Post # 1
I am pretty sure I had a chemical pregnancy. Positive early test, few days late period, normal bleeding, negative test after.
The problem is…..
I don’t feel bad about it!
And that makes me feel awful. I’ve googled a lot about it and everyone posting online seems devastated by it, and I can only feel that obviously the embryo wasn’t viable, so it happened. Do’t get me wrong, I’m not happy about it, but I feel like it’s just life.
What is wrong with me? I’ve posted before about my uncertainty with having kids, so I wonder – Is this a sign I’m not cut out to be a mom?
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s a sign of anything negative. It sounds like you’re just taking the facts as they are and not getting emotionally involved, and that’s totally ok! Just because someone reacts to a situation in one way doesn’t make your reaction any more or less valid.
Were you trying to get pregnant? I think a lot of the “devastated” women have been trying for many, many cycles – sometimes even years – and have lost many pregnancies early on and I imagine that could take a toll on them.
Post # 4
We weren’t trying, but not trying to prevent it either – just letting things happen as they will. DH is more upset than I am, sigh.
Post # 5
Are you actively TTC and for very long? I think for many women who have been trying for a while, knowing they were pregnant and it did not stick is very emotional because of how frustrtating a process it can be. They feel like it is never going to happen, get super excited, and then find it is not viable.
There is nothing wrong with you. While I certainly understand that for some people it is an emotionally charged loss, it isn’t for everyone. Nor should it be expected that everyone should have the same reaction. Honestly, with most chemical loses we are talking about a few days. I understand that can be devestating, but for just as many of us it is a much less significant loss.
I think a lot of the talk around chemical pregnancies has been influenced by the argument by some fundamentalists equating birth control to abortion. They argue that life begins at conception and hbc causing the egg not to implant is the same as the death of a baby. This renewed attention to chemical pregnancies has increased their awareness and also influenced the discourse around them.
I think that, along with the frustrations and length of TTC is why you have seen increasing mention of chemical pregnancy and found so many boards with so many of the commentsyou described.
So I wouldn’t worry about expectations. You feel how you feel, and how you feel in no way means you will be either a great mom or a bad one.
Post # 6
@justelope: That makes a lot of sense, although for me I think it was more like 2-3 weeks. The kicker is that I did, and still feel, that abortion even at that time frame is wrong! So I’m guessing you’re right, it’s the women who are very frustrated with TTC who maybe take it the hardest.
I just can’t help feeling this happened because I was not crazy to have a baby…and God/nature/the Universe was trying to teach me a lesson.
Post # 7
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your reaction. I’d also assume that the people who have been trying the longest to get pregnant are the ones who would be likely to take that news the hardest. It sounds to me like you’re doing a good job of staying sane through the whole TTC process, and are accepting that it will happen for you when it’s meant to.
Post # 8
@starrynight: Nothing’s wrong with you. I think you just have better coping skills than I had… People who have an NTNT attitude (like you have) tend to be more type B, go with the flow types.
I am very type A. VERY. And I’m an only child – when I want something, I usually get it and I don’t have to wait for it. I work my ass off until I do get it. So when it happened to me, it just crushed me…
Post # 9
Nothing, you might just accept things better. You know it’ll happen for you eventually…
Don’t worry! 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks everyone. I was just feeling like such a horrible person. Once I got the positive test, I did get a little excited. I’ll stop beating myself up over it.