(Closed) what is the ideal gap between kids?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
  • poll: I think the Ideal age gap between kids is
    2 years : (43 votes)
    36 %
    3 years : (53 votes)
    44 %
    4 years : (6 votes)
    5 %
    more than 4 years : (5 votes)
    4 %
    LESS than 2 years : (13 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    1120 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    We’re aiming for a less than two years gap. Darling Husband and his sister are exactly one year apart and I love to see the bond between them. Being an only child, I don’t quite understand siblings relationships, but I like what I see with them. One year apart is just a bit too close for me though.

    For my work / mat leaves / our financial situation, the ideal for us would be to have them about 16 to 18 months apart. So, we’re hoping we’re lucky enough to get pregnant when our first is about 7 months, that would work better for us.

    I think that as long as daddy is involved as he should be, there should be no problem.

    Post # 4
    1553 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Mine are exactly 2.5 years apart.  For us, that was perfect.  When my daughter was born, we were still in baby mode, but my son was old enough that he could actually be helpful (“please hand mommy a wipe.”).  

    By the time my daughter was born, my son was really a little person.  At 2 1/2, he was potty trained, talking at least well enough to be understood, and could follow basic directions.  He called his sister “my baby” and actually helped a lot with her.

    They are now two years apart in school and have tons of friends in common and are very close.  They talk back and forth about their teachers, are in band together, and vet each other’s dates.  I wouldn’t change a thing.

    Post # 5
    7777 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I want the first one potty-trained before we have another one. 2 in diapers would be too much to handle for me.

    Post # 6
    3977 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I think it depends on the personality of the kids honestly.

    If your first has a very strong personality–loud, sharp, opinionated, talkative–I think leaving more room between is a good idea so the younger one doesn’t feel as overwhelmed or competitive.

    Quieter personalities sometimes function well close together.

    I really don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule since there are so many variables when it comes to having siblings who get along and flourish independently.

    Post # 7
    3942 posts
    Honey bee

    I think 2-3 years is good.

    My sister and I are 2.5 years apart, and her and my brother are 3.5 years apart. We were all very close growing up. We all played together, and my sister and I have quite a few friends in common. My brother and I are 6 years apart, but we treated him like “our baby” growing up-pushing him in our doll carriages and torturing him like older sisters do 🙂

    Post # 8
    13096 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think 2 to 2.5 years is a good gap.

    This is largely because my sister and I are 2.5 years apart and got along great and she and my brother are also 2.5 years apart and they got along great.  But the 5 year age gap between my brother and I led to a lot of fighting growing up (we *usually* get along now).

    Post # 9
    1263 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I hope to have mine around 2 years apart.  I am due with #1 right before I turn 32.  Hoping to have #2 before I turn 34 and then #3 right before 36.  Hard to plan these things perfectly, but that’s what I’m hoping for : ) 

    Post # 10
    234 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    i was wondering that too…my sister and i are 10.5 years apart and had a GREAT relationship growing up and still do now! Meanwhile, her kids ar 3 years apart and fight like cats and dogs. But they are such different personalities that it only makes sense that they wouldnt get along….just makes me think that i dont think there is an ideal, it all depends on the kids personalities, and frankly, there’s only so much you can do ab that 🙂

    Post # 11
    2201 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @zippylef: Ditto. We want the first one potty trained before we have the second one. I think it will help reduce a lot of the stress if you only need to worry about changing the diaper of one child.

    Post # 12
    2025 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @zippylef: I think that’s ideal. I can’t imagine changing 2 kids’ diapers at the same time. I also like the idea of the oldest child being old enough to help out and feel like they are needed. I don’t think I would want to go much more than 3 years, though. It seems like kids stay close when they are closer in age. 

    Post # 13
    1263 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    @zippy/bree/goldi – I think 2.5-3 years is more ideal…but w/ my age we are going to try to push it to more like 2 years apart.  My sister had 2 in diapers and it was crazy. 

    Post # 14
    2522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I would prefer 24-30 months between births.

    Post # 15
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    My sister and I are one year apart and we are so close. I don’t ever remember not having her in my life because we were so young and back to back. I was potty trained very early, but my Mom said that even though it seemed crazy to some people that for my parents it worked out quite well. She made good points about having them close together…hand me downs are always right in the house, financially it was easy for her to stay out of work the one extra year for a total of 6 years then for us to have been three years apart and her being a stay at home mom for 8 years, we were always in the same schools which made after school activities easy for everyone to attend, we also were able to share a car when it was time, and we had a lot of the same friends. 

    Darling Husband has a son from his first marriage who is about to turn 4, we are trying to have another and when we talk about having a baby at times he already expresses jealous statements even though the child is hypothetical. I think that this may be too far apart because he will fully understand that his time is being taken away. Obviously, we need to set time aside for him but I think it will be more of a struggle. 

    Post # 16
    6009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I think that it’s really what works best for the parents/family as a whole.  Some kids are more demanding, and it would be really difficult for the parents to have a newborn at the same time.  Other kids are really easy going, and the parents have no issues introducing a newborn when the first is still really young.

    I also think potty training can be more difficult/less convenient than having two in diapers.  Especially when your child, who just peed 10 minutes ago when you left the house, frantically signs “potty” in her car seat but you can’t see her signing because her car seat is still rear-facing, and she can’t say potty yet so she pees all over herself, the car, etc… on your way to a birthday party you’re already late for on the first day you decide you’re doing well enough with potty training to skip the training pants altogether.  Sigh.  Sometimes diapers are more convenient.

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