(Closed) What is your opinion on how old is too old?

posted 8 years ago in Babies
  • poll: How old is too old?
    28-30 : (1 votes)
    0 %
    31-33 : (7 votes)
    3 %
    34-36 : (15 votes)
    6 %
    37-40 : (65 votes)
    26 %
    40-42 : (75 votes)
    30 %
    42+ : (91 votes)
    36 %
  • Post # 92
    Member
    679 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    @missmouse29:

    Great plan, if everyone could actually meet the person they wish to spend their life with and have children with before they are 30.  Unfortunately, not everyone is that fortunate. 

    Post # 93
    Member
    929 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    This is probably going to ruffle a few feathers, please bear in mind this is MY OPINION moulded by MY EXPERIENCES – I’m not trying to push this on anyone at all. 

    Up until 3 years ago, I would have said let ladies get pregnant as long as it is scientifically possible!  Pre-peri-or-post-menopause, if you can get that egg cracked then go for it!

    Then, I got a teaching job at a super exclusive private high school in a richie rich part of town, we’re talking upwards of $30000 a year tuition, and another $30000 a year for boarding.  Parents of the kids at my school are, by and large, VERY RICH and definitely older than the average.  Kids are more like status symbols to these parents than an extension on their families.  The more kids they have and the older they are when their kids is seen as indicative of their wealth (the queen bee mum of the school has 6 kids – 3 sets of twins – kindergarten, grade 3 and grade 8 – she’s 53).  

    I’m not saying this is the case for all older parents of children, but i’ve noticed alot of problems with these kids, and alot of neglect on behalf of the parents (not neglect as in they are poorly cared for – but instead of being parents they board they children, pay psychologists, coaches and teachers to do their job).  

    I’ve changed my mind on when i want to have kids and moved my timeline way up beacause of what I’ve seen – even though i trust myself to be a good parent, i think going a long while without kids and with lots of money (not that i’ll have money myself!!) is not the best thing for the eventual kids.  

    Sorry for the ramble.  My coworker and i are working on a research paper about this for our Master’s degree and its really fascinating! 

    Post # 94
    Member
    7369 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I posted this on another forum because this subject came up based on that NYMagzine article.

    My & FH both think that the act of having a child is inherently selfish regardless of the parents age. People have kids for all kind of reasons status, love, loneliness, companionship or because society makes you feel like your defective if you don’t experience the joys of parenthood.

    Everyone has to find the path that makes them feel fulfilled. No matter what age you are raising kids there are challenges, more so when you older perhaps but its not an insurmountable obstacle. Ideally, would I have liked to have had kids earlier, probably, but sorry life got in the way. So it isn’t going to happen for us till we are both 40+. As long as my Dr. tells me it fine we are gonna go for it. People are having health issues and facing mortality at earlier ages it seems. More frequently you hear about people in their late 20’s and 30s from cancer or strokes (etc). Violence randomly takes the lives of so many . So tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us. We are all here because of the grace of a higher power.

    I’m more concerned with people who truly want to be emotionally connected and engaged with their children, rather than if they are on the plus side of 40.

     

    Post # 95
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    i wish there was an “other” or “none” option. i honestly don’t think i could ever say what is too old for another woman/family to have a baby. if you can safely conceive and have a healthy baby, more power to you. 

    Post # 96
    Member
    10713 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I told my Fiance if we don’t get pregnant by the time I’m 29 we’re done trying. I don’t want to have a child in my 30’s for health issues with myself and the baby. I also don’t want to be almost 50 when our child graduates. Just a personal choice of course but my Fiance agrees and I love that I have enough energy to keep up with my super active nearly 7 year old! =) I hope I still have that energy with my next baby.

    Post # 97
    Member
    3363 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    For those of you saying you would never have a kid in your 30’s, I want to point something out.  Remember when you were a teenager and 25 felt SO DAMN OLD?  Well, if you are in your early 20’s now, it may seem like 30 is “too old” to have a kid.  Once you are in your 30’s you will probably look at the age differently regardless of when you have your children. 

    There are many many many people over 30 having prefectly healthy pregnancies and babies.  The only difference about turning 35 (NOT 30, 31, 32, 33, or 34) is a few extra tests to determine your risk of things like Downs Syndrome.  However, those chances are NOT THAT HIGH.  Higher than a younger person’s, but still low overall.

    I agree 100% with every person on here who said that it is absolutely no one’s business but the person having the baby.  There are many life circumstances that may make it impossible to have children when you want them, and to be ignorant and judgemental is just ridiculous and shows immaturity.

