(Closed) What is the arrangement w/ “money”, when relatives are helping you w/ costs?

posted 8 years ago in Money
  • poll: How did you receive the contribution money for wedding costs?
    They gave us the money up front for us to manage. : (16 votes)
    31 %
    They give us each amount per deposit/purchase : (21 votes)
    40 %
    Other : (15 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 3
    1732 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    My parents have given us X and Future Mother-In-Law has given us X.  They hold the checkbook, but both have said that we use it how we want, and if we don’t spend it on the wedding, it’s our money regardless.  Neither my parents or Future Mother-In-Law have made many requests aside from guests, so we feel pretty lucky. 

    I think in your case I would want it the other way around.  My mom will reimburse me for small purchases, but for the big deposits and payments, we put it directly on her card.  She and Future Mother-In-Law have both called in CC payments to vendors.  Fiance and I handle almost no exchange of funds.

    Post # 4
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    My parents are just paying the bills as they come in – they offered us a set amount originally, but it looks more like they’re going to pay the major vendors (reception hall/caterer, chapel fee, dj, photographer, florist, baker) instead, and we’re getting everything else ourselves.

    Post # 7
    713 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We’re waiting until the end to get money from our parents. We know that both sets of parents are going to contribute lots to the wedding – but I like to be in control of my finances and I felt it would be a little too stressful to go back and forth or keep track of who has paid for what!

    So we told our parents that we were prepared to pay for the whole thing if necessary and that we’d cover all the costs initially. We showed them our budget and we’ll give them the final tally at the end. That way they can contribute as much as they feel comfortable once all is said and done. (both sets of parents have helped us out financially in the past and I’m confident that they will give us a generous sum) It is going to be a little harder for us to pay for everything as we go… but I think we’ll be able to manage and then any money from our parents will be more of a gift after the wedding.

    I’m also hoping this will prevent any fights or frustration over which parents are paying for more things… covering deposits… etc.

    NatDawn – I can totally understand how you feel that there are strings attached. If your dad didn’t care how you used the money… he’d just give it to you upfront. But he probably just wants to pace himself and make sure you are spending the money wisely. Still frustrating though.

    Post # 8
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    To put it simply, my parents are paying for the wedding.  They have written all the deposits and plan to pay for most of it.  My Fiance and I have paid for our wedding coordinator though.  And if I see things I like and can afford I’ll buy them.  But for the majority of the wedding, my parents are paying.  Sometimes I’ll buy things and I’ll tell my parents about it then they’ll write me a check for it.

    We didn’t set a budget, but please don’t confuse that with an unlimited budget lol.  We are having a budget wedding, in that when we research vendors, options, services, etc. we are choosing the best quality for the lowest cost.  Plus because I’m a graphic designer, I’ve made all of our paper products and I’m DIYing a lot of other things like centerpieces.

    Post # 9
    671 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    It is an awkward situation and it’s really hard to make demands of your parents when they are being generous with their money.  My parents paid for 80% of our wedding.  My mom and I said down at the very beginning and outlined what my Fiance and I would pay for (all stationery, dress, accessories, suit, rings, minister, rehearsal dinner, wedding party & parent gifts, favors, Out of Town bags, travel & accommodations for our Destination Wedding and honeymoon) and my parents graciously offered to pay for the the rest. 

    Most of our vendors preferred checks so it was easy for my mom to write and mail checks as needed (deposits first and then the remaining balance a few weeks prior to the event).  I think there were a couple of things that I paid but then she immediately reimbursed me for them, and none of them were more than $500 so they didn’t put a big crunch on our finances. 

    Post # 10
    962 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We’ve been planning a distance-challenged wedding too – and what we’ve done for folks that are contributing has been pretty consistent.  We’ve been choosing/booking vendors, then those who are paying for them have been sending checks as we tell them to, or will just have the money day of – to pay then.  The only vendor that is different is our baker – our friend who has gifted us that, has done all the leg work: tasting, giving baker our preferences, and all communication.  I trust these friends immensely, so I’m really not worried about the turn out, and quite honestly, it’s one less thing I have to do!

    Post # 11
    900 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    My parents also offered “X” amount for both myself and my sister who got married last year.  My sister lived very near my mom and my mom wrote all of the checks.  My sister also took my mom with her to nearly every appointment.

    I’m much more independent (also older) and I didn’t want to ask my mom for like 20 different checks.  So she wrote one to me and one to my Fiance with the total amount and then we’re just paying on our own…or trying to use Rewards credit cards!


    Post # 12
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @NatDawn: My dad does the bank deposit thing too! But he just put a lump sum in at the beginning of the planning process and said that if if didn’t cover half of the wedding (what he and my mom offered), then he’ll put in more at the end.

    Post # 13
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I voted for the first option, as that is essentially what our arrangement is.

    I have two sets of parents (divorced and both remarried when I was very young). My dad has given us X in two big cheques (each for 50% of his contribution) and we are free to use it as we please.

    My mum also gave me one cheque for X, and since then has offered to give me another cheque, but we decided instead that she should just hang onto the money for now. This is because the reception is at the country club to which my stepdad belongs, so the bill will be coming to him anyway on his membership billing – so I figured it was better for them to just hold onto the money and pay the bill when it comes in, rather than giving it to me, and then me giving it back to them when they receive the final bill.

    Post # 15
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Since my parents are footing almost all the bill ($10,000 budget) we have opted to keep them very involved in the planning process.  My mom has actually just paid for the things as they came up.  We haven’t hashed out how much my FH’s parents will be contributing but when we do I think they will be giving us the money directly and we’ll just pass it along to my parents to add to our total wedding fund. 

    Post # 16
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    We’re having difficulty with this, as we created our wedding budget after a discussion with my parents, who said they would pay X amount (less than half) and we figured what we could do. We’ve been engaged for a year (6 months to go), and they’ve deposited less than 10% of what they said. I keep calling to say ‘hey, if it’s not possible, that’s totally fine – just let me know so we can change our budget/vendors/etc accordingly’, but they say it will come. I’m worried we’ll wait anouth 3 months and then be screwed!

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