Post # 107
@VickyAurea: Yep, heredity of course plays a part, too. But it could just be age-related:
[BioNews, London] Dutch researchers have discovered why women are more likely to conceive non-identical twins as they get older. Their findings, published early online in the journal Human Reproduction, show that as women age, rising levels of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) can push their ovaries into ‘overdrive’. This increases the chances of two eggs being released in the same monthly cycle, making non-identical twin pregnancies more likely. The study authors, who are based at Vrije University Medical Centre in Amsterdam, say that about half the recent rise in multiple births in Holland is down to naturally-conceived multiple pregnancies.
Post # 108
@bklynbridetobe: I totally agree here with your opinion that having kids at any age is inherently selfish. Absolutely!
From my perspective, I’ve always wanted kids way back to when I was a teenager. It just took me until my mid-thirties to find my life partner and we started trying to conceive after our wedding. I will be 38 in February. There is a cut-off for when my husband and I will stop trying, but that is our personal decision. I wouldn’t consider my choice to try and have children now selfish, I call it responsible. I’m not calling young mothers irresponsible and I certainly do not feel older mothers are selfish. I’ve seen selfish, and it comes in every age.
Furthermore, I have a close relative who got pregnant at 44 by mistake, after years and years of not being able to conceive. Was it selfish of her to have her son? Would it have been unselfish of her to have aborted her pregnancy? That makes no sense to me.
Post # 110
My Mom was 42 when she became pregnant with me. She seriously thought she was in menopause when she stopped having periods. Stranger still, my brother and sisters are 22, 20, and 17 years older than me. I have a neice who is 3 years older than me and I became a Great-Aunt at the ripe old age of 17!
Post # 111
I don’t think you went up high enough. I think I’d really start questioning at 45. I had my daughter at 38 and if anything I think it has given her a stable home with financially secure parents. If I’d had her anytime earlier I might not have been able to be as effective in my job as momma.
Post # 112
My aunt was in her 40’s when she had her last baby. She didn’t mean to get pregnant but she did & now has a happy 3 year old.
Most people in the south where I am from have their babies early on. But as long as the woman is heathly why not at 40 something?
My husband & I want to have our first baby in our 20’s which we are already in our 20’s. So we plan to start trying maybe sometime early next year. If we hold off it will be within the next two years. But if we wanted another at 40 (which we wouldn’t, we would want to enjoy each others company traveling like we plan to do at that age) I would see nothing wrong with it.
Post # 113
@Oribel013690: I just want to ask, how is it more selfish of a woman in her 40’s to conceive and have a baby than a younger woman? I see nothing different about the two groups. For example, the young woman may still need fertility treatment. Further, fertility is rarely covered by insurance (and certainly not public insurance), so it’s not like the taxpayer is paying for older moms.
Also, about women in their 40’s not having the energy to chase a toddler… Are you sure about that? I’m now 40 years old and have no issues keeping up with my 16 month old. If anything I’m in better shape than I have been in a long time because I want to stay healthy and active for my child… so I’m running now and working out in addition to working WAY more than 40 hours a week.
I’m sorry you had a bad experience with your upbringing, but because of my financial and social position now, our daughter will be doing way more and experiencing way more than if she was born to me 15 years ago! I guess what I’m saying is that please don’t assume a universal truth based on an antecdotal experience 🙂
Post # 114
I personally want to be done by 35 BUT
I’ve read about a pretty known lady that gave birth WAY past her “child-bearing” years and it seemed to go just fine. So I think that whenever a child comes, a child comes… and that can be WAY later than we ever thought, and it still be just fine =)
Post # 115
I chose 42+ simply because I’m unable to judge somone’s decision to have a child based at an “older age”. I’m 34 turning 35 this upcoming December. When I was a young girl, back in my teenage years…I always dreamed of being married with children by the time I was 25. I had unfortnately got sick at 19 and went through a series of pain and then later recovery. I was still able to complete college and begin work by the age of 24. I only had a two serious boyfriends, dated late due to shyness and finally I met the love of my life at 29. I was so ready to get married within 2 years of our meeting but the economy took a turn and dear hubby lost his job and couldn’t find work for almost 3 years. He finally proposed to me when i was 32 and we had a long engagment and just got married two months ago. Now, I’ve been ready for children since I was 25 but didn’t have the right person yet until 29. Is it fair to think now at almost 35 I am deemed to be too old to become a mother. It was not my initial intentions but now I would love to have 2 children hopefully before I’m 40. I’m still trying to get my hubby to agree to begin trying but that’s another story….
