(Closed) What is the appropriate way to word the invites?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would ask what they feel is appropriate/what they’re comfortable with.

If they don’t have a preference I would go with just “together with their parents” is easiest.

Post # 4
Member
4361 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You do not need to list their names, no.

My understanding is that it is not usual to include step parents, but you can.

This article can explain in a little depth the proper etiquette.  In your case (if you choose to include parents) unless his parents specifically want to be included on the host line, I wouldn’t include them – your parents are paying the bulk, and it’s usual for the grooms side to contribute something even if they’re not hosts. *edit* the can still be on the invite

For his side I would use this wording: “Mrs Jane Doe and Mr John Doe” (assuming that his mum kept her married name even though she is divorced).  If you want to include his stepmom “Mrs Jane Doe and Mr & Mrs John Doe” *edit*- you can use this if you put this in the host line or the “son of” line.  Always put the mother first 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@SweetHoneyBee: The invitation has a purpose, which is to inform the recipient about:

Who is inviting whom to what, where, and when.

The guests need to know who is inviting them — that is, who the whostess will be 😉  — so that they know who they are trusting with their safety and comfort. The hostess is the person taking personal, individual responsibility for the well-being of all her guests; regardless of whatever financial resources and favours she has had to pull together in order to be able to act as hostess. Guests do NOT need to know about your financial arrangements, and it is in very bad taste to disclose or advertise your financial arrangements.

By the highest standard of formal traditional etiquette, the only time two names are written conjointly on the same social correspondence is if the two people are married. A lady can issue an invitation in her own name, or in the name of herself and her husband. If the lady is the chair of a social committee, she may issue the invitations on behalf of the committee. The committee does not issue the invitations as a committee.

I rather regret that so many modern weddings are, in effect, hosted by committee. Where many people are mutually responsible, the general result is that no-one is personally responsible. The wording you are suggesting is reminiscent of the proper social-committee wording:

Miss Aspasia Phipps,
on behalf of the Upper Rockey Mountain chapter of the Loyalists Club Womens Auxiliary
requests the pleasure of the company of …

and I would be inclined to prefer that wording — as long as the parents don’t mind. Because even though disclosing your financial arrangements to the world is in bad taste, undermining your financial arrangements by offending the donors is a concern that you must manage as well.

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