Post # 1
Future Mother-In-Law and Fiance keep getting into little disagreements about the wedding. Mostly because she feels we (that’s a lie…. ME) aren’t including her enough in the details of the wedding. She told me she just feels like a guest.
Now, I’m a huge control freak, and I haven’t asked anyone for a lot of help with anything wedding related, because I want it to be done right! But I know I need to give Future Mother-In-Law something to do….
Any suggestions would be amazing!
Post # 3
Girl, Im in the SAME boat, we are doing everything ourselves! Future Mother-In-Law did offer us a gift to pay for photography so that was nice.. shes 1.5 hrs away and we have invited her to go to several vendors and tastings but shes never able.. and she says she wants some input as well.
We havent always had the best relationship..and i got an email this week that she ordered her dress in light champange (groan)
Maybe i would ask her to look into info for a bridesmaid luncheon or day spa? Also do you have your something borrowed? Maybe it can be something she can give you.
Post # 4
@mrsaponte: I feel the same way. I have a specific vision and I want to carry it through. I wouldn’t mind including her so much if she wasn’t so ADD about the things that I have already asked her to do — the guest list, the rehearsal dinner.
Anyway, checkout this thread I started a few weeks ago. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/what-project-did-you-give-to-your-mother-in-law
Post # 5
I don’t have something borrowed yet – maybe I will ask her for that – I think that would make her really happy! Thank you!!
Post # 5
This probably won’t be too helpful. .
my Future Mother-In-Law is making our cake and cupcakes (used to bake professionally) and helping me with the bouquets.
I’m lucky though. . I love her and she’s super knowledgeable about a lot of stuff.
Post # 6
Same exact boat! What makes it harder is that when I give her stuff, it doesn’t get done! Or I’ll ask for involvement in somethign and she’ll say she’s not interested in it, adn then I don’t ask her about somethign else and she’s all upset.
I’d say bring her to vendor appts- sample centerpieces, makeup/hair trials, etc. Maybe take her dress shopping, or work together on any wedding crafts?
Post # 7
I gave her the task of making the flower girl dresses. We’re doing an adults only wedding and only having flower girls (her grandkids) to keep the family peace. I figured she’d love this project, and I was right. Pretty sure she’s enjoying herself, although she’s been asking me a LOT of questions about it but frankly, I just don’t care about this detail at all.
She’s also offered to help but I’m honestly too big of a control freak to hand anything else over. Plus we dont have the most amazing relationship so keeping a distance between us is probably a good idea.
Post # 8
so far I plan everything myself. Future Mother-In-Law she would love to help if i ask her, but she won’t jump in if I didn’t ask.
so far I only show her my ideas “HOW I WANT IT DONE” and she has comments, mostly good, and maybe some suggestions to tweak it a little bit.
For my mom, I usually go through with her during my idea process. For my Future Mother-In-Law, usually after my idea is formed. I guess you can say I am biase on my mom’s opinions. But hey, Future Mother-In-Law had her chance with her daughter’s wedding, now it’s my mom’s chance 🙂
Post # 9
She helped me scout out venues and tour them, she asked a ton of great questions I hadn’t though of too! Future Mother-In-Law & Future Father-In-Law have offered to cover the bar tab, which is incredibly generous of them. We weren’t expecting any financial help at all, so it’s been a blessing! She also is helping with the flowers, but she loves to garden and is a lot more knowledgable about all things floral than I am. Also, FMIL’s friend referred us her dj from her son’s wedding.
Post # 10
I feel so lucky because both of my FMILs are so hands off! My father’s biological mother (and who is very close to) just wants us to be happy and has offered to pay for our videographer. My FI’s step mother basically just asks that we be happy and that if there is anything for her to do then ask away!
Back to your question, why don’t you ask her to help you with something simple like invitations and then have her help stuff them or address them!
Post # 11
Neither of us are crafty people. She doesn’t bake. She can’t offer to pay for anything because she doesn’t have two pennies to rub together..
I feel like I have already done things for her! We aren’t getting married in the Catholic Church, because she is a Jehovah’s Witness and she felt uncomfortable going to a wedding in a church. That was HUGE for me to let go of. I have always dreamt of getting married in my church (the same church where my parents got married!)
Her vision of the wedding is so much different from mine. She doesn’t seem to think that I’m doing anything in a traditional way and seems disappointed about it. Where as I think I’m being a pretty traditional bride..
I asked if I could go dress shopping with her, and she was offended. She thinks I don’t trust her taste and want to keep an eye on her… (which I guess I kind of do, but I didn’t tell her that!)
Post # 12
Well, out of the blue she offered to fold 1000 paper cranes for us. Which is kind of insane but super generous. Fortunately Fi and I both think this is awesome and are dreaming up the best ways to incorporate them into the reception. Honestly, it also takes a little pressure off of me- not that this is something that needed to be done, but now she is doing something substantial so I don’t feel as guilty planning stuff mostly with my mother. Not sure this helps your situation though- good luck!
Post # 13
HA! Future Mother-In-Law tried to pull this one on me too. BUT she was trying to run the show. That was not going to happen so I told her thanks but no thanks to her help. She is basically getting the invatations from India, favors and a Indian Wedding dress for me to wear to the receptions.
You could try to ask he about her dress. What she would like to wear? Or have her make a play list or the songs she would have to dance the mother son dance. If you are having floral centerpieces you could ask her what flowers she likes or which flowers would look good with the centerpiece you want.
Post # 14
Mine isn’t doing anything but she hasn’t complained about it, so I’m not complaining!
Post # 15
she should be planning the rehearsal dinner, right?