What is this considered?

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Hostess
3223 posts
Sugar bee

This is a man who does NOT respect being told no. Bottom line, you told him no repeatedly, and his response was to continue to push and manipulate you to engage in sexual behavior with him. The comments about how drunk he thought you were make it even creepeier, with him leaning further into sexual predator behavior.

The fact that a bunch of your friends dislike him tells me he may have acted in inappropriate ways towards others.

I wouldn’t have any further contact with him.

Post # 3
Member
2282 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Bee, what he did is NOT ok. Trust your instincts and never talk to him again. He didn’t listen after the FIFTEENTH time you told him to stop?!? He is a disgusting predator and would do the same thing again the next time you drank. 

Post # 4
Member
8261 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

coffeebean4444 :  No, you did not overreact! Do not resume being “friends” with this guy. He’s a disgusting creep!

Post # 5
Member
5864 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

coffeebean4444 :  He told you he was drunk so he could use that as an excuse for his poor behavior.  He’s a pig and yes it was rapey after the first (at most) two times you told him no.  Pressuring people is gross. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

ETA: not to victim blame, though I’m sure it’ll be called that, but next time walk away before it gets to 15 times… why force yourself to sit through that crap or chance him getting worse?

Post # 6
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

You were not being harsh at all! That dude is not a good guy. He was trying to force sexual activity on you that you explicitly told him you did not want. That’s the definition of rapey. Thank god he wasn’t able to take advantage of you more. What do you think he would’ve done if you had been way more drunk? Do you think he would’ve stopped if you hadn’t been in a position to tell him no or make him stop? I think not, and that’s very scary. 

You do not need this in your life! It doesn’t matter if he’s “sorry.” You don’t even say you miss his friendship (not that it would make okay). You’re considering letting this person back into your life for no good reason, not even because it’s something you want, because you feel bad that maybe his feelings are hurt? You need to work on trusting yourself & listening to your own instincts. I know that society teaches women to defer to men & avoid hurting their feelings at all costs, but you need to prioritize your own safety. 

Post # 9
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Reply with this then block him.

Post # 10
Member
30 posts
Newbee

Absolutely not. Hard pass on that “friendship.”

Post # 11
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

You already said that you thought he was manipulative. This “apology” should just further convince you!

Post # 12
Member
4031 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

coffeebean4444 :  He thought you were drunk enough to try his luck to get sexual with him.  He did not get your consent and kept pushing it and touching you when you said no several times. Thats assault. He is not a decent person. He is absolutely disgusting actually!! 

Keep far away from him and tell him that he is a disgusting and a creep. Being drunk is never an excuse for bad behaviour or poor choices. By using his ‘drunkness’ as an excuse is him not even taking  culpability for the situation. No means no and you cannot legally get consent when someone is under the influence. 

Post # 13
Member
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

The “apology” is just as manipulative as his previous behaviour. What he did is NOT okay, and you should not engage in any sort of friendship with him again.

Post # 14
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

coffeebean4444 :  Yeah that apology is dripping with manipulation tactics.  Hard nope on that one, don’t even respond.  If you had been drunk and less resistant, he would have sexually assaulted you.  Be glad you dodged that bullet. 

Post # 15
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

He’s an asshole. Stay far, far away from him! He knew absolutely what he was doing. You were on the rebound and he got you drunk. He was hoping to take advantage of you being drunk.

The first time you said “no” should have been enough. I have been in that same situation—I had recently broken up with someone and my “friend” got me drunk and tried to take advantage of me. He only stopped when I told him that I was going to tell all our friends what kind of jerk he was. 

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