Post # 1
I had people over at my place, people were in and out, but everybody that I know.
After I was cleaning up I found that a document of mine was torn up and used to roll and snort something off my furniture. Believe it or not this has happened before. I am NOT okay with this, on any level.
People also ‘borrow’ things from my place when I am not there, or use things.
I just had to pick up about 100 cigaret butts from my backyard including my garden from a few hours of hanging out. Somebody also peed in my garden even though there was an available bathroom indoors.
What is wrong with people???
Everybody I hang out with thinks this is all normal and tells me to lighten up?! Am I insane or are they?
How do I put boundaries with people around these things? Everybody already thinks Im a huge downer and I don’t have many friends.
Post # 3
WTF? I can’t imagine in a million years going to a friend’s house and pissing in their yard, throwing cigarette butts everywhere, taking things that aren’t mine without asking, or doing drugs. No, just no. Those people are super rude and the drug thing is a serious liability! What if a disgruntled neighbor filed a noise complaint with the cops and they saw whoever it was snorting whatever it was right in your living room or kitchen?
Maybe that’s all “normal” behavior if you’re an inconsiderate asshat, but not if you’re a decent adult human being. You can have a good time and a good party without wrecking someone’s property.
Post # 4
Make new friends. These people are serious losers if no one has taught them by an adult age that you can’t use people’s documents to take your drugs, use the garden as an outhouse, and leave toxic cigarette butts everywhere.
Try Meetup.com, join literature clubs, volunteer, and network through work to meet new people.
Or, just stop inviting the losers over.
Post # 5
Whomever these people are don’t really sound like friends aka respectful and understanding individuals.
Its your place, you draw the line. Please don’t harbor people that are potentially brining illegal drugs into your house in the name of keeping a friendship…
Post # 6
the thing is. these people are really nice people. They just… grew up differently so whats normal for them is not at all normal for me.
I just feel like I cant tell them in a nice way that this stuff is not okay.
I dont know. They are friends with my Fi, and he finds it frustrating but hes really good friends with them so I cant just cut them off.
I also dont have many friends and found it impossible to find friends so I tend to just tag along with him as pathetic as it sounds.
Idk. I just feel like such a loser and like I dont fit in anywhere.
I feel like I sound like I am 15. I am a grown woman, why am I having these issues at my age?
Post # 7
If you want to keep them as friends, but change their behavior, I’d start in smaller groups. In a party, things get out of control. Hold smaller gatherings such as a dinner party and if someone does something with which you are not cool, politely let them know at the time. In a small gathering, there is more accountability and it’s harder to hide in a herd (and not be identified) or follow herd mentality it’s ok. They might be more apt to recognize the behavior is not acceptable if you discuss it with them. If they continue to repeat it, because it’s FI’s friends, I’d have him speak to them more directly. If that doesn’t solve it…I’d just stop inviting them over to my place and only see them out or at their place until they change their ways.
Post # 8
I would not be inviting said people back until they learned not to act like apes.
Post # 9
I had this a few years ago when I was living on my own, friends starting crossing the line. The next time they came over,before they even got through the door, I had to be really firm with them and tell them no smoking or drugs inside my apartment. If you wanna do them,do them in your own car down the road. We always smoked outside anyway,I dont see how it was any different just because there was a “party.” They moaned,bitched and complained about it for the first half hour,but I stood my ground and eventually they came around.
Post # 10
It is your home and you are the one who has to deal with the aftermath of it. The fact that they would disrespect you and your Fiance enough to do drugs in the house?? Wow, imagine that police raid. If you find it impossible to get new friends (highly advisable) then you have to set some ground rules at the start of any get together. Allow them to smoke outside and sey up several ashtrays around the communal area. When you see someone throw a butt on the ground, go pick it up and place it in the ashtray. If you do this a couple of times, they will hopefully get the hint and do it themselves. Maybe you can even recruit one or two of the more evolved ones to help you out and spread the word that you don’t like this behavior and it’s unfair to you! You are nice enough to invite people over to your house and they are tearing it up. You don’t run a nightclub. And peeing in your garden??? You have to put your hands in that! And all that urea will ruin your plants, not that they would really care it seems.
I’m sorry, I feel for you because I have had several parties like this in my college years, but I learned how to stop the behavior: get new friends or have smaller get togethers.