(Closed) What is "too much time" around in-laws/other people?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That is crazy a lot of time with other people.  My brother just moved in with us, and we still don’t spend as much time with him as you are spending with your ILs (he is using the suite in the basement, so he goes there after work and we see him for about 10 minutes a day) 

I would work on starting to set up boundaries with your ILs.  Cut down either the days of the week, and how late they stay.  11:30 is too late when you work the next day, and 5 days a week is crazy.  Do it with kindness, but start doing it as soon as possible.  Your boundaries with your ILs are really low now, and need to get higher so you have some privacy with your Darling Husband.

Post # 3
Member
449 posts
Helper bee

That sounds like WAY too much. The in-laws DO NOT need to be over that often. Start saying you can’t accomodate a visit, “but you should come by in a week!”…. If you set a hard date for the next visit maybe they’ll leave you alone in the mean time. But you sound the exact opposite of anti-social. You deserve some time for just the two of you!

Post # 4
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Wow…I thought I hung out with family a lot, and thats maybe 1 or 2 days a week. Set a night to have dinner with them and then have your husband tell his family you are busy the rest of the week. I would go nuts without at least SOME alone time!

Post # 7
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

Woah, I would be miserable spending that much time around other people. Is there a reason why you guys are seeing the in laws 5 days a week? You said you guys had family day once a week before. What preciptated the change? Does your Hubby want to see them that often or would he be ok scaling back too?

Post # 8
Member
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I cannot imagine spending 5 days a week with my future ILs – that’s a crazy amount of time. We see my mum for dinner on Tuesdays, my dad and step mum for dinner most Fridays and my Future Mother-In-Law for dinner on Sundays (our siblings also attend these dinners). If there’s a birthday or something, we may also catch up with the families another day of the week. I sometimes also see my family for an hour on a Saturday if I go to watch my little sister (12 years old) play basketball.

As for friends, my bestie and I go to the gym together a few times a week as do her boyfriend and my Fiance (kill two birds with one stone). We see other friends maybe twice a month, sometimes more and sometimes less. My Fiance is lucky to see his bestie once a month due to them working very different schedules.

Post # 10
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

mrswalker0510:  That sounds like my idea of a living nightmare, I’m not surprised you’re struggling with it. Once a week seeing the in laws would be too much for me! Tell him you need quality time with just him. He ought to understand. If he doesn’t, I’d be questioning if I wanted children with him. I’d worry he’d never appreciate I need time to unwind and things would only get worse with little ones.

Post # 12
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Totally sounds like “Everybody Loves Raymond”. I think you are going to have to put your foot down with them. They probably won’t like it, but they will deal. Lock your doors and shut your blinds until they get it.

Post # 13
Member
12127 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

How awful. Where is your H in all this? If he’s not on the same page as you, then that is your real problem.

Are your families from a culture where this is common or expected? Here, it  would be considered completely rude, bizarre,  and overstepping to impose on a married couple to that degree. H needs to say “I’m sorry, that will not be convenient. We will be free next Thursday.”  

It is not a good sign that they seem to ignore your wishes in all this. 

Post # 15
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

 

mrswalker0510:  Nevermind, just saw your update. I’d have your Fiance have a direct and open talk with them about no longer just stopping by. If they choose to ignore it and come over unannounced, tell them it is bad timing and they need to leave, and that you’re looking forward to seeing them on Thursday. Repeat as needed. If they have keys, change the locks.

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