Post # 1
I’m a long time lurker but had to put this question to the hive to help out a friend. So I have a friend whose boyfriend often goes long periods of time without talking to her after a fight. This latest spell lasted 11 days and they’re living together! This seems crazy to me and a serious sign of a bigger issue. For me, I think the longest I’ve gone not talking to Darling Husband was maybe the night and then we talked it out in the morning. So ladies, let me know how long have you gone?
Post # 3
11 days is insane! I don’t want to judge without knowing them but that seems very unhealthy – like needs-to-go-see-a-therapist unhealthy.
For us it’s an hour at the most. I can’t stand us not talking so even if we’re still mad we’ll make small talk.
Post # 4
Oh, wow! 11 days when you live together seems really terrible. The longest we’ve gone is 2 days but it’s not for lack of trying.. he accidentally washed his phone. Oops. BAD TIMING but we would never go 11 days!!! When we were house sitting together once we got in a fight and didn’t talk for a few hours but I couldn’t handle days of it.. that seems bordering on emotional abuse.
Post # 5
11 DAYS!?!?! How is that even possible?
If Fiance and I get into a spat I’ll usually walk off and let it process with him. I’m an extrovert who needs to talk it out NOW, he’s an introvert who takes awhile to proccess before he makes statements, decisions, etc. So there’s a bit of push and pull. But we are both very sensitive people.
I have learned to walk away, stop pushing so much and let him think. He has learned to come talk to me when he feels he can. It’s never over an hour.
Post # 6
11 days?! That is definitely a problem. When Fiance and I first started dating, our communications breakdowns could last a day or two. But we also weren’t living together. We decided to seek counseling to help us better understand each other. Now, we’re over it in an hour or so.
@Mrs.tobe: My Fiance and I are the opposite of you and yours 🙂 I’m the intro, he’s the extro. And I’m so much a processor, it was funny to read my ‘type’ in your post.
Post # 7
@pink.sequins: Funny how that happens right?
Post # 8
Oh wow! I answered before reading your post.. >.> bad me! but after reading it.. wow 11days! the other girls are right IMO I think this guy needs some professional counseling. Holding on to a grudge that long is not healthy.
I usually am propelled within an hour to work it out, but I do have to say (as well as what I answered) I did get into a fight at night with him and didn’t answer any of his phone calls or texts till late afternoon the next day, so I chose one day.
I am in a different situation though, my relationship is LDR, but texting and phone calls our practically our whole relationship 🙂
I feel bad for your friend having to live with him and him not speaking one word to her, I can only imagine how devestating and painful that is for her 🙁
@Mrs.tobe: Wow, Ive never heard it put that way. I don’t mean to sound stupid but is that something you learned in a book? like a tutorial or.. >.< It’s just it sounds very much like me and my SO, he likes to walk away and I need to discuss it.
Post # 9
Honestly, like an hour. Our communication styles if we get into an argument are way different- I like to leave the room and just cool off for awhile and come back to talk when we have both calmed down. HE likes to hash out the issue right away, and he will literally follow me into the other room until I start talking, which drives me insane. We really can’t stay mad at each other for longer than an hour, though. And we’ve really only gotten into one “big” argument in over 5 1/2 years together (and the thing we were fighting about was so silly).
I can’t even imagine not talking to him for a whole day after a fight.. but that’s just me!
(P.S.- we live together)
Post # 10
I can’t imagine not speaking to Darling Husband for days after a fight. When we fight, I tend to be the one to give him “the silent treatment” but at the most, it lasts like two or three hours, and even then I’m not NOT speaking to him at all, just not really engaging. I know, it’s childish–I need to stop it 🙂
Post # 11
After reading all the ‘never more than an hour’, I’m ashamed to put mine in. Let’s just say it’s in multiples of ‘an hour’ 🙁
Post # 12
For us it is generally a couple hours if it was pretty bad. however one time it was absolutely terrible… I hurt him pretty bad and he wouldn’t even talk to me until the next day… then he was just cold and quiet for the next few days but he talked to me. I cannot stand him being mad at me so I would die if he didn’t talk to me for that long (being angry).
Post # 13
We’ve never gone more than an hour. I cannot imagine going eleven hours, much less eleven days. I do think that sounds excessive!
Post # 14
Well…we were long distance for a year. There was a time where we went 3 days without talking… and it was the most awful time I have ever been through. To this day.
If we had gone 11 days…I doubt we’d still be together. That’s just…not healthy.
Post # 15
@Blondee: We are the same way! Which is good, because I’m one of those people that could argue for like 30 seconds, get out what I need to say, walk off and never speak of it again. Which doesn’t resolve anything.
We never don’t talk to each other after a fight.
Post # 16
@Mrs.tobe: This is exactly like FH and me.
I want to talk things out ASAP, and he wants to leave for hours and then not talk about it until the next day or something. We have come to an understanding that if one of us needs to walk away to cool down or something, the other person cannot follow, given that the person walking away comes back after getting composed. Now, it’s always within an hour that we come together and talk about whatever the issue was. Also, I’m now more willing to walk away for a few minutes to think about how I truly feel before really discussing certain things.