Post # 1
So this is not meant to start a huge argument, but I am genuinely curious: what is the big deal about having a “no kids” wedding? I am not saying that exceptions do not exist, but really, these people that throw a fit because their kids aren’t invited baffle me. Now newborns who are breast feeding, I understand, but all your other kids 2 yrs and up? It’s called a babysitter. You’re telling me you don’t have someone, anyone, a friend, a cousin, a mother in law, that can’t watch your kids? I think what really frustrates me is that weddings give you so much notice. You have months, a whole year even, to work out 1-2 days of child care. Why is this such a trial or inconvenience?
anyway, I guess this is genuine curiosity and wanting to understand, mixed with a vent. I am having a child free wedding, and am just wanting others’ opinions 🙂
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
@CountryBee13: I work at a children’s theater and I am so sick of these parents who cannot be unattached to their child. YOUR CHILD WILL BE FINE! Please leave them alone. You are impeding on their social development. I think the whole attachment/helicopter parenting thing has gotten way out of line. Like, it is the parent having the panic attack from being away from the kid…not the other way around. NO coddling your kids, please. It really doesn’t do them any favors.
That was MY rant. so sorry to thrend jack.
ETA: Doesn’t it make you mad that the text box doesn’t support spellcheck
Post # 4
@CountryBee13: Do you have children?
Post # 5
I get it is hard to leave your children but at some point in time it HAS to be done.
Post # 6
@Bostongrl25: I do not, but I have family members who tell me they can’t wait to use the wedding as an excuse to get away from their kids and be solo grown ups for the night.
and I guarantee when I do have kids, I will make solo time with my husband and other adults a priority.
I may not understand being a mother yet, but I still hold to my belief that it’s not healthy for you or your child to constantly be attached at the hip, and leaving them for an evening shouldn’t be the end of the world
Post # 7
@CountryBee13: I feel ya. It was our decision to have a no kids wedding and I got some flack from that. I think some people view weddings as a family event and family is all about the little ones to some parents. Others would love love LOVE to get out for a night without the little ones. I agree though that people usually get a ton of notice for these weddings, and I even went so far as to have a recommendation for an out of town family member on FI’s side who has twin toddlers and an older little girl. I thought they would be a problem but they were the first rsvp I got! Some people view their kids as an extension to themselves. My matron of honor is one of these. I hadnt invited her to the bridal shower, and she just assumed she could come, bought her a new dress, etc etc. But I just dont think bridal showers are fun events for little kids. Also, as I keep telling everyone, if our wedding were a picnic where kids could run around and have fun, then I would have a kids wedding. It’s not. Its a semi formal, sit down dinner. I’m not a parent but Ive been around and raised enough kids to know, (nanny babysitter etc.) that it would be agony for most little ones to sit through a church service, then sit at a cocktail hour, then sit at an hour long dinner…. by the evening reception’s “party dancing time” its usually time for the little ones to get to bed. And as a parent, I wouldnt want to leave the reception right when all the fun stuff is happening. So yeah it kind of boggles my mind too, but whatever. I’m sure for my Bachelorette party, thrown by my matron of honor, her toddler and her 7 month old will be there too! (It’s just the way she is). Oh, also I had a family member ask ten minutes before my shower started if they could bring their daughter too because “they just cart her along everywhere.” I had to decline considering we only had enough chairs set up for the amount of people coming, and she isnt the most well behaved little girl. I always say, different strokes for differnt folks, but at the end of the day its your wedding day and people SHOULD respect what you want, within reason of course. Should being the operative word…..
Post # 8
I dont have children either, I was just wondering.
I don’t think there is one standard answer to this question. Maybe some parents are helicopter parents, maybe they truely don’t have a friend/relative that can watch the child, and maybe they don’t want to leave them overnight. It could be any number of reasons but who cares. If they chose not to come to the wedding, thats their choice.
I dont understand child free weddings myself, but I know everyone has different feelings on it.
