- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I would personally never have a child after 35.
I would personally never have a child after 35.
Personally i think the ideal age to have kids is between 25-35, of course it does depend on many other factors but this is my opinion of ideal.
I think whenever your first thought is what you want rather than what would be best for a child then it’s selfish. Whether that means getting pregnant at 17 or at 47. People do live longer now, but the idea of a high school kid having parents who are in their 60’s, possibly having to deal with end of life decisions when they are in their early 20’s/in college, it’s all a little morbid to me.
Basically my opinion is when it comes to having children late, if you get pregnant naturally great. If you can’t get pregnant naturally you’ve got to weigh the risks and the cons–danger to mother and child, possible health problems, costs, psycholgical pressure/anxiety involved in the process, issues with age disparity later on,etc–against the blessing of a biological child. Personally I think adoption is a better option, but I know some people have a hard time with that.
I think it’s one thing to push a stroller at 45, and another to have daily arguments with a teenager when you are close to your 60s, to help finance someone’s college education at your retirement age.
When you think about children, don’t just think about how cute they would look those onesies. Think about whether you feel you can be responsible for another person for the next 18+ years.
@moderndaisy: i checked “42+” as too old but I feel like if you are able to have a child, love that child, and provide a good life for that child, than that is by far and away the most important factor. If you have a baby too young, than it’s “irresponsible” and if you wait until your too old, then it’s “selfish.” You can’t win either way!
That said, I don’t think it’s selfish to wait until you’re ready for kids. But I think waiting until your very late 30s or 40s to start trying to have a baby is a little deluded. I think it gets a little warped when you read so many “Baby after 40!” celeb stories in US Magazine or People. If you’re in your 30s, then you have to at least acknowledge the realities of fertility as you get older.
People should have kids when they’re ready. If you have a child at 16, you have one set of issues, but if you have a child at 46, there’s a whole different set of issues. I think parents need to think through what’s best for both themselves and their potential child whenever they are trying to have one.
I’m not sure how old will end up being too old for us, though. We’re planning to start TTC in about 3-4 years at 27-28, with plans to have our last baby in our early 30’s. I don’t think we would go the route of IVF or fertility treatments if we couldn’t have a baby. We would likely adopt or just not have kids at all.
I think it’s all relative. I will be turning 37 in a few months and I don’t think that’s too old to have a child… but neither of us want any – mostly because we don’t want our lifestyle to change. Fast forward 8-10-ish years and I think that would be too old for me to have a child (45-50) (assuming my eggs were still in order!!). I look at this more from a life expectancy standpoint.
My parents had me when they were 41 and 46. My father (the older one) ended up passing away at 51 (stupid cancer). I swore that I would never be an older mom because of it. It’s not that my mom wasn’t able to do what the other mom’s could – she was more strict, and old-fashioned in many ways. I turned out pretty damn good (thanks to her old fashioned ways), so even though I resented them at the time – I think it ended up just fine.
What’s difficult NOW (as she just turned 79) is to watch her age, and deal with those issues now, where my other friends still have youngish parents who don’t have real health issues yet. Granted, this is relative. My BIL’s mom just turned 80 and she’s way younger seeming in all aspects, compared to my mom.
I will only answer for me personally, but I would say late 30’s would be my limit. This coming from a person who had her 1st baby at 26 and 2nd baby at 34. I’ve told my husband IF (big if) there is to be a 3rd it has to happen really soon. Because I know what its like to have one in my mid 20’s and one in my mid 30’s and it is A LOT harder as I’m older now. I can’t imagine waiting much longer. But again, that is just me.
Personally, I would not readily consider having babies over the age of 30; over 35 I wouldn’t dream of it. Why? The health risks are just too much for me to gamble on personally.
However, when it comes to other women having children I suppose I draw the line around 40+; just because helth risks increase after 30 and exponentially after 35 doesn’t mean that women cannot have [are incapable of] healthy pregnancies and babies. As long as the women are emotionally and financially capable to raise these children & are doing everything in their power to ensure it is a healthy pregnancy, then my opinion is pretty moot.
I live in DC, where older parents are pretty common, and women on both DH and I’s moms’ sides have super long fertility windows. So I know a whole lot of people who became parents at 37+ and they are excellent parents.
My mom had me at 25. I love my mom but I also think she personally could have benefited from a few more years of adulthood before becoming a parent.
ETA: Basically, I think it is about the effort and love a person gives their child, not their age. I didn’t vote.
I would never judge someone about this. Especially not a stranger I saw on the street. Can we presume to know what personal circumstances led to the decision to have a baby later in life? No way, no more than we can judge people who have babies early in life, or thse who don’t have babies at all.
As for the question, I don’t know if I’ll deem it selfish. If you are asking for my first reaction, when I see a lady who is in her 50’s with a kid, my eyebrows could shoot up a little. Just a little, it is NYC, a lot of things don’t faze us at all least of all an older pregnant lady. Not that I’ve ever seen one. However, if one were to sit and ruminate on it, everyone has a story. I know some ladies that had over a decade of infertility treatments and got pregnant at 40 or 43 etc. If one didn’t know their story, one could judge. So anyhow, I don’t know if I’d say selfish but for me personally, I’d hope to be done at 40 🙂 And I didn’t vote.
Your poll doesn’t even give me the option to answer. I’m more of the until you’re 50 or over, it’s all alright. Times change.
Personally, I don’t want to be worried about retiring at the same time I’m helping my child select a college, so I picked 40-42. And I took the question as more along the lines of “starting to have a family”. I want to be around to see my grandbabies, and I know that if I waited to have my own babies until I was 40, the odds of me seeing that happen (and me being healthy enough to enjoy my grandbabies) would be significantly lower.
Overall, I’m against people telling me when I’m too young, or too old to have kids, so I try not to do that to others. But I will confess to seeing older moms and thinking (to myself) “wow – that must be exhausting”
I have a hard time making generalizations like this. I will say, however, that I highly doubt women in their 30’s and 40’s are making the decision to have children on a whim. Many women have dreamed of having children for a long time but had to postpone for some reason (career, finances, fertility, meeting their partners later in life, etc…). Also, doctors are required to counsel any women who falls into a high risk category of the possible risks of her pregnancy. The women in these age groups (and their doctors) are completely aware of their elevated risks and are likely taking precautions against possible negative outcomes.
ETA: Personally, I would try to have a family up until my doctor advised me against it or my own health became an issue. I was lucky in that I didn’t have to postpone having children (or have any difficulties in getting/staying pregnant), but I always knew I wanted to be a mother.
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