(Closed) What is too young for marriage is it a feeling or an age ?!!!!

posted 9 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 77
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think under 21 is too young for just about anyone. For some people, 30 is still too young, haha, so it’s relative.

Post # 78
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It does depend on the person and your situation. But what I know is when I was so different from being out of high school til 23 fish. I’m 25 now. Ive changed ten times through then and would never want to be with anyone I was with then. But everyone is different…

Post # 79
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think it depends on so many factors! My fiance and I just turned 19 when we got engaged and we will just have turned 22 when we get married next year and that’s just what works for us. We are old-souls and not typical 21 year olds in any sense, I know a lot of people say to enjoy your life before settling down, but we are already enjoying our lives sharing it together, that won’t change just because I change my last name. So age isn’t what makes or breaks a marriage, but there is also a reason why it’s illegal to get married before 16 years of age.

Post # 80
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

It clearly depends on the couple, but in my opinion under 20 is too young to get married. If only because you will change so much. Like, your brain is not fully formed at 18. Executive functions, like planning and attention and higher cognitive functioning is not fully developed in an 18 year old. You will think differently a few years after, and make decisions differently. You just don’t yourself enough at that age. 

Post # 81
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I was engaged at 18, Fiance was 20 at the time. A year later, I don’t regret it. We aren’t getting married until two years from now. I believe it’s more a feeling than an age, but anything under the legal age (I’m from Canada, so I believe legal age is 18, not 21) seems kind of weird, unless the couple has been together for a long time, and the families are alright with it. Fiance and I went through a lot of hardships during our relationship, and we’ve grown a lot with each other, but the lack of love was never there. We always stood by each other, so if I wanted to whisk him to the courthouse and marry him right now I so would lol.

Post # 82
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@akirasan:  Im from Canada to, I looked it up and you can get married starting at 16 with parental consent (I actually went to high school with TWO girls who were married at 16). However anything under the age of 16 is illegal even with parents consent.

Although, if you aren’t even old enough to drink alcohol or see a R rated movie and need you parents to sign a form, you probably shouldn’t be getting married ! haha

 

Post # 83
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think it depends on the culture and religion.  In my faith, it is perfectly normal to marry at like 18-23 and we have super low divorce rates but our whole religious environment is super supportive to happy, healthy marriages.  Divorce is rarely heard of in our circles but I believe it is not so much because divorce is frowned upon andbecase a man can/will lose his position in the church (unless its over adultry) but because we are taught from the time we are tiny that a man is supposed to love his wife “as Christ loved the church”.  The guys are taught early on that if he doesnt love her enough to suffer crucifixion for her, then he has no right to marry her and the numerous verses about a wife being a gift from God to be cherished and taken care of.  We females, in turn, are taught to submit, love, care for, and follow our husbands so to choose very carefully what we can submit to.  Lots of “checks and balances” and premarital counseling from either a pastor or minister.

Im probably rambling but typing it out is helping me sort out the young part of our marriage and why we never thought much about it.  Im 21 btw.  19 when we met.

Post # 84
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@regisaurus:  My mom said he same thing and I listened. You have the rest of your life to be married. Your early 20s  is a wonderful and free spirited time. My brother and his wife met at age 16 and didn’t marry until 25. They are still happy at 32.

Post # 85
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Gonna tack this on to my already long post.  lol. sorry… just thought of something as I went back and read over the previous posts.

I totally agree about the life experience thing.  I just shared on another thread that he is 32, finished with his education, established in a job, and his home is paid off.  as are our vehicles.  That being said, I tested out of high school early, moved out of state 2 months after I turned 17, purchased my own vehicle, established myself as a horseback riding instructor/problem horse rider, and was four years into my degree when we met.  we had both moved back to our hometown. me for educational purposes and fi to take care of his family after a tornado left his dad in bad health and killed his mom so he had a little sister to take care of.

Life has made us “old souls” and we are the type thats in bed by 10 and up by 7.  Life experience definitely plays a huge roll in our decision to marry.

Post # 86
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think there’s a certain “right age”, but I will say I feel like much more ready at 26 than I would have been (for example) in my early 20’s. We got engaged when I was 25, and I was finishing up my Graduate degree and was starting to look for full-time jobs.

