What is something you wish you would have been told before you became a mother?

posted 12 months ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
2525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

That everyone has views/opinions on parenting, and while it’s fine to get input, to do what feels right for you as a mom. I think that’s the most important thing. You’ll find your own way of parenting, and you’ll get judged along the way but do what feels right for your family and baby.

What suprised me… how much love you have for your child. It’s even more than anyone can ever describe. It’s all consuming. How much being a mother motivated me in every aspect of my life, to continue my education, get a good job and strive to be the best role model for my child. 

How hard it is, there were days I didn’t know how I would keep going but you always find a way. The hormones after birth which for me turned into (what i believe was) PPD, and how it’s okay to talk about it because at the time I felt alone but also didn’t know how to reach out and admit how I was feeling. How your relationships with change with pretty much everyone, your partner, friends and family. Some friends will be super accepting of the change and you’ll possibly lose some friends too. 

Post # 3
Member
10024 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Something I would tell my pre-baby self based on my experiences is:

Labor isn’t as bad as it seems

All the cliches about how much you love them are more true than you can ever put into words.

Its not as hard as you think

My advice would not apply to all women, however. I had a easy labor and an easy baby personality wise. I had bought into all the stories of terrible labor and how much it sucks when they are little and don’t sleep through the night and all that and that hasn’t been the case for me so it was a lot of needless worry.

Post # 4
Member
7835 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t even remember where I got this screen shot, but it is so true. I’m a mom of 3 and it is hard, because unexpected challenges come along and sometimes you have to let go of the dreams you had of how you thought things would be, and accept what is and who your kids are. 

Post # 5
Member
8244 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sallyloves90 :  for me labor and childbirth were the easy part. I’d do that again no sweat. But newborns….newborns are terrible. And I actually had a fairly easy newborn that started sleeping through the night at 2 months, but those first 8 weeks are BRUTAL. We originally wanted 3-4 kids but we’ll likely stop at 2 because the post partum experience was so bad for me. 

Post # 6
Member
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You’ll love this baby more than anything or anyone you’ve loved before.

labour is not that bad and you forget it very quickly

its better before they start moving lol

Post # 8
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

1. Breastfeeding can be one of the more painful experiences of your life until you figure it out and toughen up some. But well worth it. I thought it’d be easy since it’s natural.

2. Even the best of kids will have terrible phases that will stress you out.

3. If you think parenting is easy, you just haven’t had the bbirth control baby. My theory most families get that one crazy challenging kid that makes them stop reproducing… or makes them wait longer to reproduce. If you don’t see why parenting is challenging then that’s because you haven’t had your bcb yet. Once you do, you’ll judge other moms waaaaaaaaayyyyy less. 

I have two daughters. I was super smug after the first. She rarely cried. Was sweet and well behaved. I thought I was just a great mom. To celebrate… I had my second. And decided my exh and I should never reproduce again, lol.

Post # 9
Member
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

How much you’ll worry about them. Especially as they become teens and they have to start making tough decisions without you.  No matter how much you tell them what to do and the bad things that happened to you sometimes they just can’t learn without making their own mistakes.

Post # 10
Member
6838 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Labor sucked. Recovery sucked. The newborn stage sucked. And PPD is very very real and terrfying. 

I’m seriously LOLing at all these posts about labor and delivery were easier and forgotten quickly. I’m so jealous! That was not my experience at all. It’s been almost exactly a year since my son was born and I still remember how awful it was. I’ve told my husband that I’d happily have another baby if we could skip the whole labor, delivery, and newborn stage. Just give me a 4 month old to start and we’re golden. 

When I was pregnant, everyone made it seem like this love you have for your child just makes things easier and totally worth it. I’m not saying it’s not worth it, but there have still been some very hard, very dark times. Everyone always couches that with a “but I love him so much it’s all worth it!” and that can really make a new mom feel like shit sometimes when she’s going through the thick of it. NOW I love him more than words can describe. NOW I understand what other parents were saying. But back when he was a newborn? Nope. My husband had that bond with him right away, but for me it took longer. I loved my baby, I just didn’t like him. 

So, if you can’t tell from the above, I obviously suffered from PPD. The thing is, it wasn’t like what I’d read about. I didn’t want to hurt my baby. I didn’t want to hurt myself. I was just in a horrible, dark haze and I couldn’t find myself. I felt completely lost. I wish I had reached out to someone sooner and gotten some sort of help, but I couldn’t grasp what was truly wrong. It wasn’t until I was finally coming out of my haze that I realized I should’ve been in therapy or talking to a doctor about this. Next time, if there is a next time, I will try and be more vigilant and honest with myself. 

Post # 11
Member
7835 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I understand what you mean, but please know I’m coming from a specific place. I’m not talking about wishing you had a football player when you get a violinist.

My 15 year old daughter has Epilepsy that is progressing. The other day another mom I just met with a child the same age asked me if my daughter was excited to get her license soon. And I had to say “no, my daughter has epilepsy so that isn’t in the cards for us”. Possibly the same with attending college and living independently. It is heartbreaking, not because i wish she was different necessarily, but because I want every opportunity for her. But instead, it is a grief process and learning to accept (and love) who and what she will be some day and the life she will have. I hope that makes sense and gives some clarity to my first post. My point is, you never know what you’re going to get and sometimes you need to adjust your expectations.

sallyloves90 :  

Post # 12
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

llevinso :  the worst part of ppd is that you feel crappy but are in such a fog that you don’t usually realize how unusually bad you feel until it’s passed. 

The nurses tried to hand me my baby after delivery and I didn’t even want her. 

It took the better part of a year to feel normal again. 

Post # 13
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

sallyloves90 :  Thank you for starting this thread. We are thinking of TTC in two to three months and I am really appreciating these responses <3

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