(Closed) What is the reasoning behind 'stopping' sex before marriage?

posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

We actually talked about doing this a couple of months before the wedding just to make it that much more ‘special’ on the wedding night. We haven’t decided for sure yet, but it’s an option. Nothing really religious behind it for us, although we are Catholic. 

Post # 4
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’d like to know that too! Personally I find it really strange if they have already had sex before.. It’s just weird! Idk it’s my own opinion but the deed is done. I can understand about wanting to make the night more special though..my fiance and I tried to wait but we couldn’t lol.Innocent

Post # 5
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Trying to make it more special – truth it’s it isn’t really ever going to be more special then the first time :/ we tried it all it did was make Dh grumpy 

Post # 6
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, I considered it for a second to make the wedding night more special, but then figured no amount of specialness could make up for a few months without sex – we love it too much!

So we’ve compromised – we get to blow raspberries on each others’ stomachs (no that’s not a euphemism). We have a game where we try and do it to each other (we both hate having it done to us/love doing it to the other person), so on the wedding night, we each get a free shot.

Post # 7
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Because it’s that much more freaking amazing after you’ve gone without for a few weeks. The tension is already there because it’s the wedding, and when you stop for a few weeks before, it just adds to the suspense. I highly recommend it!

Post # 8
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Our reason isn’t to make the night more special but to make our lives more special.

We are going to abstain for religious beliefs.

I’ve been on again off again christian my whole life and this past year my Fiance and I have been working on building our faith. When we first met our faith was on the back burner but we have decided to put it before everything else.

So we will be getting baptized soon and with that we will be “born again” spiritually and will no longer be sexual until we are actually married as in our faith it is a sin to have pre marital sex.

Just because we have made mistakes before does not mean that we can not change this, that is what Jesus was sent here for and that is why we are being baptized.

Post # 9
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

For us, it was for our beliefs. Shortly into our relationship we got more involved in our church etc, and the guilt kicked in (more for my fiancee than for me, truthfully – as I am also of the mind set that it already happened, stopping now is not going to change that) but he felt very strongly about it so we have been waiting 🙂

 

Post # 10
Member
5400 posts
Bee Keeper

From a Christian perspective, although a person has sinned, they can ask for forgiveness. The idea is that although you have made a mistake, you have the power to do the “right” thing going forward. I believe the intention in our hearts is very important, and people develop their faith at different speeds so someone may decide that although they cannot undo their past, they can control how they go forward. 

Alternately, some people just value the anticipation. 

Post # 11
Member
2464 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Well, since this is on the Christian board-

From a Christian perspective, we believe that premarital sex is a sin. And of course it isn’t unforgivable- it’s not necessarily worse than another sin.

To draw a parallel, we also believe lying is a sin. And if you lie, of course God will forgive you. But we aren’t supposed to keep lying. We are supposed to do all we can not to lie anymore.

So if we make mistakes and have sex before we get married, it’s not like we ‘blew it forever.’ God still forgives us and asks us not to commit the same sin again.

So I completely understand a couple who has had sex before attempting not to have sex again until after marriage.

I am a little confused myself, though, by Christian couples who seem to have no problems having sex before the engagement, and then only deciding to be abstinent because of the engagement.

Post # 13
Member
2464 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@alaska_99705:  It would make a lot of sense to me if they made the decision sometime before or after the engagement because of spiritual convictions, but I just don’t understand doing it *because* of the engagement.

Post # 14
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@rachelmichelle:  We have been engaged 8 months (as of tomorrow) and just decided to do this because we just decided to get baptized and we just in the last couple of months have started going to church reading the bible etc.

But perhaps if it is a religious thing waiting when they get engaged because they got engaged, perhaps the person was afraid if they abstained it would ruin the relationship and once they got the ring they knew for sure the other person loved them. Or maybe they figure it will give them something to look forward to. I don’t know. I know I was afraid to talk to my Fiance about going the abstinence route for a long time until eventually the guilt over powered my fear and I just came clean with him

Post # 15
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OMG I didn’t realize this was on the Christian board!!! My answer isn’t very Christian, oops.

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