(Closed) What it’s costing me to be a BM (little rant)

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2765 posts
Sugar bee

$4-500 for three nights actually sounds really cheap to me!  You could spend that in one night in NYC… probably my whole sense of price has been thrown off!

Post # 4
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Have you tried Priceline?  You can bid on a star level and certain area and save tons of money.  I’ve saved as much as $175 a night on hotels!!

Post # 5
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ouch!  That is a lot of money.  If I were you, I’d probably get the less expensive, farther hotel.  Since you’re already renting a car, you may as well use it!  As long as the cost of gas doesn’t equal the amount you’d save at a cheaper hotel.  Are you sure the other girl isn’t going to come back around and want to split the cost?  Either way, you’re definitely a good friend for being willing to take this financial load! 

Post # 6
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Ouch! I will say that unless I’m local for a wedding (which I never have been) I end up spending at least $1,000 whenever I’m a Bridesmaid or Best Man. That might not be normal, but i have never been able to find a way around it, everything adds up! Oh, and I include the cost of presents for the shower and wedding in that $1,000. So it’s usually:

Travel expenses: $50-400 (driving or flying)

Hotel: $150-$500 (depending on the rate and how long I stay)

Attire: $200-$400

Presents: $200

Bach Party: $200 (food, drinks, games, misc.)

Shower: $60 (decor, invitations, etc.)

Hair/makeup: $50-$200 (I always try to avoid getting it done, but the bride is always insisting on it)

Is there anyone else you can stay with who will actually respond to you? Are you bringing a date that maybe you can split the room/gift with? Otherwise, you can always tell teh Bride you have to show up late b/c you can’t afford the hotel & bach party..


Post # 7
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I second Shaema’s suggestion of Priceline and sometimes Hotwire works great too!

Post # 8
1565 posts
Bumble bee

Seriously that doesn’t sound bad at all, but I think that’s just the NYC effect for me as well. There has to be someone you could share a room with, or even a couple of people – I would ask the bride to help with finding someone. 

Post # 9
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Sounds like a lot of money to me…and I’m FROM california. Honestly, it’s a lot of money either way, no matter what it’s actually for.

What about going in on rooms with the other bridesmaids?

honestly, i’d shoot your friend an email and see if you can stay with one of her bridesmaids or with HER! HECK! Why can’t you stay with her? When I had my Bridesmaid or Best Man in town from California she stayed at my house. She’d already spend so much ($600 in june!) on airfare ya know? And i don’t get to see her very often, i really wanted her around my house! When i was unavailable one day doing stuff with Darling Husband, my Maid/Matron of Honor took her around StL and showed her around.

Post # 10
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

It sounds like your friend has already been trying to keep your costs down and I’d say most brides realize just because they are dropping a lot of money on their wedding, the participants may not want to or have the means to. I am sure she will totally understand if you could not afford to stay in the expensive hotel. I know you would like to be close to the action, but I’d only “bite the bullet” if you truly think you can live without that grand. I don’t want any of my wedding party being to put off by the expenses and I’ve let every single one of them know if it is something they cannot manage, we will understand. I think you are being a good friend and you should on take on what you can. You being there is probably what matters most to her.

Post # 11
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

yeah, i’m with Moderndaisy – those numbers sound pretty right.

My suggestion would be to book where everyone else is.  It’s a pain in the a$$ to have to cart yourself around separately. In addition, you dont know – she could have transportation set between that particular hotel and other events.

Perhaps you could sign up for everything the hotel offers. Example – if it’s a Hilton, sign up to receive Hilton rewards points.  My husband travels so much for work (and we do a lot in our private lives) that we get free stays a lot of times. They really add up.

Post # 12
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think the big question here is, will this cost (assuming you’re NOT sharing a room) make or break the bank for you?

Honestly, I would NEVER have asked my BMs to dish out that much for a hotel. Is there another girl you can share with who’s also looking to cut costs? Can you e-mail the bride and just say that you were counting on sharing the cost of the room with so-and-so but it’s not working out because you can’t get ahold of her, and is there somewhere else you can stay/share with?

$500 for three nights to share a room is reasonable to me, but doubling that is not.

Post # 13
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would see if you can find another bridesmaid to go in with you, or check what the bride is doing!  

Splitting the cost of car and hotel will make this much more affordable for you AND another traveling bridesmaid.

Post # 14
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Gosh I think that’s a lot of money!! I am asking my bridesmaids to buy their dresses (125) I don’t care about their shoes and they have the option of staying at the bed and breakfast with me the night before and after i leave the night,  If they chose to stay at a hotel, then it’s their choice, and the prices range from 70-200 per night or something like that. i think your locale definitely has something to do with it.  i mean honestly i feel bad about them spending 125 and they have to drive to my wedding (about 5 hours) hopefully the two there will carpool or something like that.

Post # 15
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I agree with those that say check with the bride to see if there’s another bridesmaid or guest willing to share. Or- better yet– if you have the other bridesmaid’s information, contact them directly.

Post # 16
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That may seem like a lot of $$$ but I’ve spent more just going as a guest. The hotel doesn’t seem thaat expensive – but I do agree that you should try priceline and see what you can get.

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