(Closed) What is the hardest thing you've had to overcome in your relationship?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
3669 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@evropawed:  The hardest would be the church, weird right?

We were really young, we reached a year and had sex, felt guilty, Darling Husband was a childrens leader and blamed me for what happened. Darling Husband was attacked with questions about how many people ‘I’ slept with or if ‘I’ had any sexual disease or how did he let ‘me’ convince him to have sex. Riiight I pressured him Undecided

All of DHs friends were church related and when he chose to stick up for me they turned their backs on him. That was really hard because we were so young and in love but facing adult problems. No teenagers that come in to repent should be given the cold shoulder and made to walk around as if they are wearing a scarlet letter….Dh got really frusterated and kind of went into depression and rumors at school started saying I was pregnant…We had sex maybe 4 times in high school and each time we felt guilty. 

However after all of our years together I am glad that our biggest problem was back in high school. College and Military has so far been a piece of cake! 

Post # 33
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We have dealt with a fair amount of stressors over teh course of our relationship thus far. When we first were dating, I was still legally married (I spent more time getting divorced than I was married. I know lots of people will think negatively of me, but it’s a long story and I am okay with my choice). My ex was a very bad person – sent me threatening emails, physically assaulted me, etc. So I would have these awful nightmares. 

Then my partner’s brother moved in right around when I moved in. The brother is older, smart, and said he was “between jobs”. He lived with us for 8-10 months. It was hell. It sucks b/c I like the brother, but dude, you’re almost 40 and can’t walk 5 feet to the sink to put your dishes there. He rarely bought groceries and I was a grad student teaching so I wasn’t quite rolling in the dough. I had to clean up after him. Then when my partner would be sleeping, brother would play video games very loud and yell. I started to look into moving out. I knew it was bad when my partner was thinking about it. So we had to have him move back in with the parents.

My partner owns anotehr house (we rent it). That tenant around this time was a deadbeat. He owed over $2000. I wrote letters and evicted him. That was stressful. We had to re-paint and fix things up. Then my partner decided to have a company deal with renting, and that took almot a year. 

Throughout all of this I had some health issues. It was so bad that my husband had to occasionally give me IVs at home (he’s a nurse – BSN/RN – and my doctor was aware. It kept me from the ER many nights). I dealt with a lupus flare and c.diff while presenting at a national conference (when I get overwhelmed, I think of that and go, okay i can do this!)

Then we called off our wedding. then we called off our relationship. I moved out for several months. We both were depressed. I had a cancer scare. We were still hanging out, and then dating. Then I moved back in and now we’re married.

My Uncle was found dead this summer, so we had to deal with that and my crazy family. There was a lot of drama and honestly, police involved. Anyway I know I left out, but I think while all of this was stressful in many ways it taught us a lot about each other. we grew in immense ways

Post # 34
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@evropawed:  I don’t know how to put it. His lack of action, I guess. His indecision.

For example, I was all about him from the first day we met. He was thinking more of a FWB type situation. Since we were obviously not on the same page we decided to just be friends. Then we got involved anyway (cause we could not stay away from each other). Then he got jealous. And I said “What? You didn’t want a relationship?!” This went on for a month, this weird non-relationship relationship. I mean we were totally dating…texting almost every day, dinners, movies, all night chatting on my bed til 6am and him telling me he did not want a relationship. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and said “Look, either be my bf or go away!” And he said I should find somebody else.

So I did. I found somebody else (a guy I would never be serious about because I was still holding onto hope) and he FREAKED out. He was almost crying! I said “Do you want me to leave him and be with you?” He said “No, it’s better this way.” Then proceeded to text me every day, ask questions about me and the new guy (that he really didn’t want to know the answers to) and act like a jealous jerk. After a month of that B.S. I broke up with new guy, drove straight to FI’s apt. and told him point blank, it’s now or never. And he FINALLY said he wanted to try a relationship. All that mess just to be bf/gf!!!

It wasn’t until he realized that I wasn’t going to wait around for him to make his decision, that I’m perfectly capable of finding someone else, only then would he do something! Everything is this way with him. He doesn’t know what the right decision is, so he opts to make no decision. So that has been (and will continue to be) the hardest thing for me to get over.

Post # 35
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Having only like $40 a week, job issues, depression, family rudeness.

Post # 36
Member
2093 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@evropawed:  His ex wife and changing how intrusive she can be, in the name of their son AND his family, being intrusive, in the name of family and “love”.

 

So basically…boundaries.

We are currently working on both. Daily.

Post # 37
Member
2093 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@AnaA:  I just wanted to reach out to you and say that I totally get all of your post. I just got laid off and haven’t had stable employment for 2 years, but not because I haven’t wanted it. I’ve gotten jobs…I just keep getting laid off or was forced to quit 1 because I was literally being mistreated and harrassed.

We are trying to figure out how to do grocery shopping, gas, fun and Thanksgiving on $300 until 12/1. And I’m not sure when unemployment will kick in…it could take up for 4 weeks.

PM any time.

Post # 38
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yes, cheating. I cheated on him with one of my best friends, very early in the relationship. and five years later we are getting married next saturday!

It does happen, thankfully he forgave me, and the other man completly regrets it (as do i), and they are now very good friends! so it all worked out very well.

The issue still raises its head occasionally in conversation, but we got through it with lots of communication (on all three parties part), and lots of time.

Post # 39
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

We both lost our jobs within a week… He got laid off and my boss gave my job to his daughter. That was very tough for us financially…

We’re still dealing with the hardest thing yet though. His grandpa died and 3 days later while we were at the burial site his brother got a phone call saying his 3 month old daughter had died suddenly. This was less than 2 weeks ago… It’s been a harder thing than I ever imagined we’d have to go through but we’re managing.

Post # 40
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

wow, where should I start? When I fist met Fiance, my grandfather had just died, my aunt was diagnosed with cancer and I was embarking upon my year of University. Throughout that year, my step-father abandoned us (literally, just left one day and had not been paying the mortgage for 6 months unbeknown to my mother) so we got a notice to say the house was being reposessed in 2 weeks. I was living between my nans and dads houses, my step-mother had a major heart attack and was revived 7 times. I think that’s all as far as personal stuff goes. 

 

As for our relationship, Fiance used to be very…..”friendly”?, that was hard for me to come to terms with anyway. Over the last 4 years we have had plenty of rumors to contend with, which werent helped any by my trust issues caused my step-father leaving. A lot of hard work from both of us, TONNES of understanding from him (I can’t imagine what it would be like to be accused of cheating when I wasn’t). A lot of communication and gradual understanding. The last (and probably most difficult) rumor came about a year ago….it took a good 6 months for us to get back to 100% normal…I mean, I never really believed that anything had happened, I was just exhausted of all the drama and was seriously questioning whether or not that’s what I really wanted to deal with. Since then, I learnt that if I’m not happy with something I need to say so, instead of pretending to be ok and then everyhting boiling over and getting out of control. I would say the key to any relationship (as cliche as it sounds) is communication. And I have only just learnt HOW important that is over the last 12 months. Since then, we’ve had a great relationship and even though we bicker because I’m very vocal about my wants and needs now…but it’s better than having huge arguments that cause us to say horrible things that we only say because we know they will hurt one another. 

 

So there it is, my novel….sorry its so long! I just have a lot to say! lol

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