Post # 62
Being 41, I don’t think its never to old to be a mother. I know of several women who have had kids in their 40’s assisted and naturally and it was the right decision for them as it is for me. Yes, I would’ve liked to have children in my mid 30s, but unfortunately my DH didn’t come into my life until my 40th bday. And yes, I could’ve gone the single mother route but motherhood wasn’t as high on the list as having a loving DH. But to be honest, I wasn’t ready. Now that I’m married and settled, I’m excited to start this next chapter of my life.
My grandmother who is 92 had my mother @ 31 which was “old” in her day. My maternal grandmother’s mother had her last child @ 44. My paternal grandmother had her last child @ 40. In my family its not unusual to be an older mother. But I’m not unique since I have a # of friends and colleagues who mothers were blessed w/ children in their 40s.
Like every parent, I want to be on this Earth as long as possible. Hopefully I will live well in my 80’s to see my granchildren but not, I know DH and I did a DAMN good job and my Village will be there to help.
Post # 63
For me, personally, I always said I would have my kids between 30-35. I didn’t even want to try until I was 30. (I’ll be 24, best laid plans, huh?) I see nothing wrong with pregnancy in that age. That being said, personally I would not want a baby after 40. I always had parents older than my friends parents and I do remember feeling a little weird about it. As I got older, I was grateful for my parents more old-fashioned ways of child-rearing.
But, just as I would never pass judgement on a woman for having an abortion or choosing to adopt, I would never judge someone for choosing to be an older mom.
Although, if you have to be hormonally pulled out of menopause like the lady in the article…. eh, that’s probably nature telling you no.
Post # 64
Yes, just like you were. And in doing so I thought I was very clearly demonstrting that situations are unique and sweeping generalisations are unhelpful. For example, you said:
How can you compare a teenager to an adult? Most teenagers are selfish regardless as they still don’t know what real life really is yet. So although I can agree that a teenager having a baby can be selfish, they know much less than an adult who is doing the same exact thing! An adult should know better!
So if a 19 year old has a baby she is probably selfish because she is a teenager and thus didn’t know better but of a 20 year old has a baby she is an adult so she knows better for sure?
And then you said:
And as far as “Some children would rather have parents who can pay for their educations and take them on fancy vacations, some would rather have parents who can play baseball with the. Who knows?” that has absolutely NOTHING to do with a parent’s age….and EVERYTHING to do with child rearing.
I am confused by what you are saying here. What does one’s child rearing philosophy have to do with whether they have spent enough time in the workforce to acquire the necessary income to fund multiple educations and fancy vacactions? What does child rearing have to do with whether you are physically fit enough to play baseball with your kids?
Usually, (exceptions for trust fund babies) older parents are more financially successful. This isn’t always the case, but it often is. All I am telling you is that some children value that more than playing catch with their parents. Neither is better IMO, hence I believe that we shouldn’t generalise.
Post # 65
Both my grandmothers gave birth to children in their late 30s (my mum was born when my grandma was 39 and my granny was 37) and my aunt gave birth to my cousin when she was 41 (he was sort of a surprise).
I think as long as you can conceive then why not? I’m not mad on post-menopause IVF babies, but otherwise go for it!
Post # 66
I wish there had been another poll option for 50+, although it still feels wrong to judge anyone. I’m against post-menopausal birth, but there are plenty of reasons why a woman might not start a family until her 40s.
Sure, I want to have my first child before 35, but I can’t assume that will happen. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 26 and he wasn’t ready to propose until I was 30. I didn’t want to start a family before I was 1) married and 2) a homeowner. We bought our home earlier this year and we’ve been married a little more than a year.
Whether or not I’m a “young” mother or a “young” grandmother has nothing to do with my age. My own grandmother thought she was too old when she had her last child at 33 and she acted much more elderly in her 50s than my own mother at 60. You’re as young as you feel.
Post # 67
I really don’t know. Of course, it varies for every family what’s right FOR THEM, but based purely on the risk to the baby (in terms of congenital abnormalities), over 30 is too late for me. But I know that for a lot of people that’s way too early (ex. in school, got married later, etc.).
Post # 68
my personal opinion is either when you are in your mid 40’s or when your body shuts up shop your child birthing used by date has passed
meaning women over 40yrs who have been through menopause and have to use drugs and donor eggs to conceive
Post # 69
Interesting article, but at the end of the day your age is your age, there should be no denial about that. I hope I look that good at 57, too. I posted that because the earlier posts mentioned something about being mistaken for “Grandma” instead of Mom if you have a child in your 30’s or 40’s.
And to touch on the article again. If you are 40 and look like you’re 30, I wouldn’t think that I would be immune to fertility problems because I “looked” younger. There is no face or specific age to those problems. Yes, you may have more fertility problems when you’re an older woman TTC, but there are younger women with these problems, too.
Post # 70
This is really up to the woman and her doctors. I see those fancy bougie milfy ladies with their in vitro and their double strollers, and you know what? Those kids are obviously very, very wanted and well-provided for. Could be worse. I figure life’s too short to get all bothered about other people’s uteruses (uteri? uterpodes?).
Post # 72
Off-topic, but I think I love you for trying out “uterpodes.” And I wish I said bougie more often. Maybe I just don’t know many members of the bourgeois.
Post # 73
im with you on this one! keep my mouth shut!!
Post # 74
I can say for ME id be done having kids if my Fiance didnt want his own so bad. Pregnancy is HARD on your body. HARD! im 31 and I will get off birth control may 30 for our wedding in june. Lets say 35 would be too “old” for ME to “try” to have a kid
Post # 75
My mum had me at 36 and my brother at 40 (both naturally, with zero intervention). Most of my friend’s parents had them significantly younger eg mid 20s. My parents however have a more active/busy life than most of my friend’s parents, and, if I’m honest, sometimes even more than me and some of my friends! (I’m 25). They both still work full-time, they regularly attend social events, as well as hosting parties (the most recent was for 90 guests) and they go abroad at least 3 times a year. So I don’t think age is everything in all honesty; there is something to be said for only being as old as you feel.
I also think that in the case of parents in their late 30s/early 40s, there can be several positives; they will have more life experience compared to someone in their 20s in most cases, they may be more secure financially, and in a more committed and stable relationship (my parents had been married 14 years already when they had me). They may be more mature and have already ‘lived’, and I think those can be very good qualities (NB: I am not saying younger parents don’t have these qualities, or that all older parents do, as obviously it depends on the individual).
With life expectancy what it is, I also don’t regard that as an argument against having children in your late 30s/early 40s.
I do however have reservations about people having children past their natural childbearing age (ie post menopause). This is just my opinion, but I do see it as interfering to much with nature for my personal liking. I don’t think having children is a right, and so it doesn’t sit well with me that some women wait until they’re 50 before having children; life is about compromise and I don’t think you can always have anything. I would also be concerned about people having children very late in life (ie 50 plus), as while life expectancy is much greater these days, realistically at 70 you’re getting on a bit, yet you might have a child who still depends on you (eg is studying still), and I do think that’s unfair on the child.
Post # 76
I love it when you stop in and sprinkle a thread with your awesomeness:)