(Closed) what is wrong with me?!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Can I ask why you are still with your FI?  It seems like you are over the relationship, but can’t let him go.  I don’t mean to sound rude, but I’m asking because I’m wondering if you feel like you still have a future with this person, or if you are reluctant to let go of something familiar.

Post # 4
Member
47 posts
Newbee

Sweetie I am so sorry that all those things happened to you! I so understand being upset but it seems like you’ve been avoiding all of it rather than dealing with it. You really need to sit down and talk with your FI about the things that happened and how or if you want to proceed with your relationship. It seems like you dont really have one any more and if you are ready to move on make it clear so you aren’t dragging this out. I think you will feel so much better once you have it all sorted out no matter what conclusion you reach. Good luck!!

Post # 5
Member
3831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Not sure what to say really.  There are so many issues there.  So many things have happend that i guess you are kind of loss.  Would speaking with a counsellor help you? Do you still want your relationship with your FI/ex-FI? 

Post # 6
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I agree with PP.  I would recommend ending things with your FI.  It seems like you guys want different things out of life now, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  You just need to be honest to yourself and to him.

Post # 7
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

You need to get yourself in therapy to help you sort out who you are, what you need, what you want, and how you are going to get back in control of your life. This is an opportunity for you to do some serious self-examination. And please, let your FI go. You are not in a position to be a partner to anyone right now. Work on you for a while. If he’s still available when you are ready for it, and you want to try again, go for it. But for now, you’re kinda a mess.

Post # 8
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t feel comfortable advising you on how to deal with your relationship, so instead I am going to advise you to work on yourself. I am a huge advocate of counseling and therapy.  I find that having an unbiased person that can counsel you, offer support, help you sort through the emotions and put yourself on the path of healing can be an amazing experience. I would recommend that you look into seeing someone (if you have a full-time job, most companies provide covered counseling through their Employee Assistance Programs). I think that once you figure out why your behaviour has changed and what makes you feel the way you are feeling…you will be better able to make some of those hard decisions. Good luck, OP!

Post # 11
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with PP… you have a lot of unresolved issues, and he’s just along for the ride it seems. What made you want to suggest this open relationship? Is he dating as well? How would you feel if he was going out with other people? I agree… don’t keep him hanging on if it’s not what you’re able to commit to. Therapy will probably be a great way for you to sort through your feelings and move forward.

Post # 13
Member
47 posts
Newbee

@abeeundercover:  Well if you don’t want the stress of planning a wedding with military involved I totally understand my bf is going to be a marine and I’m not looking forward to it. If a life with him is what you want sit down and talk to him and then once you have everything between you two worked out think about eloping. That way you can have a day thats really about you two and you don’t have the stress of wedding planning.

Post # 14
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Oh I see.  OP, as some of the PP’s have said, you need to work on yourself first then.  If you see a future with this person, and he with you, there is no need to rush a  wedding.  That is, if you even want a full out wedding, as opposed to eloping. 

Take some time to feel out what you want.  You say you are young.  You’ve got some time yet.  Date other people.  As you both seem to have found out, it is making you appreciate each other more.  But don’t get back together until you BOTH feel ready.

Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
9484 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MsMindle:  I agree with you on this.  Couldn’t have said it any better.

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