Post # 87
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t know if this has been said already but in my opinion, being financially ready should be at the forefront. There is no point in entering into a marriage if you can hardly feed yourself or live. I think that one’s career should be set and that they should be able to live independently without the help of a parent or significant other before tying that knot.

Post # 88
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Fiance and i got engaged when i was 19, he was 24

when we get married i’ll be 23, while he’ll be 28

Age really has nothing to do with it, it ks the level of maturity that the couple has reached.. You can still be in your 30s and not be mature enough or responsable enough to take care of a family..

I think that if 2 people in a couple are both mature enough, able to comminicate well with each other, and have reasonable dreams and goals, they will make it..

Post # 89
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2007

This thread is old, but I don’t think it depends on an age or a ‘feeling’. Yes, you should be in love and have a great ‘feeling’, but you need to have the right level of maturity. Marriage is a commitment; it’s meant to be for life. That’s not something that should be taken lightly, or done because you “are sooo in love” with someone. You need to both be ready for a commited relationship. You need to be able to afford life together, without help from parents/family/friends. You need to be absolutely certain that you can see the rest of your life with this other person.

Some people are ready for marriage when they’re 20. Others are never ready. And still, others wait until they’re in their late 20s/early 30s because they want to enjoy life and travel. All of these are totally fine, as long as the person making the decision is prepared for that decision.

There is no “too young” (as long as you’re legally able to marry) or “too old” when it comes to marriage. You have to do what is best for you and your partner, and you should absolutely do what makes you happy- whether that means getting married after being together 1 year or waiting until your 10 year anniversary to wed. Maturity > age or feelings. Feelings can wane (and often will during the course of a marriage), so it’s unwise to base an engagement/marriage solely off of how you and your partner ‘feel’ about each other.

That’s my opinion. I met DH when I was 18 and got married at 19. I’m 20 now, so still very young. DH is 30. However, I knew I was commited to him, and we are financially/emotionally secure. We were both very prepared to make a lifelong commitment, and I am so glad we did not wait 5-6 years to get married- I can spend that time being married and enjoying life with him! Even if I ‘mature’ or ‘grow up’ more in coming years, I’m still the same person. I’ve always been ‘old for my age’, as my mother says, so it didn’t come as a shock to anyone in either family when we decided to get married. 🙂

Post # 90
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think many young women think that marriage will solve their relationship problems.  They will think “oh right now he puts his friends first but after we are married he will magically put me first.”  I will be 28 when I get married next year and over the years I have looked at relationships at their face value more than when I was in my early 20s. 

 

My sister got married when she was 18 and she is now 22 and having a very difficult time because it seems like her huband never has viewed her as a woman (he’s a few years older than her) and she simply went from being taken care of by our parents to being taken care of by him.

 

I also like that I am independent and can support myself financially.  This may be controversial to say and I know it is a generalization and not true for everyone… But, I feel like you get more respect from someone if they know you have options.  And as a tax accountant I have several clients that are widows and they are lost financially without their husband and have no idea where all of their accounts are, or who their mortgage is with.  I think it is very important for both husband and wife to have this information because no one is guaranteed a tomorrow.

 

Sometimes I have the conversation with my SO and we talk about what would have happened if we met eachother years earlier.  I really believe we would end up with eachother but I always tell him I’m kind of glad that we both went thru some less than desireable situations because it really makes us appreciate eachother.

Post # 91
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Fiance is a year older then me, so while dating in highschool was hard because we didnt have the same friends. About after 7-8months of dating we kinda just stopped hanging out with friends (bad, I know, but I wanted to be with HIM!) and we would just be with eachother – we were eachothers best friends. To this day, its all about us. We go out with other couples (but usually have more fun by ourselves) and seperately go out a couple times a month with our close friends that we did stay in touch with. Its been 7 years and I dont regret a thing. My Fiance and I are only 22 but we feel (and others feel) we have the maturity of 30+ year olds! We literally grew up not only together, but with one another, and even though we arent the same as we were when we were teenagers, the idea of us sharing a life together hasn’t changed.

With that being said, EVERYONES situation is different, and what works for some, doesn’t work for others.

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