(Closed) what is the right thing to do? Bridesmaid mess

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can’t speak for everyone, but I’d feel honoured to be chosen, even as a replacement. And the wedding’s still 10 months away so it’s not like it’s last minute. So I say ask, and make no secret of the fact that she’s a replacement.

BTW you say you “need” to choose a new BM, but that’s not quite correct. You could have gone for uneven numbers, but instead you want her there.

For your ex-friends: If you think the flowers would upset them on the day, I think a better route would be a card or flowers – not anonymously – after the wedding.

Post # 4
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@futuremrscallen:  If the argument was so bad that there is no way your friendship will survive it, I definitely wouldn’t send flowers. If you want to send something, send an anonymous card with well wishes and mail it the day of so that it won’t cause drama on the day.

As for the girl that you want to ask to fill the slot, I’d spin it like you had always wanted her as a BM but didn’t want to have too many attendents. You and the other girl were going to be in each other’s weddings, but now that she’s stepped down, you’re super happy to be able to offer the new BM a spot. I actually have a girl who knows she’s my backup BM in case the one moving to Texas can’t make it.

Post # 5
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@futuremrscallen:  My sister is preggers and won’t make it to my wedding so I “replaced” her with a good friend. I just sat her down, explained the situation and told her how excited I was that I could now invite her to be a BM. She was tickled.


A line like this may help:


“While I lost a good friend, I am focusing on the silver lining in all of this. I get a chance to ask a true friend to stand with me on my wedding day. I was wondering if you would do me the honor of being a BM.”

ETA: Typo

Post # 7
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@paula1248:  +1

I would also feel honored to be asked! Maybe don’t even point out she is ” Filling In” maybe a cute way would be saying something like.

” I’m doing all this planning.

 Cakes and flowers and dresses…

 and thats when I noticed something

 something was missing…


Would you be my bridesmaid? “


I dunno maybe thats dumb….



You dont HAVE to replace her either.. but I was in your shoes…

well actally my BM Just didn’t show up to my Bridal Shower and blocked me on facebook ( still to this day have no clue what the hell I did… )and I asked my cousin to fill in.



The topic ‘what is the right thing to do? Bridesmaid mess’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors