What is the etiquette for getting together with friends to celebrate a new job?

posted 2 months ago in Not Wedding Related
  • poll: Who should pay?

    I should pay since I invited them to celebrate with me

    Each friend should pay for her own drinks

    Other

  • Post # 16
    Member
    1072 posts
    Bumble bee

    I wouldn’t expect a friend to pay for me if we all went out to celebrate her new job. I’d probably buy her some drinks!

    Whatever “etiquette” says – friends like to get together to support friends. I certainly would much rather pay for my own food than not go out to celebrate a friend because the proper etiquette was for it to be hosted and that is out of price range.

    Post # 17
    Member
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    Congratulations!! I would expect to pay for myself, and possibly buy you a drink. If you wanted to buy an appetizer or one round of drinks that could also be nice (but would not be necessary for me). 

    Post # 18
    Member
    754 posts
    Busy bee

    I think it depends on your friend group. In my circle it’s always assumed that you pay for yourself. Literally no one has ever picked up the full tab. I hadn’t actually heard of that being common practice before this website.  

    Everyone also always arranges their own birthday/personal celebrations (or their partner does). It’s actually more common for invitees to split the guest of honour’s tab or buy them a drink. We would never get together if one person was expected to pay because no one can really afford to casually pick up $500+ bills.

     

    Post # 19
    Member
    319 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    Agree with many other pp. If I were your friend, I would not expect for you to pay for me. I would buy you a drink!

    If you can afford to buy a few appetizers for the table, I think that is a really nice gesture, but definitely not a must.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1381 posts
    Bumble bee

    In my group of friends it’s common for people to be like “its my bday! Come to xyz pub to celebrate with me” and invite a whole wack of people and I would never think they would pay my way. If anything I’d buy THEM a drink.

    So I think its fine for everyone to pay their way!

    People on here get so particular about “etiquette”

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by mrspuppylove.
    Post # 21
    Member
    3422 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I would never expect someone else to pay if we went out to a bar/restaurant. If I went over to their house I would expect they’d have drinks–but I’d bring my own, too. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    147 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2020

    View original reply
    @Daisy_Mae:  Oh my bad I didn’t realize that the OP set up the invite herself so since that’s the course then of course it would be incredibly rude to expect others to pay for her.  But WTF I completely disagree that anytime you invite friends/family out to eat you are expected to pay for them.  So if you can’t afford to pay for your friend you can’t invite them out that’s crazy to me.  All of my years of having friends it has never once occurred to me that if I text/call a platonic friend up and say, “hey you wanna hangout Friday night and go to dinner” that obligates me to pay for them. 

     

    Or vice versa if a friend texted/called me and asked if I wanted to get together for dinner on a certain night of the week or something it would never cross my mind in a million years that they were gonna pay for my meal.  In fact if they offered I would thank them politely for offering but insist on paying for myself unless it was my birthday or something and they offered but just a casual hangout yeah no. 

     

    None of my friends in all my years of going out with friends have ever acted off or stopped hanging out with me because I didn’t offer to pay.  All you have to say is when the waitress comes is say, “hey it’s gonna be two separate checks please” and that takes care of that.  No awkwardness or nothing. 

     

    If a friend acted put out or thought I was truly gonna pay for their dinner simply because I invited them to hangout and catch up as friends (not referring to a special occasion like a birthday where it’s specified that’s why I’m taking them out)I would find that so rude and presumptuous I would almost think they are using me and it would probably turn me off from inviting them to places that cost money like a restaurant again.  This has got to be a regional expectation.  

    Post # 23
    Member
    147 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2020

    View original reply
    @tinytimbo:  Yeah exacty that’s why I was like WTF to the idea of someone having to pay for everyone’s meals just because they invited their friends out.  Paying for 7 people could literally be someone’s whole paycheck depending on their job.  That’s just insane to me.

    Post # 24
    Member
    3151 posts
    Sugar bee

    Basically, do you wanna be a joyless etiquette drone who misses out on fun events because some manners book told you it’s not kosher and you’d rather sit alone at home feeling superior… or a normal human being who is down to celebrate life’s happy moments with loved ones, period? I know which one i am… 🤷‍♀️ 

    Post # 25
    Member
    1631 posts
    Bumble bee

    Totally depends on your social circle. The person who organises it would arrive first and probably order some appetisers and potentially a bottle or two of wine in my experience. The friends would likely buy their own and your drinks after that. I think asking your friends to celebrate is totally fine, some people purposely rope others into “hosting” on their behalf so they don’t have to host and I personally find that poor form too xo 

    Post # 26
    Member
    14093 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would attend the event assuming I would be paying for myself, and possibly chipping in to cover your tab. I understand the confusion here but I also think WB makes such a big deal of things like this that, in reality, will probably organically work themselves out. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    9440 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    My friends and I will do this for new jobs or big promotions and the person inviting always pays. We’re all prepared to pay if we had to, but that’s never been accepted.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by LilliV.
    Post # 28
    Member
    1003 posts
    Bumble bee

    “I’d love to take you guys out to celebrate my new job!” – you pay

    “Hey friends – let’s get together to catch up this week over dinner! Oh and great news I just got a new job, can’t wait to see you all!” – you split the bill

    Post # 29
    Member
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2022

    I would never expect someone to pay for me in this instance as your friend. I would go expecting to cover my tab & would buy you a drink. My friends group is really conscious of who can afford what and try not to make ppl u comfortable. I’m assuming your friends know you are currently out of work & just got this new job for which you haven’t been paid so my friends group would probs cover ur meal etc cuz that’s just how we r we recognize the ups & downs of a career and respond with generosity of spirit rather than “etiquette” LOL we love hanging out and would never be able to casually cover the entire bill if we all went out together. I also generally drink more than friends & would feel so awful making them pay for my drinks…go have fun!!!

    Post # 30
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I can’t actually believe what I am reading.

    I cannot believe anyone in this world would think this meant you are paying for the whole night – that appears something close to insanity! I really think do not worry…. you will be fine. Unless we are living in alternative universes there is no scenario I can imagine where you will end up footing the bill….. 

     

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