(Closed) What is the big deal about bachelor parties??

posted 11 years ago in Parties
Post # 17
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m in the “if he goes, he goes” but “if he doesn’t then I”m all for it” boat. Personally I think they are pointless & a waste of money.. And I really don’t want some skank all over my fiance. My one issue with if he goes is that he is the only one of his friends that is even in a serious relationship (we are 30) and the rest of them all still act like they are 21 & do the exact same stupid crap they did back then. I don’t have a “trust issue” with my fiance but I am realistic too & sometimes when you get way too much alcohol in someone stupid things happen.. I do think its crappy to say that anyone against them is either insecure/untrusting/etc or a stick in the mud though..

Post # 18
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@.twist.: I don’t get it either, I’ve just seen people post it a lot on these boards. I think they consider it disrespectful any night, although some people seem to fixate on the “meaning” of a bachelor party.

Post # 19
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s not about trust for me, it’s about all the sexism implicit in the traditional bach party (referring to the “last hurrah” thing here–not talking about a benign guys’ outing).

To me, the idea of there being a need for any kind of “last hurrah” before the wedding plays directly into so many of the gender stereotypes that I would love to dispel. I don’t want marriage to be equated, however loosely, with ‘The End of Fun and Freedom for Man.’

Among my circle of acquaintances, traditional bachelor parties are just considered misogynistic and kind of passe. The guys I know who’ve gotten married haven’t even considered having one…that’s just the way it is! 

Post # 20
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Might sound weird, but honestly I think it’s demeaning to the stripper. Not that I have any control over what people do, but I don’t want to support or involve myself in anything where I feel a persons service to me is demeaning to them. *shrug*

Post # 21
Member
2896 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s a respect thing for us. When I go out dancing with my girlfriends, I do not dance with other guys. I think it goes without saying that if we don’t like each other dancing with other people, then making those other people naked is not going to make it better.

I am not insecure in my relationship, I don’t fear that Mr.ND would cheat with some stripper, but if he would not appreciate me doing those things on any random Tuesday, why is ‘one last night’ appropriate and supposed to not be an issue?

I know there is a wide variety of opinions on this, but I don’t blanket those who are totally cool w/ strippers with statements of ‘they’re fine if they’re Fiance sleeps with other gals’ or ‘they’ve clearly got no boundaries,’ so I know I’m a bit off-put when it’s automatically assumed that I’m an insecure girl who has no fun since we’re not into particular activities out of mutual respect for each other’s boundaries. 

Post # 22
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

A bachelor party that doesn’t include him going to a stripclub or getting alcohol poisoning is fine by me. Stripclubs and excessive drinking are not ok because of moral and respect reasons. It has nothing to do with trust issues, as I am 100% confident that he wouldn’t cheat on me. Also, FH is not even slightly interested and we have agreed on these boundaries together. 

Post # 23
Member
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Mm, there’s a lot of things that play a role in the whole strip club scenario.  I, for one, don’t care for strip clubs.  I also know for a fact that J doesn’t care for them either.  He’d much rather get together with his buddies, drink, bullshit, and play video games.  I don’t even think he cares about going on a last “huzzah” anyways.  He knows too many things have happened during that time (because the majority of his friends are scum) and he wants no part in it.

Everyone is different.  Once again, I’ve said this on a post before so excuse me for repeating myself, but life would be so routine and boring if people were the same.

Post # 24
Member
3214 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

There was a post by one of the bees a little while ago, I don’t remember who. I’ll say (roughly) what I said there:

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is a patron of any kind of sex worker.  Most sex work is exploitative and demeaning.  Perhaps under some circumstances it can be otherwise, but in 99% of U.S. cases, that’s just how it is.  I would never, EVER want to be with someone who found pleasure in that.  Happily, my Fiance finds strip clubs to be even skeevier than I do. He’s been twice, both times dragged along with friends, and he refuses to ever do so again (this is completely independent of me). This is reason # 9934 why he’s the right man for me.

That makes me neither a stick in the mud nor someone with trust issues, though of course it’s hard to say that in a way that doesn’t sound defensive.

Edit: I’m fine with “bachelor parties,” just not with sex work being a part of that.

Post # 25
Member
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mightywombat: J went through the same as that person’s Fiance.  He hated it and actually got kicked out once for being a smart ass.  I thought that was funny.

Post # 27
Member
3338 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I personally don’t care, but he wouldn’t go to one.  In fact, he thinks I’m weird because the concept doesn’t make me jealous.

ETA: I can’t see him NOT going to a strip club, for example, if one of his good friends got married.  That’s my pt.  But they’re all married off.

Post # 29
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m fine with bachelor parties that don’t involve strippers or hookers.  If it’s not something he can invite a female co-worker to do, it’s not an option.  They can drink, play poker/pool, etc.  But he’s not gonna ask a coworker to strip to just her underpants and shoes and waggle her assets at him.  He’d have a problem with me asking for a striptease/lap dance from another man, I’d have a problem with him asking another woman for that sort of thing.

Post # 30
Member
4437 posts
Honey bee

I just wanted to add to my post that I am not trying to poke fun at women who are against it. I am alright with watching a pole dancer, but I am not okay with lapdances and neither is DH. Like NDBee, when I go out with my ladies, I don’t dance with guys either. Everyone’s relationship is different and this is just the understanding that DH and I have.

To me, yes, most sex work is exploitative. BUT I do not see stripping as such. I have been friends with several girls who are/were strippers and the one thing they all had in common was that they did it because it made them feel sexy and powerful (and it was good money). I dont see voluntary sex work as being exploitative, especially if you enjoy it. Just my opinion.

Post # 31
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Some women just have more traditional values (and believe it or not, some men do to). My husband and I are those types. We don’t see how cheating on each other should be a rite of marriage. We also think ‘getting drunk’ is unsophisticated and not at all fun. (I’ve done it before, thinking it would be fun; not fun.) We have way more fun enjoying each other’s bodies and our crazy but still uneffected minds than we would looking at other people and partying.

But to each her own, some people have completely different thoughts and I’m okay with that! As long as the person you’re marrying has the same views, who cares what anyone else thinks?

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