(Closed) What is the big deal about bachelor parties??

posted 11 years ago in Parties
Post # 62
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t hate bachelor parties but I don’t like the idea of my fiance getting a bunch of asses and titties rubbed in his face at a strip club.  I don’t understand why I have to be labeled as insecure, jealous, or untrustworthy just because I’m not a fan of something that I think is sleazy and trashy.  My BFF has mentioned hiring a male stripper for my party but I know deep down it won’t really happen, and I don’t really want it to.  It’s a waste of money and I really do think it’s gross, for both males and females.

If other chicks are totally okay with that then so be it, but screw the people who want to sit there and label me as some untrustworthy jealous uptight bitch because I’m not okay with it.  And yes I have been to a strip club, which actually strengthened my feelings about the matter.  A lap dance is a little more than a “hug” and I think that comparison is stupid. 

Post # 63
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee

Meh, the stripper debate puts me to sleep at this point. Personally, I could not care less. Like, not at all. If that means someone thinks I’m supporting a demeaning industry or that I don’t care if my Fiance respects me then that’s on them – I’m pretty damn comfortable in my relationship and the boundaries that my SO and I have set. It’s one of those things that the two sides will never agree on. Someone trying to convince me that something I see as insignificant is a super-duper-really-big relationship-ending-omghe’sacheater deal is just not going to happen, and vice versa. I truly can’t relate.

Post # 64
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee

@Meealissa: “A lap dance is a little more then a “hug” and I think that comparison is retarded.”

I’m in the indifferent category and even I agree. That comparison really IS retarded!

Post # 65
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I dislike just about everything that goes along with bachlor and bachlorette parties – including, but not limited to, strip clubs, excessive drinking, breast and penis shaped objects, and the whole idea of it being the last night of singleness. Neither of us will be having one.

Post # 66
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Meealissa: A lap dance is a little more than a “hug” and I think that comparison is stupid.

That comparison is really dumb. I’m not at all against strip club bach parties and I agree that’s a really poor comparison.

Post # 67
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

eh, I could give a crap.

I know I have posted my thoughts in other boards but I am with the OP. I find it interesting to see what other people have to say about strip clubs and why they do not agree with the concept.

I used to care back when Fiance and I started dating 6 years ago. But I think since we have been together so long (and I grew up), my views started to change. I actually want him to go out and have a good time, strip club or not!

Fiance is not one for the dance/club scene. And so when I go out with my friends (boys and girls) I dance with my guy friends. Fiance wants me to have fun and he knows he can’t dance (no rhythm, haha) so why should he stop me from having a good time? It’s harmless. Of course, this works in OUR relationship. This isn’t to say that every relationship should work this way. To each his own. I respect everyone’s thoughts on it even if mine is a little extreme.

Post # 68
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My husband is a straightforward, honest, dependable guy.  But he turned into a straight-up LIAR about his bachelor party.  Every fib I discovered pushed me farther and farther over the edge.  It was a cycle – he would hide things, knowing they’d upset me – and then I would find out and assume the worst.  There were points when I considered, very seriously, calling off the wedding.  I didn’t even want to mail the invites out until after the weekend was over.  It made me question whether this was the only thing he’d lied to me about.  I will admit that I ended up having a complete, hideous, screaming meltdown.  

In the end – I’m talking two months into planning the party – my husband saw how deeply his plans were upsetting me and had a stripper-free weekend that was, according to everyone there, a complete blast.  I’m still not sure if I could have forgiven him if he’d gotten a lap dance, and it still pisses me off that he didn’t just believe me from the beginning, when I said, “seriously, I am cool with almost anything, but you cannot have strippers.”  Or if he’d said, “nope, I really want to go to a club, so let’s hash this out now,” maybe they could have gone to a club or something – but because he and his friends told me so many white lies I just couldn’t them with anything relating to the party.

Whew, that was cathartic!  I guess the short version is, the reason I hate bachelor parties is because it can bring out the worst in men, on many levels.  I was just as pissed about the lying as I was about the actual plans, and I think if we’d just hashed it out in the beginning, we would have had a much nicer engagement.

Post # 69
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

For those that think that the whole strip club thing is a moral issue, don’t you think that that’s an opinion your fiance should share with you or at least respect that you feel that way?  He has the choice of whether he will let the best man plan that type of event (i.e. he has the power to veto this portion of the night if he wants to).  If he shares in your ideology, wouldn’t you think he’d respect you in that way?  I just don’t understand being against bachelor parties.  If he’s the type that will go to a strip club on his bachelor party night, he’s also the type that will go on any other occasion (or for no occasion whatsoever).  It sounds like you have a problem with your fiances morals or the insecurities in yourself to take it out on the bachelor party.  And if he does share the same morals as you, he’ll make sure his best man plans a more PG rated event.

