What is sex supposed to feel like? Kind of long

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
1353 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

I didn’t read through all of the comments, so I apologize if this is repetitive. My first time was not enjoyable at all; we couldn’t get it in at first, and then when we did, it hurt me a lot, so we stopped after a few minutes. After a couple of months, it became enjoyable, but I never orgasmed. (Even if you aren’t orgasming, are you feeling anything good?) Eventually, I did some research and found that most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, so I bought a little bullet vibrator for my clitoris. That was life-changing! I can orgasm anytime from that alone or during sex. (However, I actually prefer the feeling of orgasming without penetration because I feel the internal vibrations more…if that makes sense.) I’ve also found that sex feels better in certain positions. You can buy sex position books from Amazon, B&N, etc. if you’re not really sure where to start, and I’m sure there’s plenty of information on the Internet too. Good luck!

Post # 34
1422 posts
Bumble bee

So this might be tmi, but I was my fiance’s first, so I had to help him out a bit and can probably give you some tips to gently guide your husband in the direction that feels best for you. Before you do that, it’s important to know what feels good for you. So take your time and explore your own body (long bubble baths are nice).

Now, if you want to show him an angle that works, don’t wait until you’ve started having full on sex. During foreplay have him use his fingers then guide him with either your hand or your words to where it feels good. And tell him that that angle or that spot feels the best. For me, the front is most sensitive, so when using hands that means curling fingers in, but during sex it means I like having my fiance behind me because it mimics the same angle.

Try to frame things by saying something like “I really like X”, not “it is better when you do X”. This way you’re describing your preferences and not commenting directly on him.

Also, when you’re more aroused, your cervix moves higher up and your body is more relaxed. This makes you ‘looser’. Even with larger guys, when I’m more aroused I don’t feel it as much as when I’m not as turned on. One trick would be having you and Darling Husband lie down on your sides and spoon with Darling Husband behind you. From that angle you can press your thighs together and ‘tighten’ things up which feels nice for both of you. This also gives both of you enough space to touch other parts of your body. Also cowgirl (you on top) is really nice because it allows you to take your time and play with the angle of your hips. A lot of guys start off with just in and out movements which really aren’t that satisfying. Try drawing a figure 8 with your hips, that stimulates much more of your body.

And make sure that you’re not ignoring other parts of your body. For example, try kissing/touching all over eachother just to see where the most sensitive parts of your body are. Use that in combination with piv sex and it should help.

I want to give you a quick example of how there is no right way for things to feel. I have a really close friend that I was talking to about this stuff and she mentioned that she’s never had an orgasm from piv sex. She can only have one through clitoral stimulation. For her piv sex feels nice, but not orgasmic at all. For me, if I’ve had an orgasm already, any contact on the clitoris because way too overstimulating and starts to almost hurt. But piv sex still feels really really good and enough for an orgasm. So just 2 people gives you a huge variety.

As for people not telling you about bad sex. They really just don’t want to talk about it. When I first started having sex it probably took 3-6 months to get to something that was really satisfying. And by at the time boyfriend and I had both been virgins, so things were just awkward in general. Even now with my current fiance, sometimes sex is just nice. It doesn’t have to blow your mind every time because it’s a really pleasant way to connect. (though it should blow your mind at least some of the time).

And if you’re looking for toys and lube, I’ve had great experiences with Good Vibes. They’re based in california, but also have an online store. They’ve got a huge variety of things and descriptions of what type of stimulation they’re good for.

Post # 35
1422 posts
Bumble bee

And just saw your comment about just feeling him, but not feeling anything good. That’s totally normal/fine. Many women don’t get off through penetration. Ask him to use his fingers on your clitoris during sex so that you enjoy it more. Or take things into your own hands (literally). Just keep trying and you guys will find something that you enjoy!

Post # 36
9735 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I just wanted to say him saying people who can go multiple times a day is fictional is total bullshit. My husband could go for six hours straight if I would let him but I have shit to do! 

Some men are “one and done” guys (sounds like your husband might fall into this catagory) but not all of them are. It just kind of depends on the person but I do believe it’s something you can work on and learn tips and tricks to get around.

Post # 37
3837 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

You’re so right that no one tells you that penetration alone is not good for most people! In the movies everything just comes together perfectly and they’re both in bliss, but in reality sometimes you can’t even figure out how to get it in! So unrealistic. 

Post # 38
2094 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I encourage foreplay, lubricant, and clitoris stimulation. I personally don’t like condoms and don’t think you need that and the pill. 

Post # 39
22 posts

whimsicalwishes :  sometimes sex takes a while to feel good. I lost my virginity to my bf at 16 and did not have a vaginal orgasm till I was 19. We were both virgins. Now I can orgasm every time (it is the same man- I am now 23) It is important to remember that it is different for everyone and not to put too much thinking and pressure into having an orgasm. I would suggest different positions. Some positions make it easier for g spot stimulation. Woman on top is always a good go to. I would just be patient and learn to enjoy each other in other ways until it happens. You will know what it is supposed to feel like when it happens. Use lube and explore and most importantly have fun! Good luck! I hope this helps! 

Post # 40
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

It’s going to take a while, no ones first few times are good. It doesn’t just miraculously feel good when something goes in.

show him what you like, you’ve masturbated before so you know something works. Enjoy the close time with your husband. A lot of women can’t have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Get on top and grind against him while he is in you, use toys and lube. Be very careful what lube you get, some of them numb me up a little and it makes it harder to climax.

Relax and enjoy your time, it doesn’t work the same for us as it does for guys. Make sure your warmed up and excited for what’s to come wether or not you have an orgasm out of it. It will come, it takes a while for new couples, it may take longer because you were both virgins.

Post # 41
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

I find it’s much easier to orgasm when I’m on top and have control of the movement.  Use oral as foreplay!  Laugh together and talk about what feels good.  It’ll get better. I don’t feel size has much to do with it.

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