(Closed) What is wrong with me?!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Yes, Treasure43 is on the money. I am not downplaying what you are experiencing with your FI  But, perhaps part of the mystique with the new guy is that he is off limits because you are engaged.   You’re now wondering, is there someone out there who is better?  It’s totally a grass is always greener thing.  Hey, maybe he is!  Best to figure it out now than to get married and regret.

A few things: Did the arguments with your Fiance begin before you became close to this other man?  Or have they become worse since this other man has been around?  Some women during engagement tend to nitpick their SOs more so than while they were dating. Or they think of ex boyfriends or think about they’ll miss out on. This is normal, but also detrimental. Were you bothered by his lack of motivation before when you were just dating?  Maybe this thinking is new to him, and in which case, you just need to be honest.  Talk it out and fight fair.

Good luck!

Post # 19
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Have a talk with your Fiance today!  Honestly, it will only wear you down if you stew on this for any longer.  Be completely open with him about how you are feeling about him and the relationship (no need to mention the other guy at this time…in fact, hold off for now).  Just talk to him about all your thoughts and your concerns.  Do not say statements like ‘you always’ or ‘you never’; and instead say ‘I feel like ____ (ex: we’ve grown apart)’, ‘I’m nervous about ______ (ex: financial stability)’. 

See what he says, and try very hard for him not to blow you off.  Or for you to get frustrated.  Who knows?  Maybe he is feeling uneasy about getting married too.  Maybe it’s time to take a break or work on it.  I’ve heard counseling really only works if you’re working towards a goal (ex: marriage) and if both parties are working together towards that same goal (not resisting in the process).  I could be wrong!

Keep us posted.

Post # 20
Member
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I didn’t read all the comments, so sorry if this has already been said.

First – the downhill spiral of your relationship probably has a lot to do with the fact that you are interested in this other guy.

Second – you need to make a decision, plain and simple.  Do you want to be in a relationship with your FI?  If not, you need to cut it off – NOW!  It’s not fair to him or yourself. 

I think you can always find fault with the person you are with, but if you don’t want to be in a life-long relationship with your Fiance, then the best thing you can do is call it off.

If you do want to work it out with Fiance, then you need to cut all communication with the other guy and focus on your relationship.  

 

Post # 21
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

80/20 Rule:

If you are getting 80% of your needs met in this current relationship and then you meet someone else you gives you that 20% that’s missing than that 20% seems amazing. Then you leave the 80% and realize that the 20% is cutting it after all. So remember 20% is no where close to 80%. Weigh it out and see how you feel.

If he’s not meeting 80% remember, you’re not getting married until 2012. You can leave him now with technically no consequences. 

Post # 23
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you know what you want already. You can’t marry someone you’re not 100% with. I think you should def. sit down with Fiance and explain what is going on with him. If you take time apart though and see this other guy, your Fiance might not want to get back together with you if he is really hard. So it’s a tough decision. Sorry you’re in this boat!

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