(Closed) What is the right thing to do?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Honestly, I wouldn’t invite them. I wouldn’t want people like that at my wedding if they did happen to say they would go. Clearly C can be pushed around by B and B seems like he feels the need to be better than everyone else so he tries to become the Alpha Male. Ugh. This just irritates me reading this because I’ve known people like this. I feel so sorry you’ve had to have gone through such a messy friendship breakup.

Post # 5
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry that this happened.

It seems like you can try your best to repair the relationship, but B doesn’t seem like the type to let it just go. If you want your Fiance to have a relationship with B, maybe you should let them hang out alone for a while and slowly start coming back into the picture.

I don’t understand why C&N no longer speak to you guys. If they have picked sides, I’d rather they not be my friends.

Post # 6
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Wow.  That really sucks.  B sounds like a HUGE control freak – can’t do anything you guys plan?  What the heck? 

I say send an invitation.  What’s the worst that could happen – B & J show up and create a scene?  Have a couple guys keep an eye out at the wedding in case B shows up and decides to make a scene.

Post # 7
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

I think what they did to you was very rude and unacceptable. They would have to do some serious apologizing to be friends again if I were you. He sounds controlling just because he has alot of money and has always got to do whatever hes wanted. I wouldn’t continue to be friends with them. Maybe reach out to j and talk to her if you guys were really close but with b in the picture yalls relationship will never work out if she listens to him. I would just do the mature thing and invite them so you guys don’t seem just as dramatic and immature. More than likely they won’t show up anyway. 

Post # 8
Member
9719 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, your FI’s best friend sounds like a complete jerk and I wouldn’t want him there.  He doesn’t even treat his own wife very nicely, and he treated you and your Fiance very rudely.  I think you both are way better off having these people out of your life, so NO, I do not think you should invite them to your wedding.  They aren’t going to change and suddenly turn into nice people.

Post # 9
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Just to add, you aren’t the reason your Fiance lost these friends, as you said: It was a huge mess and it hurt me so much and I was so upset for Fiance becasue he lost two friends because of me. The friendship loss is because of their actions, not yours. (Meaning B and C’s actions.)

Post # 11
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My Darling Husband had a friend exactly like this.  He was his best friend and was EXACTLY like the guy you are talking about.  Everything on his terms, he had to be calling the shots, when my Darling Husband started making more money then him he would pick on him because he was insecure.  He made his wife stay home with the kids… she was meant to be seen not heard just like you are saying.  We were at a birthday party for a mutual friend and he hit on me saying we could sleep together and  no one had to know… this was supposed to be my DH’s BEST FRIEND.  He had cheated on his wife and she had forgiven him, he was disgusting.  We cut them out of our lives.  We lost a large group of friends when this happened, or I should say my Darling Husband did… they were inherited friends to me and I didn’t really care.  This all happened 3 months before our wedding it was a nightmare.  I know my Darling Husband is still hurt by it but then he realized that guy was not a real friend and I think he is okay with it now.  It’s just hard to swallow that someone that was your friend for so long could be so shitty.

Anywho back to you, they sound like crap friends and I wouldn’t invite them.

Post # 14
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@ShutterbugCait:  You know, I’ve changed my stance after thinking about this. I really don’t think either you or Fiance should work to rekindle that relationship. 

For B to tell your Fiance what everyone’s supposedly saying behind both your backs shows the respect that B feels your Fiance deserves. That really pisses me off. 

Further, it sounds like B is completely insecure. I think while he doesn’t mention money, he does use it in a way to show that he’s “more successful”. And c’mon, who BRAGS about how much money the spend at a restaurant? That’s just a really expensive turd, if you ask me. His need to control, this situation with you… it just all leads me to believe that he really masks his insecurity with all these material things to make sure everyone likes and respects him.

 

Post # 15
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@ShutterbugCait:  

I just have guilt because this fight wouldn’t have happened if I weren’t a part of FI’s life

You may have been the reason his vile behavior surfaced, but it is – BY NO MEANS – your fault – nor should you feel guilt over it!!!  B is an ass and I’m sorry it took 20 years for your Fiance to find out what he’s really made of.  It sounds like Fiance may have put up with his friend’s bad behavior and it seem to me that B is controlling J.

I’m sorry you are going through all of this.

I’m assuming your Fiance is find with not inviting B – is that true?  If so, there is NO reason to invite them.  

Post # 16
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry you went through all of this. 

You can send them an invitation, but I wouldn’t expect a response. After all, they didn’t rsvp when you were all friends, so why would they now?

If you want to waste a perfectly good invitation on them, send one, but with friends like that, who needs enemies?

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