     

     

    Post # 98
    Member
    7776 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @mwitter80: I’m sorry, but you post ruffled my feathers a bit. YOUR SISTER is not financially stable in her early 20s. Don’t generalize all young parents as being on states assistance, welfare, food stamps, living paycheck to paycheck. That’s not true. Darling Husband and I will be 24 when this child is born and were are perfectly financially stable, have money in savings, live a comfortable life, Darling Husband has a stable job, etc. We can and will be able to provide for our child. Being finanacially stable is the same at 30 as it is at 24.

    Post # 99
    Member
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Unless you have legitimate reasons for waiting until you are 40+ to have a child (like seriously debilitating financial reasons, health reasons, not yet having a partner, or other similar reasons), I think it’s pretty selfish to wait til you’re 40+ to have a child. One of the biggest reasons for my opinion is that most of the time you CAN’T have a child without fertility treatment after 40. So if you just waited because you wanted to keep partying until you were 40 to have kids, and the result is hundreds of thousands of dollars spent creating a baby, I think that’s pretty selfish.

    I also think it’s unfair to the baby.  A 40-year-old woman doesn’t have the energy of a 20-something woman.  It must be so hard to raise a child at that age!  Plus, if you have a child at 42, then you will be 60 when they go to college!  You might not even live to meet your own grandchildren!  My mom had me at 36 and I think even that was a little too old.  It has always saddened me how much older my mom is than my friends’ mom’s 🙁

    Post # 100
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I use to work at a large baby store and I NEVER commented on a child who had older parents. If I wasn’t sure if they were the parents or the grandparents then I kept my mouth shut.

    Post # 101
    Member
    2410 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @futureMrs.L:

    I’m pretty sure I was very clear in my comment that I think situations are often unique, and the mass generalisations need not apply.

    As for the child rearing comment, I meant that child rearing comes into play if a child prefers the “materialistic” aspects of life vs the ‘quality” time of a parent.  Its like a child who would prefer some cash to hang out with friends at the mall than to participate in “family night” or something.  This is what I meant…. whereas I think you meant it as a child may prefer older parents if they can financially provide for them than a young parent who can run laps around a field with them.  In your scenario, you are assuming that older folks are more financially secure which is not always the case either.  I gave a specific case in regards to that as well.

    I guess we can just agree to disagree =)  I doubt any of the bees who basically said “any age is ok” would high five their 65 year old grandmother who just announced their pregnancy.  

    Quality time spent with parents has nothing to do with how old they are right? All I am saying is that not everything is about athletics. I am not assuming anything in my scenario, all I am saying is that people and children are all different and we all value differemt things. I don’t think that a child who prefers a vacation to Peru to going hiking in the mountains is more materialistic, they are just different.

    I know that age is no gurantee of financial stability, but as I mentioned in my previous post, it is a lot more likely (trust funds excepting) that this will be the case.

     

    Post # 102
    Member
    1363 posts
    Bumble bee

    Don’t go assuming about twins! The first thought I had when I read this was who is the oldest parents I know personally? And then I thought of a couple who got married around 40, had kids right away and ta-da, twins! And they were totally naturally conceived twins. And no, they don’t seem even a tiny bit old now that they are mid-40s with tiny kids.

    Post # 103
    Member
    5496 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @VickyAurea: The older the woman, the more likely she will have twins. (Naturally, I mean) This is because even though older women (older maternally of course) have less eggs, they are more likely to release two during a cycle! 🙂

     

    Post # 104
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    What an interesting subject. I am 27 and probably wont be ready until 29 at the earliest.

    I’m also coming from a different perspective….My mom had me when she was 37 and my dad was 45. Back in 1983 that was UNHEARD of where I live. It was kind of annoying having parents that were at least 10 years older than everyones elses. On the other hand, I get to enjoy more time with them now because they are both retired.

    Post # 105
    Member
    1077 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Not being able to provide for your child (emotionally, educationally, financially, etc.) is a serious complication too.  If you’re not ready for that until you’re older, eff anyone that says you need to do it sooner or not have kids.  I know too many good older moms and bad younger moms to believe that the an increased risk of health complications is the only important factor.

    If you want to really reduce the risk of bringing another Down’s baby into the world, adopt, regardless of your age.

    I didn’t vote in the poll because I know many good moms who had babies over 42.  It’s not for me to say that they were too old.

    Post # 106
    Member
    1363 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Jenn23: Oh right, that’s interesting. Her mum was a twin though anyway so we always just put it down to the genes, not the age factor.

    The topic ‘What is your opinion on how old is too old?’ is closed to new replies.

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