Post # 70
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I have been suckered into two days worth of googling ‘Bachelor Parties’ and felt sickened from what I’ve read. Granted from what I concluded there not all like that, but from the mass..it would seem like most are, and we just don’t know about it.

I completely trust my fiancee to make the right decisions on his bachelor party night, but the main idea of all the posts I’ve read is…’YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT REALLY WENT ON’ (even from your trustworthy and honest man) and I think that is the most disturbing and uncomfortable part for most of us. If he can’t tell you about it, he did something you would most likely disapprove of. I understand the same thing has happened at bachelorette parties, but seems FAR LESS common. I really wish there could be more positive connotation of bachelor parties and that women wouldn’t have to stress so much!!! It’s really damaging to a relationship to even have to wonder how far the strip club went with your Fiance and how much he agreed to..

Post # 71
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I have no problem with bachelor/bachelorette parties. I can’t wait to have mine! We’ll probably go clubbing and have a lingerie party. But no strippers… I’m sure my fiance’s friends will try to bring strippers, but he won’t go for that. He’s never like the idea. 🙂

Post # 72
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

As a (single) male I’ll add my two cents on bachelor parties and specifically, four which have recently happened or about to happen.  Two that were/are tame and two that were/are your cliched Hangover craziness.  

 

Tame bachelor party #1 – among the party: friends, family and his pastor.  What happened?  Shooting some guns at a local shooting range followed by dinner/drinks at a some restaurant.  Party over by 9ish.  

 

Tame bachelor party #2 – among the party: friends and family.  What will happen?  A lunch at his place followed by an afternoon waterskiing at a nearby lake.  Party likely over early evening because the wedding is the next morning.

 

Wild bachelor party #1 – among the party: friends.  What happened?  A really wild (and costly) night weekend in Vancouver that I assume would offend even the most tolerant bride that proclaim they have no issues with bachelor parties.

 

Wild bachelor party #2 – among the party: friends.  What will happen?  See #1.  Except in Vegas. 

 

Obviously bachelor parties widely vary.  Tame #1 groom didn’t really want one but ended up doing something because he thought that’s what grooms have to do, I guess.  Similar thing with the tame #2 groom though this was a time for him to hang out with out-of-town friends/family coming to the wedding.  For both wild #1 and 2 it was an excuse to go crazy under the guise of a bachelor party.  If  you’re looking for trouble it will find you and if it’s a destination bachelor party in a place like Vancouver or Vegas you’re surely not going on a quaint getaway for a t-shirt and a few expensive drinks with your innocent pals.  Trust me, you’re partaking in all that city has to offer.  Legal or illegal.  

 

So what’s the big deal with bachelor parties and why the hatred for such an event?  If it’s not something along the lines of tame #1 or 2 or you’re not in an open relationship or the thought of strippers performing a lap dance (or probably, I assume, much more) on your fiance doesn’t bother you then I would suggest there’s much not to particularly relish about a traditional (and passe, imo) bachelor party where you know (or should know) exactly what’s going on.  

 

If genuine, the OP seemed giddy that her guy was getting sloppy drunk and hitting strip clubs while her and her friends were going to a beach resort to have ‘fun’.  To each their own but not everyone is going to give their consent to that kind of licentiousness.  And that’s okay.  

Post # 73
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I have nothing against them. Personally for me, I do not want a bachelorette party. To me it’s a waste of money. I know it’s supposed to represent your “last night of freedom” but if I marry someone, I would hope that I didn’t view the night before our wedding that way. When you look at it as a last night of freedom, it seems like your marriage is forced or unwanted. I just think the reasoning isn’t there, and it’s slighly selfish. If you’re in a healthy relationship, I don’t think it’s needed. If my future husband wants to go out and have a good time with his friends and go drink, go chill with friends, etc I don’t care! I welcome it! Even if it was a strip club, it wouldn’t bother me! I would much rather just spend my last night before marriage with a few close friends, catching up over dinner. If my future fiance wanted to have one, I would tell him to go for it! But I would also make sure he knew that it wouldn’t be the last time he could have fun with friends. 

Post # 74
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m a lot more concerned about the DRINKING than I am concerned about my fiance looking at some boobs! I absolutely know that he is going to get shit-faced drunk, so I asked one of our non-drinking friends to go along as a favor to me (even though he hates being around drunk people) and make sure that they don’t do anything really dangerous, like drinking and driving or similar. But the idea of him going to a strip club- as long as he doesn’t make it a habit- doesn’t bother me. I just don’t like people getting really drunk.

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