(Closed) What is your relationship dynamic regarding household chores?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How do you approach household chores?

    If we both contribute to the mess, we both help clean up.

    I begrudgingly do the majority of the chores

    I happily do the majority of the chores

    My SO/FI/DH/Partner begrudgingly does the majority of the chores

    My SO/FI/DH/Partner happily does the majority of the chores

    We hired a maid

    We still disagree on this and still need to figure out a solution

    Other (please explain below)

  • Post # 32
    Member
    10450 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    He does the outdoor stuff like mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, taking out the garbage/recycling. I mainly do inside stuff like laundry (actually I don’t think he’s ever done laundry) and dishes/kitchen. We share the bathroom cleaning. We are hiring a maid though to do the bathrooms/kitchen and give the whole house a once over at least monthly. Because I have cleaning the inside of the fridge and the showers so we’ll have her do it. 🙂 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    We split chores equally. The only thing we’ve ever had a discussion on is agreeing for him to do the garbage and the recyclables, and for me to do the laundry, as he hates laundry and I hate garbage. It works out for us!

    Post # 34
    Member
    2156 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @bmo88:  Fiance and I have recently gone through a “role” change.

    I’m in graduate school. Last year, I was going to classes full time and had a 20 hour per week practicum committment. Fiance worked full time; long hours from 7am to 5pm. So I was home more often than he was, therefore I did most of the chores, with the exception of mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage (to the curb), and picking up dog poop.

    Now, I’m working full time and Fiance is back in school and works only 15 hours a week. So since he is home more often, I expect him to do more chores- like I did when I was in his position. 

    This put a strain on our relationship for a few months. I think he was uncomfortable with the role transition. But he eventually came to realize that what I was asking him to do was not nearly as much as what I did last year. 

    So now I do the laundry, clean the bathroom, and vacuum. Fiance does the dishes, picks up poop, and takes the garbage out (to the curb). So we’re pretty even now and it seems to work well!

    Post # 35
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I do the majority. Sometimes begrudgingly. Sometimes happily. It’s something we’re still working on I guess. We have different ideas of what “clean” is and I am naturally neater so i think I do more because I just notice more. I know he’s not intentionally not helping, he just needs a little encouragement :p. We used to be better–I’d clean surfaces/cook and he’d do floors without asking. 

    Now we’ve fallen out because he gets stressed with work and I don’t want to have a talk everyday about it. He takes trash out when I ask him and I do 90% of the cooking/cleaning. I enjoy doing the grocery shopping and taking care of our dog–baths/food/water/vet visits. I get mad when he doesn’t notice her food/water is empty though! Both do our own laundry. I’ve always jokingly said once I start doing his I’ll do it for the rest of my life so no thanks!  I’ll have to make a chore schedule once we have a house because I think I’ll be overwhelmed doing mostly everything in a bigger space, but apartments are small so it’s not worth freaking out over yet. We used to have “roommate agreements” detailing chores with our roommates in college so I know he’ll be up for it. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    9680 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Maid. It’s not worth worrying about or spending time on. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I happily do most of the chores. Fiance is the breadwinner and I’m a student, so I feel like cleaning up is the least I can do. This is 100% initiated by me, though…he always makes an effort to pitch in and sometimes I have to smack his arm and say “hey! Put down those dirty dishes!” 😉

    Post # 38
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @bmo88:  Currently, DH does more of the chores than I do, but that is only because I work outside of the home.  A couple of years ago, when I was not working full-time, I did most of the chores. Now, DH works from home and is usually folding laundry or sweeping the floor while on a conference call.  Chores are done by the time I get home from work.  Since I do all of the cooking, DH does all of the kitchen clean-up.

    DH does not mind kitchen duty (he would rather not cook!) but he does occasionally gripe about how he always does laundry, or how he always vacuums.  I have told him that he does not need to do these things all of the time, but he has to be okay with me spending a half a day on the weekend “catching up” on chores (I am not good about doing a little each day). Because he would rather do “fun stuff” on the weekend, he spreads out the chores during the week.  

    ETA – I am responsible for all grocery shopping and taking care of the daily needs of the pets. I also handle all of the finances (pay bills, monitor investments etc.).  I feel like this arrangement works for us.  We also have a local teen that we pay to handle all yard work.

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee

    This subject is a bit frustrating for me lol.  I grew up in a household where my dad was pretty OCD about cleaning and things being in its place.  My mom and I weren’t super messy at all, but if we didn’t do it right then he said that he would do it.  That behavior has latched on to me since I’ve gotten older (however I am not nearly as bad as he is). My bf and I live together, and I let a lot of things slide (our apt is never “dirty” but things aren’t always in their right place) that I secretly wish I didn’t. Anyway, I always ask him to take some initiative in the cleaning, however he said that he just wants me to tell him what to do.  I am not his mother, and I don’t want to have to tell him.  Unfortunately this is the way he is and I doubt he will change. So I usually do half (or less than half) the chores and when I am done I tell him what I left for him to do. It is what it is lol, I wish it were different but it could certainly be a lot worse.  He could be a slob and refuse to do anything, so I try to look on the bright side haha.

    Post # 40
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2018

    I’m currently in the trenches of law school so my SO usually takes care of the day to day things around our house. But for some reason that is completely beyond me, he is completely oblivious to any mess in the bathroom so that usually falls to me to clean Wink

    Post # 41
    Member
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - Aloft Hotel

    Fiance works more than I do so I try to do a majority of the chores to balance things out. But I HATE dishes so he does those. I’m pretty inconsistent, though. Maybe once or twice a month I’ll get the cleaning bug and and take care of everything. More often than not though I’ll do laundry one day, nothing the next, clean our room another, decorate the next. Sometimes he gets the cleaning bug too. I’d be a horrible house wife haha.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1663 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I do all the inside chores and shopping, and DH does outside stuff. If I left any cleaning up to him it would never get done. His mom never taught him to clean after himself. Since I was little I’ve wanted to be a stay at home mom, so now DH works full time and I work weekends. During the week I take care if the house and the baby. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    1971 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I do most of the inside work. He does most of the outside work. We both keep the house very tiddy on a daily basis & we go grocery shopping together every Sunday! It works well for us. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    1953 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We need to figure out a proper solution, but mostly he does it.

    Post # 45
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee

    We hired someeone to do the cleaning. Whoever notices the laundry basket first does it.

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