Post # 1
I’ll post pics of the apology in here as soon as I get home; just need to get on WiFi so I can use an application to blurr our his name.
About January-March I made a guy friend. He used to be my boss at a job I had while I was with my ex. After the break up with my ex, I felt lonely and was trying to make new friends (thankfully I’ve reconnected with a lot of past ones now and made lots of new ones:) ).
he was going through a divorce too. We were kind of each other’s rebounds of sorts. I never even kissed or slept with him. Nor did I flirt. We’d just talk all day and I’d watch him play video games about 2 times a week.
Anyways, he kept flirting with me, so I had to sit him down and tell him no more. Around February. He promised to respect that. Middle of March, we drank together (we’d done so a few times). I’m kind of shy with new friends for a few months, but when I drink even a little I’m automatically super comfortable and talkative.
He kept mentioning how drunk I was. I really was not that drunk. Just slightly tipsy, but I didn’t see reason to correct him. Long story short, he kept trying to kiss me. I said no. Then he kept trying to open my thighs (i had pants on). Whenever I moved them or told him no, he’d put his hands back and keep trying. I told him no like 15 times. He’d interrupt me and keep trying to convince me that he just wanted to “go down on me” for a little; trying to make me think it’d be in my best interest. He’s a little manipulative, which I noticed early into the ‘friendship’ but wasn’t sure what to do about since none of my other friends were like that (they all thought he was bad news). He wouldn’t stop and tried to keep opening my thighs.
Anyways, I stopped being his friend and left. Haven’t spoken since, but he messaged me yesterday saying he missed my friendship. Idk. I don’t think I overreacted, but maybe I did? Also, is it wrong that I told my best friend it felt rapey or like he was trying to rape me?
When me and my ex were seeing each other again like a month ago or whatever, I told him it was that too. I’m not sure if I’m an asshole and being too strict.
Totally not trying to use this platform for every problem, but I always get confused on what to do with people like my ex or this friend. 🤔
Post # 2
This is a man who does NOT respect being told no. Bottom line, you told him no repeatedly, and his response was to continue to push and manipulate you to engage in sexual behavior with him. The comments about how drunk he thought you were make it even creepeier, with him leaning further into sexual predator behavior.
The fact that a bunch of your friends dislike him tells me he may have acted in inappropriate ways towards others.
I wouldn’t have any further contact with him.
Post # 3
Bee, what he did is NOT ok. Trust your instincts and never talk to him again. He didn’t listen after the FIFTEENTH time you told him to stop?!? He is a disgusting predator and would do the same thing again the next time you drank.
Post # 4
coffeebean4444 : No, you did not overreact! Do not resume being “friends” with this guy. He’s a disgusting creep!
Post # 5
coffeebean4444 : He told you he was drunk so he could use that as an excuse for his poor behavior. He’s a pig and yes it was rapey after the first (at most) two times you told him no. Pressuring people is gross. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
ETA: not to victim blame, though I’m sure it’ll be called that, but next time walk away before it gets to 15 times… why force yourself to sit through that crap or chance him getting worse?
Post # 6
You were not being harsh at all! That dude is not a good guy. He was trying to force sexual activity on you that you explicitly told him you did not want. That’s the definition of rapey. Thank god he wasn’t able to take advantage of you more. What do you think he would’ve done if you had been way more drunk? Do you think he would’ve stopped if you hadn’t been in a position to tell him no or make him stop? I think not, and that’s very scary.
You do not need this in your life! It doesn’t matter if he’s “sorry.” You don’t even say you miss his friendship (not that it would make okay). You’re considering letting this person back into your life for no good reason, not even because it’s something you want, because you feel bad that maybe his feelings are hurt? You need to work on trusting yourself & listening to your own instincts. I know that society teaches women to defer to men & avoid hurting their feelings at all costs, but you need to prioritize your own safety.
Post # 7
know it has my name. It’s ok.
Post # 9
Reply with this then block him.
Post # 10
Absolutely not. Hard pass on that “friendship.”
Post # 11
You already said that you thought he was manipulative. This “apology” should just further convince you!
Post # 12
coffeebean4444 : He thought you were drunk enough to try his luck to get sexual with him. He did not get your consent and kept pushing it and touching you when you said no several times. Thats assault. He is not a decent person. He is absolutely disgusting actually!!
Keep far away from him and tell him that he is a disgusting and a creep. Being drunk is never an excuse for bad behaviour or poor choices. By using his ‘drunkness’ as an excuse is him not even taking culpability for the situation. No means no and you cannot legally get consent when someone is under the influence.
Post # 13
The “apology” is just as manipulative as his previous behaviour. What he did is NOT okay, and you should not engage in any sort of friendship with him again.
Post # 14
coffeebean4444 : Yeah that apology is dripping with manipulation tactics. Hard nope on that one, don’t even respond. If you had been drunk and less resistant, he would have sexually assaulted you. Be glad you dodged that bullet.
Post # 15
He’s an asshole. Stay far, far away from him! He knew absolutely what he was doing. You were on the rebound and he got you drunk. He was hoping to take advantage of you being drunk.
The first time you said “no” should have been enough. I have been in that same situation—I had recently broken up with someone and my “friend” got me drunk and tried to take advantage of me. He only stopped when I told him that I was going to tell all our friends what kind of jerk he was.