(Closed) What is the worst sex advice you've ever heard?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@alaska_99705: oooh ive read this before. I LOVE the comments, theyre hilarious. my fave two are:

As you’re eating dinner together, say something X-rated like, ‘See how I’m devouring this piece of meat? That’s how I’m going to devour you.'”
Then, later, during oral sex, pause and say, “OM NOM NOM NOM.””

Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to ‘sponge paint’ his entire body. Then lick it off.”
How big a bucket of edible body paint would you need to dip your breasts in it? And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting? Doesn’t this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus?

but sorry im totally not answering the question. i dont think ive heard any terrible advice in real life?

Post # 4
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@newname_99:  disturbingly enough, I vaguely remember a thread on the bee where a girl complained that another girl was coming on to her husband by saying this!!  or something involving food and being gross.  Disturbing in that someone would think that would work LoL!

Post # 5
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@elysion:  ok thats just…odd…hahaha

Post # 7
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That the pull out method is effective!

Post # 8
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@newname_99:  I wouldn’t have read the article, but the one you quoted about the brightly colored walrus had me laughing for 5 minutes… 

 

OP, Thanks for sharing!! This is hilarious!!!

Post # 9
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i remember one issue of cosmo that said to go down on him with a mint in your mouth. i mentioned this to Darling Husband and he said he would leave me if i did because he didn’t want a burning dick.

Post # 10
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@WhiteWedding:  its brilliant isnt it. i was actually giggling out loud

i remembered a piece of sex advice by a friend, about how if youre giving a blowjob you should stick a finger up his ass..but without mentioning it beforehand(heard it in mags too, makes sense with the whole prostrate thing). Mentioned it to fi, his  reaction “you dont do *anything* to a mans ass without asking first. and never, ever do that to me…please”…looking at me like im an insane sexual deviant. could be because here in mexico theres a real phobia about “gay” things

Post # 11
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m not sure I’ve ever read any sex advice in a magazine that wasn’t incredibly stupid. I always crack up imagining some poor girl taking them literally, and her poor, bewildered SO….

Post # 12
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

FLICK THE BALLS!

Post # 13
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Is this real life?

I think the worst advice I’ve ever gotten is to try and give myself a Brazilian wax, because men don’t like women that have any hair.

Also, I was told that the ONLY way I’ll ever orgasm is to have my butthole licked. Needless to say, I never tried it. I would be mortified to ask to have my ass licked, sorry. The good news is that I found much better ways to orgasm, buttholes not included.

Post # 14
Member
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

some of these are AWFUL.

@Torrid:  um, what????

Post # 15
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MeiFrancis:  Yeah, a girl I worked with when I was still a virgin (when I was 18) said that second thing to me. I had been having orgasms on my own, so I knew she wasn’t right, but it blew my mind she said this. She said that was the only way she could orgasm, so obviously that’s the only way ANYONE could ever orgasm. As I got older and talked with more women, I did meet a friend that does orgasm that way, but it’s not my “thing.”

Post # 16
Member
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@Torrid:  you have to wonder if she was serious or she was trying to trick you…

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