I’ll just continue to write them I guess…haha

Post # 57
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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socalgirl1689 :  the whole sending invites like 6-8 weeks before the wedding.. that is too close. Our wedding Out of Town for everyone on the guest list.. we are getting married on June 23. Our invites are going out on Feb 27th, RSVP date is March 31st. So come april 1st We wanna know our guest count.. i know it will take a couple week to chase down the ones who dont RSVP.. plus we have so much stuff going on in April, May and June.. Shower, Bachelor, bachelorette, anniversary, 3 bdays, mothers day, fathers day, a college graduation, easter and im sure there is more that im forgetting.. ther is no fuckimg way im sending the invites only 6 weeks before. I wanna have time to track people dow and be done with it by May 1st. The last 2 months leading up to the wedding are insanely busy and stressful as is.

Post # 58
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

Etiquette of not asking for gifts is why I’ve got two boxes full of the ugliest wine glasses EVER (they come out when the giver of said gift comes over) and 9 photo frames that I’m finally taking to a local charity shop this weekend. If people asked we said gift cards for our two favourite department stores would be greatly appreciated but I know a couple of the things were regifted. I’m in the UK so registries are ok (not TACKY AF!) but we really weren’t fussed about receiving gifts and I personally hate honeymoon fund poems copied and pasted onto invites.

Cash bars are fine in the UK thank goodness. No side-eyeing from guests. If they want more after the wine and champagne provided it’s on them 🙂

Post # 59
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

I want to preface this with: yes, regardless of the contents of this post, I am still planning on extending everyone a plus one. That said, I dislike some of etiquette surrounding plus ones. I vaguely remember a thread, a while back, of a woman not wanting to invite the woman her FI’s groomsman cheated on her maid of honor with, but feeling obligated to allow her as plus one because that was proper etiquette. The whole situation just seemed like such a mess. 

Post # 60
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I disagree with brides not being able to host or help host their own shower under any circumstance. Every situation is different and I would hope one is only inviting close friends and family they know and love to their wedding (and shower). People that won’t be judging them. Guests that have compasssion and understand their situation. Every bride deserves a shower and as long as you’re not putting “present for entry” on the invite no one is demanding gifts or being “gift grabby”. Not to mention, most brides registry information is included with bridal shower invites when given by the BMs. There’s no different, IMO. 

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