Post # 116
@Mrs. DG: I think you’re like the “poster child” for having a child in this age group. 🙂 Ceci is so lucky to have such a great momma!
Other people have chimed in that they didn’t like having older parents, but my parents didn’t start having kids until their 30’s, and my youngest sister was born when my mom was 40. I never felt like I missed out by having older parents, and if anything, my parents were way more involved in our lives than my friends’ parents. They were our soccer and baseball coaches, our girl scouts leaders (my dad was even the regional “cookie mom” for a number of years!), attended all of our sports games and performances, and were super involved in our schools (student council director, volunteers in the reading room, served on the school board, etc..). Imo, my friends’ parents, who were much younger, didn’t have the time or opportunities to be involved/volunteer like my parents did because they had to be more focused on their careers/jobs. My parents were more stable in ther careers and, therefore, had a lot more freedom in their work hours/commitments to be available to us when we needed them.
My parents are now in their mid-60’s, and their health is still great. My parents love chasing my toddler around, and they have tons of energy to spend with us out doing things. I have no doubts they’ll be around long enough to see my kids grow up; after all, my grandpa lived until he was 91! My family tends to stick around for a while, lol.
Post # 117
This is an interesting thread.
If we are talking about me personally, I would quit trying to conceive between 38-40. If we are talk about others, I would only EVER think this (never say it aloud) but around 45 is when I would start thinking they were too old.
If we are talking about adopting, I would never think a thing about any age. Is that odd?
Post # 118
I totally agree with PPs that it’s not really any of my business. As long as mom and baby are healthy and happy that is all that matters.
However, Fiance is the youngest of 5 kids and until I met him I never really thought about being an older parent seeing as my parents are fairly young. My parents are in their early 50s while his are in their early 70s. His oldest brother is my mom’s age!
I see how worried he is for his parents’ health and I don’t know that I would want to put my future children through that. Yes, people get sick at any age but to me there is something odd about taking care of your elderly parents when you haven’t even had a chance to have your own children.
I’m also sad that once we eventually do have kids that they won’t be able to get to know FI’s parents like they will mine. I have a very strong relationship with my still living grandparents and I just can’t imagine not having grown up without them! Fiance on the other hand never knew his grandparents, they had all passed when he was very young.
Ideally, I would get pregnant tomorrow but luckily I am still young enough that I have a few more years until my own ‘must start by’ date.
Post # 119
There is no right answer on when is too old. I think first and foremost you should consult with a physician. A lot of women that are younger have self caused predisposition to high risk pregnancies. I feel that as long as any child is loved and properly cared for age shouldn’t be a factor.You can’t generalize on this topic, my situation for example: My mom was 35 when she had me and my dad was 48. My parents were more active and “current” than all of my friends younger parents. My dad passed away when I was 15, I don’t feel like him being any younger when I was born could have changed the outcome of him passing. I’m not overly religious but I do believe everything happens for a reason , no child is a mistake.Our bodies naturally tell us when it’s time to stop have children(menopause) which on average is from 40-61.
Post # 120
I don’t really think that age is the defining factor in when it is a “bad idea” to have kids. It’s a bad idea to have kids if:
- You can’t even take care of yourself
- You have unhealthy lifestyle habits which will be present during and after birth
- You have an unstable home, and may not be able to take care of them
- You will fail as a parent because of disinterest, resentment, regret, ignorance, or disregard for your children and their care
Arguments about greater risk for birth defects? Not buying it. There are MANY factors that influence the risk for birth defects, and age is one of them, but not the highest risk like drug and alcohol abuse which can happen with mothers of any age.
If I saw a mom who had kids after 40 my thought would be “Good for her!” not “Shame on her.”
Post # 121
@Oribel013690: That whole argument that a 40yr old won’t have the energy to look after a baby/toddler is ridiculous. What kind of 40 yr olds do you know that they are that infirm that they can’t care for a child? I seem to be managing just fine, though I am not quite 40 yet. I am probably fitter than most 30 yr olds. Like Mrs DG I see it as part of my job as a Mom to stay fit and healthy and look after myself. Are obese Moms also selfish – they can’t be full of energy?