Post # 1
Hi ladies! I am just curious on what some of us have had to overcome in our relationships to be where we are today? What is the worse thing that you or your fI/dh has done to damage your relationship and how did you make it through? How do you feel about it today? Does it still affect you?
I will start!
Post # 3
@Missloveknot: When our home was nearly destroyed. It caused so much stress and fighting, because I felt like I had to initiate a lot of the effort to fight insurance companies, etc. It was a stressful time, because it seemed that if I forgot something, FH wouldn’t remember it. Although he was supportive and definitely tried to help, it felt more like I was the team lead rather than equal partners in this, and that left me scared and feeling alone.
We fought a lot, and I think that fighting changed things for us. I felt more insecure, was worried that I wasn’t good enough for him because I was a mean person and he deserved better.
FH holds no grudges, but I miss the innocence of the time before that all happened. It lifted a huge curtain for me, and made me aware that I have to be cautious of how I react, because I have the potential to be mean, even though I don’t want to be. It was an eye-opening experience.
The good part is that I realized that we could make it through anything intact, and that FH will always love me, no matter what my flaws.
Post # 4
After dating about 2 years my now fI met two girls when he was out to lunch at a restaurant and met up with them after work at a bar! I caught him because he accidently answered his phone and I heard them talking and could tell he was out. He lied to me but I checked cell phone records, got the girls number and called her. She said they both had boyfriends but were out for lunch and my Fiance was sitting by himself at the restaurant bar, they sent him a shot, then they started talking and decided to hang out after. She said there was no flirting but he didn’t say he had a girlfriend,be didn’t say he was single either…..
I was so pissed, he said he was flattered by the attention a it felt good so he went out to have a little harmless fun…blah blah
It still bothers me today, 3 years later, it was very hard for me to work through it but we did.I am in a much better place but still think about it often. I do trust him not to cheat, but don’t trust him not to flirt. But harmless flirting doesn’t bother me that much anyway.
Post # 5
@zagora: Oh wow, what a horrible thing to go through! I feel like anyone would have a hard time with that. I could see how it could be an eye opener and even bring you closer. I hope you never go through anything a devastating as that again! Thanks for sharing!
Post # 6
My Fiance almost dumped me a few months into our relationship because I was “boring”. He had just got out of a 6 year relationship/1 year marriage and wanted to party like he was 19. I had got out of a relationship with a guy who partied too much and wanted someone normal and stable.
Anyways, I tried to fix things by making sure we did something every weekend and EVERY WEEK for a month or so he would start an arguement about how BORING we were.
Finally, after a bit, I told him he could leave me, do something about it or suck it up. We got in a MASSIVE fight that ended with both of us in the basement fighting where we *thought* our roomates wouldn’t hear us. It turned out that he was actually anxious about our age difference (6 years), money (his divorce was costing him a fortune), moving in together, and a weird friend I barely talked to kept calling my cell phone for days on end (I wasn’t answering, but it was bothering the Fiance for some reason).
Anyways, for a bit theren I didn’t think we would make it past this big road block.
Post # 7
My in-laws. My Mother-In-Law and SIL really hated me for quite some time through (almost) no fault of my own. (Very long story but basically a classic case of no-one-is-good-enough-for-the-oldest-and-only-son.) It took a lot of tears and arguing for my husband to decide that he was on my team and their problems are their problems. For me, he had to be 100% behind me, no doubt about it. Straddling the line or trying to please everyone wasn’t going to work.
Things are much better now, though I honestly don’t believe my relationship with my in-laws will ever fully recover. Once bitten, twice shy, babe.
Post # 8
We didn’t have a specific incident or anything. I just had a hard time communicating at the beginning. I was always the quiet and shy girl, and didn’t talk about my feelings. So I needed to learn how to comminicate with him. We actually broke up a few times in the first three years, but its made us a stronger couple.
We’ve also dealt with several deaths of family members from both my family and his. My brother died the first year we were dating. Thats a lot to deal with at any time in your life and I think being there for each other during those hard times really made us a stronger couple also.
Post # 9
I suspect this won’t be as heavy as some answers…BUT!
Way back when we first started dating, Fiance answered a phone call from his ex during sexy times. Seriously, that’s a lady boner killer.
I was a lot more forgiving then than I am now, because I think I stayed calm, and then raised it as an issue like a normal person would, and talked about my feelings and such. Now I would probably lose my mind – but again, if it happened after 4 years together, I’d feel like he was an idiot.
We’ve had some real down and out fights, but never anything super serious that we couldn’t let slide or talk about later. Hopefully it stays that way. All other difficult situations we have worked through together the best we can.
Post # 10
His freaking family. His father currently lives with us, is a deadbeat loser that sits in his truck and smokes pot all day. He refuses to get a better job, owes the IRS something like 10K, has over 45K in medical bills to pay that he ignores. But my husband’s whole damn family think he’s a “free spirit” and that we should just keep him with us forever.