Post # 9
@CountryBee13: I get what you’re saying- Fiance and I usually leave our kids home when invited to a wedding so we can get the night to spend as “grown ups”
HOWEVER, I’ve seen instances where neices and nephews of the bride and groom aren’t invited and I think that’s sad. I couldn’t imagine my wedding without my neices and nephews…they’re our blood and our kids’ first cousins and such an awesome part of our lives.
Post # 10
@CountryBee13: I completely agree. I don’t see what the big deal is at all. I think I’m lucky that I won’t have that problem (my friends are awesome – they just said to let them know if it’s no kids and they’ll make arrangements) but for those of you going through it I think it’s just plain awful how guilty family and friends can make you feel for saying no kids – as if you’re some awful person who hates children or other nonsense!
Don’t let them bully you – you are allowed to make your choices and not allowing children is one of them. It does not make you a bad sister/friend/aunt/daughter!
Post # 11
I don’t think whether or not the OP has children is relevant.
I have children and I guarantee that they survived quite nicely not attending weddings until they were invited by name. Children do not need to do everything that adults do. Just look around you and see the consequences of that type of thinking.
I watched a feature on the news the other day about dance clubs opening for toddlers. Not for dance lessons! A place where children could come, dance, have a beverage, and hang out just like an adult club-complete with DJ, million dollar decor and audio system.
Let’s just let children be children and allow their parents to have an occasional social outing without worrying about their or anyone else’s kids.
If you want children at your wedding, invite children to your wedding. But don’t get on a high horse and expect that everyone has to make the same decision. And don’t try to bully, threaten or intimidate someone else into allowing you to bring your children. If you truly can’t be separated from your children, decline the invitation.
Post # 12
My parents never left us with a babysitter, and insisted on taking us everywhere. I was an adult before I figured out that wasn’t normal.
There’s actually a huge rift between my dad and his sister because my cousin got married when I was 3 or 4 and was having a no kids wedding. My dad made a huge fuss about bringing me and my sister. My aunt then got mad that my parents refused to go.
I wish my dad had just learned to decline gracefully, and that my aunt had just said she’d miss my parents at the wedding. But, no, it’s not that freaking simple and they haven’t spoken in almost 30 years.
Post # 13
I’ve never met a parent that wasn’t psyched to leave the kids with a babysitter so they could have a night out. Wedding receptions, are expensive and usually booze-filled affairs, and not really appropriate for young children. I like to compare toddlers to puppies and kittens. They’re curious, don’t really know how to behave, get tired easily, and prone to destruction. The same reason I don’t think it’s appropriate to bring my dogs to someone’s wedding (or even include them in ours, even though they’re family), is exactly the same reason someone shouldn’t take offense if their child isn’t invited.
Post # 14
We’re having kiddo problems too. The only person in my family with a small child is my cousin, and though I love the baby I’m sure she’ll find a sitter (but we’ll see what crops up when invites go out!) I’m stressing on inviting a close friend who loves far away bc I know she’ll want to/have to bring her baby, and I really don’t want kids there, even though I love the baby. I dont know. It’s tough.
Post # 15
So glad to know I’m not totally awful for feeling like this. I would love to hear from someone who maybe has been offended for miffed that their child was not invited, whether this affected your decision to come or not, and why?
also, I do respect that some people will choose not to attend without their children, and I wouldn’t hold it against them, which is why I wanted this thread to help me understand this mindset.
Post # 16
We’re having kids at our wedding. But it’s fairly small, (50) and there are just too many friends/family who’ve had babies in the last year or two. Also, my hubby-to-be wouldn’t even *think* of the possibility of a kid free wedding. Immediately he was all, weddings are a family things and kids are in families. End of story!
I could have gone either way, but I know that most of the kids coming are pretty well bahaved. If I had a huge family/guest list where there would be 25+ kids all running around, I would have maybe worked a little harder for a kid free wedding. One of my co-workers had her wedding hijacked by kids when her mum decided that a hall would be too boring and so cancelled her venue behind her back, moved it to her house and rented a bouncy castle. ~_~