Post # 1
just to be upfront this is something that i am really emabrrassed about, and have not talked to anyone about.
I will start by saying that i really dislike sex, the thought of it often makes me cringe. when i lost my verginity to Fiance i did enjoy it for about the first year, until i got on birth control and then i started enjoying it less and less. I stopped taking BC about 2 years ago and have seen no change in my feelings. It has put a huge damper on our relationship because Fiance feels that i dont find him attractive, which is not the case. I really dont know my reasoning for feeling this way but i fear that it is going to cause serious issues. I have alot of self esteem issues, and im sure that has alot to do with it, i even get weird if Fiance trys touching me. Its not that i dont think it feels good, because most of the time it does. Im confused, lost and feel that i am all alone in dealing with this.
I am putting myself out there by posting this, but i feel that i dont have anyone else to talk with about it.
Post # 3
@mattsgirl813: I’m buzzing in here to let you know you aren’t alone. I didn’t really start having sex until I was about 22, and didn’t REALLY enjoy it until about 2 years later. I never felt the urge to have it, and I wasn’t missing anything.
But once I began to like it, wasn’t ashamed of “doing it” (before marriage… always felt guilt about that) and was comfortable with my partner, it was enjoyable.
I know why it was an issue for me. It was guilt, it was being hurt from prior relationships, and the mental fallout from a sexual assault I had as a teenager. I had body issues as well, and that compounded everything.
Figuring out WHY you may not be keen on sex will help you to fix the issue. I’d start by examining your mind to see if there are any latent feelings caught up there adding to it, but I would also get a physical done and mention it to your doctor. Your hormones play a key part in regulating libido, and if anything is off, it could be a contributing factor.
If you find that your emotions are playing a part, I’d seek out a counselor to help you sort it out. It may not hurt to bring your Fiance with you to understand that it’s not him, and he has nothing to do with it, but can certainly help you to overcome it.
I hope you have luck in solving everything to your satisfaction.
Post # 4
@StuporDuck: i feel that alot of it has to do with my body issues. I have been trying really hard to lose weight and get back to my old self. This is awful to say, but i feel like the only time i can let go is when i have been drinkig because i am not thinking about how i look.
Post # 5
If you are feeling self conscious about your body, perhaps you could try these ideas:
–Sex with no lights on
–Sex with a red lightbulb in (it flatters your body and is super sexy looking!)
–Sex with your Fiance in a blindfold
–Sex semiclothed (can be hot!!)
–Sex via candlelight with romantic music playing
–Change up your positions (try doggy style, you on top, on the sofa, side of the bed, etc)
–Vibrator – this might help you REALLY enjoy and even crave sex again! Even if you just use it by youself, haha!
Post # 6
@yellowismyfavoritecolor: we have tried a few of those, and they really didnt make any difference
Post # 7
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Have you talked to your Gyno or another Dr about this? Have you chaged any other medications because that sometimes can have an affect on your sex drive/desire.
Post # 8
@kaw2be: I think i may talk with my dr. about it, but other than that i am not on any regualr meds
Post # 9
I second the idea of talking to your doctor. BCPs messed me up like this for a while too. It took me almost a year to get back to my normal sex drive. I’m sorry you are going through this. I know how much it sucks 🙁
Post # 10
I went off birth control for this very reason, it really screwed with my libido. You are not alone! My sex drive did return to normal, but I would DEFINITELY encourage talking to your doctor about it =). They are there to help!