(Closed) What is your SO's Primary Love Language?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What is your SO's Primary Love Language?
    Physical touch : (15 votes)
    30 %
    Acts of service : (16 votes)
    32 %
    Quality time : (13 votes)
    26 %
    Words of affirmation : (5 votes)
    10 %
    Gifts : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2134 posts
    Buzzing bee

    All of the above. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    539 posts
    Busy bee

    His: Quality of time, very closely followed by physical touch.

    Mine: physical touch, very closely followed by quality time.

    The other stuff doesn’t mean much to either of us. It’s very easy when you match so well! But birthdays and Xmases aren’t that exciting in our house…

    Post # 4
    Member
    1149 posts
    Bumble bee

    Acts of service among other things. It’s the little things I noticed. Fiance knows I’m groggy and grumpy when I wake up so when I sit down for breakfast in the morning he’ll brew me my hot water for tea, make sure I eat this or drink that. Fetch the utensils and whatnot so I don’t have to move.

    Post # 5
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    His: Quality Time, Physical touch, Acts of service 

    Mine: Quality time, acts of service,  physical touch

    In descending order

    Post # 6
    Member
    7765 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    His: words of affirmation

    Mine: quality time (I think)

    I read the 5 languages of love and took the quiz, but still wasn’t sure what my love language was. I feel like they are all important! The book tells you that if you’re not sure what your love language is, think about the things your partner does/doesn’t do that upset you the most. Well, my current partner speaks to me in just about all the languages–great with words, physical touch, quality time, and even pretty good with gifts. The only thing we really fight about is stuff like him not cleaning up after himself. So I thought ok my language must be acts of service.

    But then I thought back to my previous relationship. My ex also wasn’t the cleanest, but the most gutting thing about that relationship was that he never made time for me. Going out to dinner with him and actually having an engaging conversation was like a rare treat….lol.

    With Fiance it’s like night and day, we both love quality time and shower each other with it. However, we are very recently long distance, and at the moment we’re in different countries with a 7 hr time difference. It effing sucks. It’s not the first time we’ve been separated like this, but in the past Fiance has been visiting this other country to see his family and relax, so we’ve always managed to FaceTime a few times a day and text throughout the day. This time he’s there for an intense work project, and we haven’t had as much time to talk as we usually do. I found myself feeling really down the last few days, just feeling so disconnected from him and angsty. I felt like I was turning into this needy pathetic girlfriend trope! I talked to him about it and feel better now, but it’s still tough.

    So now I’m pretty sure that my love language actually is quality time. I just never really thought about it before cause Fiance has always been superb about making tons of time for me (and vice versa). Didn’t realize how much I needed it I guess until it was missing!

    Post # 7
    Member
    266 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    His: Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation

    Mine: Acts of Service

    Post # 8
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2017 - Friendship Plaza

    His: Acts of Service leads the pack by far, and then Physical Touch, with Words of Affirmation lingering after.

    Mine: Acts of Service and Physical Touch very close to each other, with Words of Affirmation.

    The important thing is also how you *perceive and receive* love. In other words, we both interpret love with the same languages as what the other demonstrates it with. I think that’s just as important.

    The funny thing is, when we were ‘courting’ (we met on Match and emailed several times back and forth before meeting), we talked exteeeeeensively about values, how we wanted to live, what we wished for in a relationship, what we learned from out past, and — love languages. We hashed out all that stuff far before we even learned each other’s interests. It wasn’t until the third date when he exclaimed, “.. Oh my gosh you’re a GEEK! YAAAAY. It keeps getting better!”. Lol.

    Post # 9
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    His is Quality Time, closely followed by Acts of Service.

    He doesn’t care much about gifts, although we do exchange thoughtful gifts on holidays. When he does give me gifts, his way of showing love through them is thoughtfully picking something out that I either said I wanted previously and he remembered, or something that is connected to our past as a couple or as friends.

    My Fiance also shows his love through Physical Touch, although I wouldn’t at all say that was his top way of showing love.

    Words of Affirmation would probably be near the bottom, just above Gifts (although he does give me thoughtful gifts, he only gives me gifts at all because I like the symbolism of giving meaningful gifts and so he gives me them only because he knows I like them). He’s not great with voicing his love. He didn’t even tell me he loved me until just after our year anniversary, because he takes those words very seriously and didn’t want to say them lightly. He’s not great at telling me how he feels in general, although when I tell him to say something nice about me he will, gladly. It’s just not something he generally thinks of saying. At first that made me feel bad, that he didn’t tell me he loved me or say how he felt about me or what he liked about me, but then I realized that’s just not him, and I began to see that he showed his love in other ways, and if I ever was feeling bad and wanted to hear him say it, all I had to do was ask!

    Post # 10
    Member
    539 posts
    Busy bee

    tiffanybruiser:  It can be hard to tell, can’t it? I wouldn’t get anywhere with the “what you get annoyed about” measure either, because we both always give each other plenty of the right kind of love and never had any reason to feel unsatisfied re our love languages, quality time and physical touch.

    The fact that I might get annoyed at him sometimes for not keeping the house as neat as I’d like has nothing to do with love. It’s just that I notice my surroundings and like them to be pretty, whereas I doubt he would notice if the walls sporadically changed colour…

    Post # 11
    Member
    7905 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    DH’s primary love language is physical touch. My primary love language is acts of service or quality time. Our least dominant love language for both of us is gifts. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Both of us have the same love languages, actually, and in the same order:

    Words of affirmation and quality time (equally important), acts of service, gifts, physical touch.

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