(Closed) What is the etiquette surrounding a bridal shower v. bachelorette party?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i’m a little confused by your post. you want the bridal shower at home in march and the bachelorette in mexico, right? what’s the potential rudeness? a bachelorette is just for a few close friends, not your mom and everyone else that would go to the shower.

Post # 4
Member
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

It is not rude to have both a bridal shower and bachelorette party.

Post # 6
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Are people not attending the wedding because they just can’t make the trip… or because you didn’t invite them?  It’s not appropriate to invite someone to a bridal shower if they are not invited to the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Would you want the same people at the bachelorette AND the shower? Those things always seemed to me to be completely independent from each other.  Isn’t it fine to extent the invite for the bachelorette to girlfriends who are not attending the wedding, even?

Post # 9
Member
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Moose1209: Good point, I just assumed everyone attending the bridal shower would be invited to the wedding but had declined because it is a destination wedding.

Post # 10
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@mrs.peters.to.be:  Are you supposed to have both? or one or the other?

Technically speaking, you’re not “supposed” to have anything, meaning, if someone is moved to throw you a shower or bachelorette, fine – but its not something you’re owed or should be initiating yourself. 

If, say, your Maid/Matron of Honor or a friend wanted to throw you a shower and someone else (or eventhe same person) also wanted to throw you a bachelorette, that’s fine – nothing rude there.  But it would be rude for you to ask for either one or direct them.

Also, if you’re having a Destination Wedding, please remember that it is considered extremely rude to invite anyone to a wedding related event that isn’t invited to the wedding. 

Post # 11
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

@mrs.peters.to.be:  As long as they are all invited to the wedding then you should definitely go ahead and have a shower at home.  Your family would probably love to have the opportunity to celebrate with you.  I just wouldn’t push too hard.  You can mention to your mother or you Maid/Matron of Honor that would you like a shower, but leave it at that.  The bride shouldn’t plan her own shower and if no one takes the reins then unfortunately you can’t make it happen.  But absolutely don’t feel bad about having both a shower and a bachelorette party. Most brides do!

Post # 12
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think most people do both. My Maid/Matron of Honor and mom threw my bridal shower about 3 months prior for just family and BMs. My Maid/Matron of Honor (with a little help from BMs) also planned a weekend bachelorette at my house 1 mo prior. 

Post # 13
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have both a bachlorette and a bridal shower, so I definitely don’t think it’s rude to do both.  Bridal showers are usually for the women invited to the wedding, and bachlorettes are a few close friends and a night out doing whatever you want. Very different events and very different atmospheres.  If you get any gifts at the bachlorette, they’ll most likely be funnier gifts like lingerie and silly stuff.  Gifts at a bridal shower are things to start your life together (a lot of people have registries for this).

Post # 15
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Showers are given by friends, coworkers, and family members.  Sometimes (I would even say typically) there is more than one shower (different sides of the family, coworkers, friends, etc.)  There may be some games, gifts are typically given from your registry, small snack foods, etc.

The bachelorette party is one big party and it’s more for the party-people (typically older people, your parent’s friends, neighbors, etc. aren’t invited to the bachelorette party) – at least the ones I’ve been to.  The bachelorette party is dirty/naughty games, drinking, going to the bars, etc.  I typically give lingerie as a gift or some sort of sexual gift.

Obviously each one is different … maybe aunt Alice at 55 years old likes to party and wouldn’t dare miss the bachelorette party … or maybe some people don’t drink so their bachelorette party wouldn’t necessarily be the partying. 

The above is just my personal experience … and at 40 years old, I’ve been to a lot of both.

Post # 16
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

@mrs.peters.to.be: Older etiquette says mom isn’t supposed to throw the shower but I think this is becoming more and more accepted.  I think the old thought stemmed from the fact that you aren’t supposed to throw yourself one (appears gift-grabby) and the mom relationship is just too close to self.

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