(Closed) what is wrong with me?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@mattsgirl813:  I’m buzzing in here to let you know you aren’t alone. I didn’t really start having sex until I was about 22, and didn’t REALLY enjoy it until about 2 years later. I never felt the urge to have it, and I wasn’t missing anything. 

But once I began to like it, wasn’t ashamed of “doing it” (before marriage… always felt guilt about that) and was comfortable with my partner, it was enjoyable. 

I know why it was an issue for me. It was guilt, it was being hurt from prior relationships, and the mental fallout from a sexual assault I had as a teenager. I had body issues as well, and that compounded everything.

Figuring out WHY you may not be keen on sex will help you to fix the issue. I’d start by examining your mind to see if there are any latent feelings caught up there adding to it, but I would also get a physical done and mention it to your doctor. Your hormones play a key part in regulating libido, and if anything is off, it could be a contributing factor. 

If you find that your emotions are playing a part, I’d seek out a counselor to help you sort it out. It may not hurt to bring your Fiance with you to understand that it’s not him, and he has nothing to do with it, but can certainly help you to overcome it. 

I hope you have luck in solving everything to your satisfaction.

Post # 5
240 posts
Helper bee

If you are feeling self conscious about your body, perhaps you could try these ideas:

–Sex with no lights on

–Sex with a red lightbulb in (it flatters your body and is super sexy looking!)

–Sex with your Fiance in a blindfold

–Sex semiclothed (can be hot!!)

–Sex via candlelight with romantic music playing

–Change up your positions (try doggy style, you on top, on the sofa, side of the bed, etc)

–Vibrator – this might help you REALLY enjoy and even crave sex again! Even if you just use it by youself, haha!


Post # 7
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.  Have you talked to your Gyno or another Dr about this?  Have you chaged any other medications because that sometimes can have an affect on your sex drive/desire.

Post # 9
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I second the idea of talking to your doctor. BCPs messed me up like this for a while too. It took me almost a year to get back to my normal sex drive. I’m sorry you are going through this. I know how much it sucks 🙁

Post # 10
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I went off birth control for this very reason, it really screwed with my libido. You are not alone! My sex drive did return to normal, but I would DEFINITELY encourage talking to your doctor about it =). They are there to help!

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