(Closed) What is "too much time" around in-laws/other people?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

mrswalker0510:  Without being rude, I’d suggest that you plan to be conveniently just heading out when they show up. Maybe you can have your purse at the door and when they show up and you see them walking up, head out in a hurry and be locking up by the time they reach your door.

You could be all, “I’m sorry, but we have plans tonight and I’m meeting DH”. Go to the movies, walk in the park, heck go to the library, just make it very obvious until they “get it” that showing up unannounced isn’t ok”. I’m sorry that the direct route hasn’t worked. I am all about family time but this sounds ridiculous. 

Post # 32
Member
6502 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow, that’s too much for anyone. Darling Husband needs to talk to them and set some ground rules. I assume they want grandchildren? Perhaps if they understand that’s not likely to happen soon if they are always with you?

If he can’t get through to them just start making plans for the two of you–don’t be home when they show up, or don’t answer the door. (Or do answer the door, but in a towel, with the take-out boxes for two obvious in the background, or in a cocktail dress in a hurry to make your reservation…)

This is an important time for you as a couple. You need to have an opportunity to connect every day. And 11:30? Just no. When they are over there is nothing wrong with standing up at 10:00 and announcing you’ve enjoyed their company, you are tired and you have to be up early. If they don’t get it just go to bed! They can let themselves out. Things may be awkward for a little while but the longtime gain is worth it. Good luck, Bee!!!

Post # 33
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh hell no. That is NUTS. They cannot be over all night until 11:30 on a weekday, and you cooking dinner for them every night? What an imposition! This goes beyond anyone’s reasonable expectations for family time, and it must be exhausting (and all those dinners must get expensive!). It sounds like your husband’s mom wants it to be like when he was a kid and was home with her every day, and was giving her a big hug after school, but that’s just not okay now that he’s married. Your husband really needs to reset the boundaries with them—I would try to let him handle it if I were you, you don’t want to be seen as the big meanie pushing them away.

Honestly, I would consider moving, too. Not to solve the immediate problem, but to improve your life in general. I have a lot of friends whose relationships with their parents got better once they moved away from them. Good luck!

Post # 34
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

mrswalker0510:  you’re a saint. I’d be in jail by now. Your husband needs to let them know that they are welcome once a week and need to ring ahead. If they just turn up, don’t respond. How very awkward for you!

I don’t know if you are hoping for children at some point but if so, it is particularly important you establish boundaries or they will virtually move in so grandma can get some love from her baby. 

Post # 35
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

MissTNBookworm:  I would do something like this LOL! Maybe depending on your work schedules, meet up with your husband at a restaurant or something straight from work one night. Get out of the house and do your own thing where they don’t know you’ll be. Only a temporary fix but it’ll save you from going insane in the meantime!

Post # 36
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I would be going insane! Wow 5 days a week is crazy, plus they are staying way too late, and you have to feed them? Don’t they have their own home?? That is really rude of them. Boundaries need to be set and now! 

Post # 37
Member
7910 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

5 days a week is a lot! You could be blunt and say that you need more time alone for sex and other TTC related activities. I agree about the Everybody Loves Raymond aspect of the situation!

Post # 38
Member
19 posts
Newbee

In my opinion, that’s a lot of time to be hanging out with people. You need your space and your alone time! One thing my husband and I do to make sure we get sufficient time together is date night. Every Thursday we go out to dinner, go to the movies or just do something together. We look forward to it every week. One week my husband picks the date, and the next week I do. 

Post # 40
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

mrswalker0510:  that’s so good to hear!

Wishing you a merry Christmas!

Post # 41
Member
2595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

mrswalker0510:  Brilliant update, I’m so happy for you, that must be a huge relief 🙂 Merry Christmas to you both!

Post # 42
Member
11777 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

mrswalker0510:  great to hear! Hope you guys have a great holiday:-)

Post # 43
Member
7613 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

mrswalker0510:  if you think it’s too much, then it’s too much. for what it’s worth that would be too much for me too! since you’re husband is on board, and telling them not to come over isn’t working, just don’t open the door. if that makes you uncomfortable plan a few date nights away from home so that you aren’t there when they show up – they’ll figure it out. 

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