(Closed) What is the proper "registry" etiquette?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7982 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think anyone is going to notice (or care) if you add additional things. I had to adjust mine a bunch of times since things kept getting discontinued.

Post # 4
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

There’s no rule that says you can’t look at your registry. Just add it if you want it.

Post # 6
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

There’s nothing that says you can’t look at or add to your registry, it’s actually recommended. Add things for more variety/options and see what people have gotten so far!

Post # 7
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@GamersBride:  Yeah I checked my regsitry. And unashamedly, just because I was excited to see what people got us. We were setting up our home new and it was exciting to picture what I would be using in the kitchen, etc. 

Post # 8
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Go ahead and add it. No one is going to notice if you add or delete. Plus, so many people shop last minute, so adding things might actually help them!

Also, if people aren’t able to make it to the shower but come to the wedding, there will be something “left” on the registry once the wedding rolls around.

Post # 9
8751 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Traditionally, registries operated under the premise ( a little sketchy even then) that it was a list kept strictly for the convenience of the bride in order for her to keep track of her silver,crystal and china patterns that she herself bought or that were given by immediate family over the years ( anniversaries etc.)   So I guess you can extrapolate to say that since your list is supposedly meant for your own convenience, you can always look at it or add and subtract. 

Of course, clever guests long ago learned to bypass the  couple, who would never ask for a gift or direct a guest to their  own registry.  The modern version of the bridal registry is frowned on by traditionalists  but that’s another story.

Post # 10
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve actually heard you’re supposed to look at your registry and “replenish” it if everything of a certain price point is sold! 

Post # 11
1689 posts
Bumble bee

@GamersBride:  Alright, you did ask, so if this comes out sounding as though I am from another planet it is not my fault. Though in that case you have my sympathy: I spend a lot of time feeling as though I am on another planet.

The proper thing to do, is to set up a gracious household with all the beautiful heirloom-quality accoutrements needed to entertain friends and family to dinners, teas, and homestays over the coming sixty-odd years of marriage that lie before you. Of course, you would properly have started this in your teens or even pre-teens, when you chose your china, silver and crystal patterns, since heirloom-quality tablewares take years to collect and you want to have enough to sit down at least a small dinner-party (to whit, six table-settings for three courses) by the time you have your own home. Reputable department-stores help you keep track of your patterns an what pieces you have collected, and let you know when your pattern goes on sale or — sadly — gets discontinued and you have only fourteen months to complete your collection.

Once you are married you need to anticipate future christenings, thanksgivings, bar and bat mitzvahs, Christmas Dinners and so on, and you will need more than six place-settings, plus also damask table-linens and serving pieces and good egyptian-cotton bedlinens. You’ll have to continue collecting for a while, so it is a good time to plan your future style, and decide whether you want to put a thousand dollars a year aside to eventually acquire that sterling silver tea-service in only twenty-five or thirty years.Your registry reflects your plans; and as long as you do not tell anyone about it no-one else has any business commenting on what you choose to put on it. To do so would reveal that they have been snooping into your private affairs (which of course we are love to do, but discreetly with the help of the department-store china salesclerk.) So go ahead: put what you like on it, add things, remove things, put twenty-five-thousand-dollar tea services on it, whatever you like, it matters not at all how many guests you have or whether you feel entitled to gifts from them or not.

But no need to register for laundrey-hampers: everyone needs those and they are relatively cheap. Responsible adults just go out and buy such a thing if they need it. It is not the kind of thing you plan to collect over the years! Of course, setting up housekeeping involves many such small expenses on generic consumables, and the small expenses build up — but that is what showers are for. Since presents are de rigueur at a shower and the presents are opened in public, and since a gracious lady would quail at the thought of “showing up” the other guests by giving an ostentatious gift, shower gifts are supposed to be relatively low-cost and showcase the giver’s personal good taste and cleverness rather the depth of her pocketbook, a proper shower guest will give something inexpensive and clever that doesn’t have to match anything — like a laundry hamper. Registering for such things removes the scope for cleverness and ruins the fun of a shower.

Which is largely what weddingmaven  said, but much wordier.

Post # 12
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@GamersBride:  I would just add it. I don’t think anyone will care. 

Post # 13
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I checked it everyday and kept modifying it! What’s wrong with it?

Post # 14
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We were told to keep checking our registry in case certain items get discontinued as the store won’t automatically be deleting them from our registry…

Post # 15
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@GamersBride:  I would go ahead and add it. I added a couple things to our registry after the invites went out.

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