I had a breakdown a few months ago and said I couldn’t live like this any more and that I wanted us to have a marriage and not a glorified roommate situation going on. All our money has been spent on keeping this man alive and well, we buy his food, we pay for his gas, we help pay his debts. We found him a complete crap apartment for like $400/month (super cheap for a 1BR around here) and even that he can’t afford. We’re teaming up with my husband’s brother to prepay 6 months rent for him. If he doesn’t get his shit together after that, we told him that he can live in his truck for all we care. So many people have spent so much money on helping this GROWN MAN get his life together and he’s so ungrateful. He’s always saying that if I wasn’t in the picture, things wouldn’t have to change. So yeah…my husband’s family hates me for existing.
DAMN that felt good to vent. I try to keep my anger to myself because I know it upsets my husband when I bring it up. We’ve talked through it a million times and he knows how much strain it puts on us. TWO MORE WEEKS and the man will be gone. I might throw a party.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
Wow, what a loaded question. Darling Husband and I have been together for 6 years, so we’ve experienced a lot together. Broadly, his anger issues were the most difficult, I think. I still remember our first fight and how scared I was. We tend to have one a year that shake me, but he has worked so hard to get it under control. I’m really proud of the progress he’s made, and he’s told me he’s not done yet. That makes me happy.
The other thing, I don’t think Darling Husband knows how much it affected me. My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease my senior year of college. I was devastated, and he had no idea how to help me. It really seemed like he didn’t even care. I had wanted to push up the wedding and kids at that point, and he was angry at me for that. I didn’t understand how he could be so insensitive until I realized that he had never suffered any sort of loss before, which leads me to how we came to better understand each other. Before we met, I had a ferret name Tummy, and Darling Husband adopted him. Darling Husband loved him like a son (yeah, we’re crazy pet people). When Tummy was 5, he had surgery to remove a tumor, and he didn’t make it. Darling Husband was destroyed. He hadn’t known what it was like to lose someone you love so,so much. He views life differently now; it was truly a transformational experience for him. He’s a lot nicer now, even though that sounds weird. Now he understands how I felt about my dad, and he’s more supportive of moving near him when we do have kids (and we donate to a ferret shelter monthy, along with caring for our pair).
We did the long distance thing, too, but that was sort of a nonissue… though, he still likes to bring up how I left him for 9 months of 2007. Ah, men.
I’m glad we stuck through it all. I can truly say that we’re happily married, and we can see ourselves this way for the rest of our lives.
Post # 12
My fiance & I have been together for almost 5 years. 1 year of our relationship was us having a “long distance” relationship. Work was sending him on the road 5 days a week (his position wasn’t meant to be an on the road job), we’d only see each other on weekends & it kept happening week after week.. we never knew when he would be home for more then 2 days at a time. I felt alone all the time.. I’d work during the day and come to home to our kitten & empty apartment.. it was so, so lonely & made me incredibly mad. The fighting was horrible.. when he would come home, we both lost the excitement to see each other because he would just be leaving Monday morning anyways. It got to the point where I said it was me or his job, I didn’t want to be in a relationship with somebody that was based on texts & skype. Thankfully he found a job in the city, Monday-Friday, home everynight… Our relationship is really strong because of that bad time. We appreciate what our life is like now compared to when he was gone. We barely, barely fight because there’s no reason to. We went through some tough stuff & little things are just not worth fighting about..
Post # 13
For us I would say that the 3 hardest things we had to overcome was distance, court (my issues) and his family. Fiance and I have only known a long distance relationship, and will be for a couple years even after the wedding 🙁 It is very hard sometimes but we work through it. We also went through a really deep dark time when I was going through a custody battle.. he supported me but I kind of blamed him because well, had he listened to my concerns…I would never have had to go to court in the first place. -Long story. Oh and his family has been an issue from about 6months into our relationship when he told them that I had a baby. They guilted him, berated him, took him out of the will… you name it, they did it! And pretty much he cut off contact with them.
Post # 14
We’re not fighters at all, but man did we get into a few times when we were going through the house buying process. He wanted a complete fixer upper in a questionable area, I did not. It created serious issues for us but it didn’t last long.
Post # 15
Well, there are a few things.
My family (Mother specifically) is an ongoing problem. Fiance doesn’t fit this perfect little mold she had in mind for me (she’s been the same way with me my whole life), so she always has something negative to say. It’s a constant effing battle with her and I’m sick of it.
His Dad’s recurring illness is scary because it’s happened a few times. Finding out how to support someone who is preparing to lose a parent is really hard.
Also, losing $25,000 at the drop of a hat really sucked, but we made it through that as well.
Bring it on, I guess.
Post # 16
LDR all through college. Muy crappy.